To be annoyed at the smuggy smugness? why is childbirth such a competion?

[AddictedIsFeelingHappy]

i'm 38+3 weeks pregnant and am getting irrationally annoyed by every thing.

a friend of mine had her baby yesterday and on facebook (i know its the spawn of satan) her status is along the lines of

'baby x arrived weeighing 8lb 4oz in a birthing pool, i had no pain relief drugs, even with a very long labour. come on ladies we can do what nature intended'

now i'm already alittle annoyed because she was due the day before me and has already had her baby, and mine is still not here. (irrational i know!)
but why put that about the drugs? you dont get a medal for doing it all naturally and it doesnt make you a failure if you do need drugs.

gah now i'm all annoyed and wound up and cant sleep [hangry]

Another thing: sometimes these I-had-a-natural-birth-at-dawn-on-top-of-the-garden-shed mothers are... lying. For example, a relative of mine has also claimed to have had only G&A, because "she loved her daughter". "Further pain-relief unnecessary", yada yada. I recently mentioned her views on birth to my relative's sister, who was a birth partner. Sister was absolutely astounded. Apparently relative demanded and took everything going at hospital.

My relative is still wondering why her daughter wouldn't let her me present when she herself was in labour a few years back...

*be, sorry.

*be, sorry.

Copy paste the oxford dictionary definition of 'luck' to her wall.

terryble - yes, I can believe that - I have a friend who claimed she was intervention/painkiller free - the truth was quite different. Her medal is pinned to her labia.

I have been fortunate to have had 3 natural water births at home with only G&A for the last 15mins in transition. DC2 was relatively pain free and hypnobirthing did wonders. I am pleased that I had 'easy' births but I would never be smug about it as I appreciate I was very lucky, rather than be smug I am relieved that they went as well as they did. However what makes me sad is I feel I can never recount my stories for fear of upsetting people who did have a shit time plus no-one ever believes you when you say that labour and birth wans't that bad. All births are amazing and no-one should feel bad for the way that their births turned out however we should all respect the experiences that other women had - good or bad.

IMVHO

Chilbirth rather like breastfeeding is a very very small part of being a parent. Oddly enough the dcs don't remember it. They remember being loved and having a mum who cared and did their best for them and that doesn't stop at the first six weeks - it's a life long challenge. I was hopeless to begin with but think I ended up as an OK parent overall.

Quite childbirth is one battle in a very long war

Addicted YANBU.
Firstly as long as you get a live healthy baby at the end of it who cares how it is born or if drugs are used.

I had two natural births, no drugs no intervention, although I have to say it was more luck then judgment, DS1 arrived in 15 mins and DS2 in 19 mins.
But I was ready and willing to have every drug known to man and be cut almost in half it that is what was needed to get my babies out alive and healthy.

It does not make you a better mother because you avoided the gas and air anymore then if you only breast feed them till they're 15 [hgrin] some people manage one thing and go on and on about it to make up for the fact they lack in everything else.

Also how very sad that instead of enjoying the miracle of a new baby your friend feels the need to bleat on face book, some people have such empty little lives

YANBU.

Deep breaths, though

I am currently practicing smiling sweetly through a friend's first pregnancy. It's all 'I'm going to have a pain-free labour' and 'I'm just going to do what nature intended me to do'.

I have been a very good girl and haven't so much as whispered the word 'episiotomy.

To be honest, whether or not you have an 'easy' birth or a 'interventionist' birth is usually all down to luck of the draw and dependent on many factors; where the baby is lying, how much your baby weighs, how large your cervix is, how much you manage to dilate, which hospital you go to, how skilled the staff are, how much support you have, how good your pre-natal care was, etc etc etc.....Frankly no one should be boasting about how 'natural' or 'unnatural' their birth was its just stupid.

My first birth experience was awful and I needed intervention, the second was 'natural'. And when a mum tells me her pregnancy was pain free, I take it with a pinch of salt; because a) I wonder why they feel the overwhelming need to tell me that and b) Since they feel the need to tell me that it must mean they've conveniently forgotton how painful it was because c) why would they feel the need to share that info unless they wanted to recieve some kind of smug admiration? Which always leads me back to A. So YANBU but unfortunately this is just the start of the Best-Mum-and-DC race..enjoy....

I have had easy and hard birth and am proud that I acheived all of them. The fact that you care that she was so smug is probably down to hormone and worries of the birth.

Trust me once babe is in your arms, you will be so proud of what you have acheived, drugs or no drugs. You are brining new life into the world and for that you are a superwoman!!!

Do people really have these conversations? I must admit friends & I have swapped 'war stories' but I felt nothing but horror & sympathy for my friends who have had interventions. It must have been painful & scary for them.

I have had 2 'natural' labours, one with g&a, one with nothing at all and I hated both of them & will never do it again. Labour terrifies me. I certainly don't feel smug about it. I think fair play to anyone who does it any way.

I've never come across this smuggery in rl.

God, I have, bumper, but I can't say I ever took it very seriously.

I've just posted something similar in pregnancy, in my case it's my MIL comparing how I've done/will do it to everyone else we know.

I don't give a hoot so long as I've got a healthy baby at the end of it and that I am healthy enough to look after both the new baby and my daughter afterwards. The last thing I'm interested in is a competition with every tom dick and harry!

If I work myself up enough about it I might not have to be induced tomorrow and earn some birthing brownie points??? Drives me nuts.

Yanbu. I am the same as yuno and 1944, if everything had been left to nature neither my dd nor I would be here today.

I think it is about time this kind of attitude stopped. My XH used the fact I had medical intervention during birth as part of his argument in court that I should lose all contact. I just hope the judge isn't one of the lucky smug ones.

My XH used the fact I had medical intervention during birth as part of his argument in court that I should lose all contact. xwitch - that is unbelievable!!!

I'd like to bloody administer some medical intervention on him the mood I'm in this afternoon!

I've had three labours and births without nothing more than G&A and I can attest that it fucking hurts. There is nothing remotely beatific or dignified about unmedicated birth apart from when it's over. I'm not sorry I didn't have any strong pain relief for them but I'm buggered if I'm going to come over all mother earth and advocate that everyone do it. Am I allowed to say that I was secretly very relieved when a c section became a necessity during labour no 4? Most pain-free of the four. Mind you I was very lucky to have no complications at all from the C section apart from a headache from the general anaesthetic..

oh, and Xwitch- your ex is a fucking loon. The family court judges I think are quite good at spotting fucking loons. They've always been super with my sister, but then her ex just needs to be handed the rope and he hangs himself. Let's hope that your ex is similarly stupid unguarded.

YANBU.
I had a planned section and am having another with this pregnancy. I have various rhings wrong and so over the course of the two pregnancies, i will have given myself close to a THOUSAND injections, a quarter of which are feck-off sized intramuscular jabs in the arse.
I told one of my mum-friends who had a drugfree waterbirth and knows my history that I'm having another section and she said "yes, you don't do pain, do you?"
If she has to make herself feel better by trying to put me down, or boasting about her birth then that's v v sad and people like this are more to be pitied than anything.
Fleetingly, though, I thought about chinning her...

I sometimes feel fleetingly like chinning people who tell me that my birth is probably going to go 'wrong' and I will be cut from fanjo to arsehole and have weeks of pain.

two thirds of the world's female population would give their eye teeth for the kind of pain relief we have available.yet we use pain relief as a stick to beat each other with.Weird

hate the comment, 'what nature intended'

DD had a chest infection last week and was prescribed anti biotics. Guess nature taking its course means that she got even sicker?