To be annoyed at the smuggy smugness? why is childbirth such a competion?

[AddictedIsFeelingHappy]

i'm 38+3 weeks pregnant and am getting irrationally annoyed by every thing.

a friend of mine had her baby yesterday and on facebook (i know its the spawn of satan) her status is along the lines of

'baby x arrived weeighing 8lb 4oz in a birthing pool, i had no pain relief drugs, even with a very long labour. come on ladies we can do what nature intended'

now i'm already alittle annoyed because she was due the day before me and has already had her baby, and mine is still not here. (irrational i know!)
but why put that about the drugs? you dont get a medal for doing it all naturally and it doesnt make you a failure if you do need drugs.

gah now i'm all annoyed and wound up and cant sleep [hangry]

YANBU how dare she have her baby first no seriously I remember getting annoyed at stuff like this when pg.

Its even more annoying now because I wanted a "natural" home birth and ended up with the opposite so i would be upset if one of my friends said that.

hope you get to sleep soon

Nature intended me and my baby to die in childbirth.

I'll take the medical intervention thank you very much.

Oh another PG lady who's up at 4am.

YANBU, it's not a compertition and as other's have said many babies would die in childbirth without intervention. I'm currently 40+5 and this sort of thing winds me up anyway I'm already feeling at still being hear to.

littlesez its also annoyed me that shes had her baby first because shes had a really easy pregnancy, just sailed through it and not had any problems. where as i have encountered every problem going. have been in and out of hospital (my maternity notes booklet is more like a novel!) and have been very very unwell.
and she said to me a few weeks ago well my baby will come around this week and your will come around 1-2 weeks later. i really wanted mine to come first just to wipe that smug grin off her face.
[hangry]

i'll be taking medical intervention too, they already know that i'm going to need countless drugs to keep me and my baby alive during labour and birth.

just because for years women and babies have been dying in childbirth doesnt mean it needs to continue. its called progress

For god's sake all anyone wants is a healthy baby, who gives a f* how many drugs you need to get it. We're just lucky to be living in an age when it's all available. I am about 36 weeks, can't sleep, and getting annoyed by everything!

YANBU to feel how you do, at 38+wks pg.

But, I think you are being a teeny bit U to be wound up with your friend - most labours, natural or with intervention, are hard, exhausting work. I think it is reasonable for her to be a bit proud. Most mums are. I would see her comments in that vein, rather than as an implied criticism of your birth choices.

I would have been fucking pissed off. Isn;t she LUCKY to have been able to have a child qwith no drugs. Why is it that people think it makes them so fucking morally superior?

I used to work in an organisation that dealt with maternal and child health in developing countries. I have witnessed women die thanks to the lack of medical care. Maybe your friend thinks they were just not trying hard enough?

don;t get me started.

See, so mad that I can't spell check or proof read.

YANBU... but some people can't help being smug. Whether they think giving birth is like shelling peas or whether they survived gruesome medical intervention they're only too anxious to share that they 'did it the right way'.

But get used to it... Because the same FB friend (and everyone else with a baby) will be keeping you mildly irritated from now on with progress reports on their wunderkind. It will feed, smile, crawl, walk, talk and fart much earlier/better than yours. Now you know this, you can let it all wash over you and remain calm and unaffected. Good luck!

My youngest child was born with no drugs! i was not smug it bloody hurt! I felt sorry for myself lol
Just ignore her if a baby comes from it, Who cares!

YANBU. My own labour was so easy that I actually never discuss it unless someone asks for a good induction experience, or to stop smugness in its tracks. It's fine to be proud and all that, but writing in the way that your friend did is bloody rude and insensitive in a public forum where other people may not be so lucky. Although I had nothing apart from g&a. I would absolutely have had anything going if it was needed to keep me sane and the both of us safe. I hope all you pg ladies have as easy a ride as possible and that you feel smug even though you have the manners and sense not to write about it!

You could ask her where she found this sterile birthing pool provided by nature and how she managed to get it into her house.

I remember my MW saying to me that no one gets a prize for doing it with no drugs and to take what ever was offered - I did!

I was also one of those ladies that nature intended not to survive childbirth and I did thanks to those drugs!

Good luck your baby will be the best because it is yours

Good point ballonslayer. I had two extremes of childbirth with my sons. First was a nightmare and had to have every drug and medical intervention you could possibly think of. The second went like a dream and I was so grateful that I could even write a message on FB a few hours after the birth.

I can't believe your friend would write that, especially the last sentence!!!

Take heart that in a month no one will care how you give birth, they will be busy berating you on how you choose to feed your baby! seriously just ignore, easier said than done when you are all hormonal and bored of waiting, as long as you get a baby at the end of it and you are there to enjoy, it doesn't matter if the baby is beamed out of you

I was too scared to accept drugs initially as I feared to run out of options too early, which I now know was stupid.

I had a midwife and my husband giving me a quite firm talk that I should accept pain killers, and yes, being on the synto for a couple of hours already counts as labour.

I think most of my fear of painkillers had been brought on by reading of women who sneezed theirs out with just a whiff of g&a (and man, was I disappointed by the g&a)

YANBU

Oh come on! She's just happy and excited. SHe's got that baby euphoria that happens the first few days after birth when you feel you can do anything! It doesn't last so let her make the most of it. And take no notice.

Good luck with the birth

BTW you've got 18 years of nagging and critisism ahead of you over every parenting decision you make So grow a thick skin. I have. Tis the only way.

All the birth shite reminds me of those Freshers' Week conversations at university, where you say what grades you got in your A levels.

It's the last time anyone asks or cares.

Meh.

Utter bollocks. Not you OP, your friend. It isn't a sodding contest! If we really did do what nature intended nearly every woman in my family would have died in childbirth, most would have taken baby with them!

I intend to have natural childbirth this time round but for my own selfish reasons- I want to be out of the hospital asap, I'm told less intervention you have more likely your be out within a few hours.

YANBU - let's hope she's like my only naturally, drug free, delivered little darling and still doesnt sleep through the night at 16 months .

My first 2 were 'dragged' out by forceps (as described my own smug friend), I didnt give a monkeys, they were alive and healthy and mine!

Don't worry, just say to her congratulations and that you will be happy as long as the baby comes safe and well. I do hate such smuggery I have never seen anything like it from friends on my FB. You never know next time she might be so lucky to have an easy birth.

"come on ladies we can do what nature intended"

"Nature" doesn't give a flying fuck about mothers or babies. All evolution "cares" about is that enough survive to replenish the population.

If wonderful "Nature" had taken her course, then my DD1 would have been stuck forever, would have died, and then probably taken me with her. Your friend is obviously very proud and excited, but she is also being a loon and you have every right in your hormonal state to get a bit annoyed. :) Hopefully she'll get over it soon and won't do the same about breastfeeding/weaning/sleep/everything else about raising children. :)

If she had said "crap labour in hospital ending in forceps, starting dreading it NOW" would that have made you feel better? You're right, birth can be a competition....to see who had the worst time, as well as the best.

I think you are projecting your anxieties. This woman has every right to be proud and euphoric - just as someone who had the induction/epidural birth they wanted is entitled to be proud.