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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD abortion thread part II

946 replies

GivesHeadlessHorseman · 26/10/2010 21:05

carry on ladies....

OP posts:
duchesse · 27/10/2010 17:05

15 + 4 means that she conceived round about July 24th, if that helps.

diddl · 27/10/2010 17:05

Well you know I´m not sure if the hospital did do the wrong thing.

If she can´t face being told these things then how will she cope with the rest of the pregnancy & birth.

Sorry, but she´s in an adult world now.

MumNWLondon · 27/10/2010 17:06

Oh Tess, feeling so sad for you. :( :(

Interesting she's freaking about about an amnio - how does she feel about giving birth?

Do you think she held off telling you (she must have noticed several missed periods?) to make it more difficult for her to have an abortion?

jumpingjackhash · 27/10/2010 17:07

Tess, I've been following these threads and while I can't offer any useful advice I wanted to let you know I think you're being fantastic in an incredibly difficult situation (whether you feel like it or not).

I'm Angry on your behalf at the sonographer, who was very much out of order. I'm also Angry at your DH, for his lack of support so far - your DSD and DH are incredibly lucky to have you in their lives and I'm sure they realise this (or soon will!).

JenaiMwahHaHaHaaaaah · 27/10/2010 17:07

yy, PALS. I know you have so much on your plate but really, this needs addressing. Perhaps someone here could help? I would volunteer but I'm sure someone better placed could step in.

GiddyPickle · 27/10/2010 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duchesse · 27/10/2010 17:07

15 + 4 means that she conceived round about July 24th, just after the end of the summer, term if that helps.

BarnacleBill · 27/10/2010 17:09

Rubbish, sorry. You do not need to know in graphic detail what happens in a termination to consent.

Not at all.

jonesy71 · 27/10/2010 17:09

Oh Tess,

That is just shocking that they described this to her like that and without you in the room, she is just a child afterall. And sending her to London because no-one in the medical profession round here would do such a thing at this term - what bullshit, - have we stepped back 40 years?

I understand that she is further along than it was hoped (i know that doesn't sound right) but they have handled it terribly.

I am so sorry for you, I'm thinking of you for your talks with DH later.

tyler80 · 27/10/2010 17:10

I'd agree that I don't think the sonographer said anything outrageous, just facts. Remember you're hearing your daughter put it into her own words so it's hard to judge how exactly it was said.

TessoftheDamned · 27/10/2010 17:10

DSD was away for a week on a school-sponsored trip in July! I guess that's the answer for when she got pregnant, although round that time she had a birthday party that was attended also.

diddl · 27/10/2010 17:11

Should she also be spared details of giving birth then, in case it upsets her?

TessoftheDamned · 27/10/2010 17:12

I am going to have a chat with DSD more about the sonographer. If that is, in fact, what was said I'm going to be doing something about it.

Scaredandalone · 27/10/2010 17:12

To be fair she may be scared of a amnio because of the miscarriage risk. I don't mind giving birth but I would be scared of a amnio.

Discowife · 27/10/2010 17:13

I had to have a needle in the stomach (not to do with the baby) very early in the pregnancy. The idea of someone putting a needle anywhere near my baby (and even I understand at that point the fetus was about an inch and way down low no where near the needle)made me feel physically sick. nearly passed out

She may be upset by that not the needle a such. I would never have had an amnio (which is why we didn't bother with the nuchial fold test)

maryz · 27/10/2010 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Discowife · 27/10/2010 17:17

I woudl find out what her thought are on having a baby with downs before forcing an amnio tbh, if she still won't abort there is little reason to have one.

tinierclanger · 27/10/2010 17:18

I'm not sure the sonographer was out of order, bearing in mind you're hearing it second hand, from a scared and hormonal girl. Dsd may have amplified the facts a bit. And she does need to know it's surgical. However, best to check it out...
Wonder if she may open up about the father soon. She may be finding it easier to "confess" the details gradually. I guess there is a bit more time to consider things now.

BarnacleBill · 27/10/2010 17:19

Definitely agree with you Tess about taking it further if the sonographer did say those things. Not that you need more things to be dealing with right now, but it's so so unprofessional and NOT noraml for those things to have been said. Certainly not by a sonographer and, I would have thought, to an unaccompanied minor.

jonesy71 · 27/10/2010 17:19

this is probably going to sound really out of order but, Disco, you have to remember who is likely to be looking after this baby in reality, Downs or not.

Scaredandalone · 27/10/2010 17:21

I agree if she does not intend to terminate even if baby has downs no point in amnio. They can still do the 16 week down blood test cant they and her anomaly scan at 18+ weeks.

Discowife · 27/10/2010 17:21

Doesn't matter Jonesy really, because the OP can't force an abortion either way. So to do the test would just be more unnessary stress on a pregnant woman (girl).

She needs start being treated as an adult now. They only have 6 months to get that through her head.

BarnacleBill · 27/10/2010 17:22

(Diddle - its not that dsd should be spared the details of termination as it would relate to her experience of it but, having been there myself, I know that a professional trained in TOP counselling would NOT routinely go into details about what would happen to the feotus)

jumpingjackhash · 27/10/2010 17:22

Disco - I think it's only fair for Tess and her DH to know what's coming their way, as regardless of intentions of the DSD, this will impact on the whole family.

electra · 27/10/2010 17:23

Tess - I've just read your post. I know this is not much consolation considering your life has been turned upside-down but I think you are coping so well and I admire you for the way you alone seem to be holding this thing together. I hope that your dh is just in shock and will shortly become more practical use in this situation!

WRT to the information your dsd was told, the sonographer may have told her this because she had asked exactly what an abortion would involve at this stage. Having considered a termination myself, I did want to know exactly what would happen. But I was 28 - not 14! Amnios do have a risk of miscarriage - I thought 1-2%? So it's not normally offered unless the screening tests show a risk of possible abnormality which is higher than 1/100 iyswim. Is she too late for the triple test? I thought this was done at 15/16 weeks anyway?