To be annoyed at the smuggy smugness? why is childbirth such a competion?

[AddictedIsFeelingHappy]

i'm 38+3 weeks pregnant and am getting irrationally annoyed by every thing.

a friend of mine had her baby yesterday and on facebook (i know its the spawn of satan) her status is along the lines of

'baby x arrived weeighing 8lb 4oz in a birthing pool, i had no pain relief drugs, even with a very long labour. come on ladies we can do what nature intended'

now i'm already alittle annoyed because she was due the day before me and has already had her baby, and mine is still not here. (irrational i know!)
but why put that about the drugs? you dont get a medal for doing it all naturally and it doesnt make you a failure if you do need drugs.

gah now i'm all annoyed and wound up and cant sleep [hangry]

Develop a thick skin - it only gets worse. BF/FF, sleeping, weaning, crawling, walking, talking etc

My Dsis told me after I'd had a 36 hour labour finishing with shoulder dystocia and ventouse and a complete arsenal of drugs that she "wouldn't have been able to live with herself" if she hadn't managed to produce her DC's with the use of only gas and air

My BIL pdfs all his DD's school reports and emails them to us. Just love that, obv .

IT DOESN'T MATTER.NOBODY CARES. Well not if you're normal, anyway.

Get used to it. Her baby will sleep through at 2 weeks, smile at 4 and run at 8 months. Take consolation in that nothing is perfect and he/she might be a very naughty toddler and start by making sure you hide all her fb posts.

You could post on her wall: "Wow! You must have a fanny like a bucket!!" But you may receive some flak. :o

YANBU. It is a ridiculous smug post.

I had emcs (undiagnosed breech) and forceps (hell)(he turned his head) but I was so happy to have 2 live healthy babies that I couldn't give a flying fig how they came out. My birth experiences were nothing down to me and my pain threshold.

I cannot agree more with BaggedandTagged . You will shortly be entering into smugville, and with post birth hormones it is not an easy place. I suggest you practice saying:

'Good for you' and use it as and when these smug moments arise.

• You're using real nappies - good for you;
• Your baby slept through from 2 weeks old: Oh good for you.

Good luck with your baby.

I think she is being quite smug but at the same time I think it would be wrong to retaliate with equal smugness about how things can go wrong. She was lucky to have a great and easy birth, some people aren't so lucky ir choose to have drugs etc.

I think it's really wrong to wish other bad things on her or suggest that she might have a hard time in the future.

What did her status actually say? You say it was along the lines of' maybe you are interpreting it a certain way?

Well, if she's just given birth, then it's okay that she's thinking and telling other people offensive nonsense. But you weren't unreasonable to feel annoyed by it. I'm annoyed by it and labour was quite straightforward for me. You're overdue, presumably extremely uncomfortable, bit apprehensive, and desperate to finally have had your baby. You'd have to be a saint not to experience some annoyance.

However, consider the possibility that her status might be rather exaggerating things to make herself feel better. Maybe she found giving birth traumatic, or maybe breastfeeding isn't going quite to plan.

Or maybe she is just tactless.

if someone I had on fb posted that I would bin them tbh.

at BoffinMum's idea for OP's status!

OP- She's still run through with oxytocins, and rightly feeling very happy that her baby is here. People do and say very strange things in the first year after their babies are born due to a combination of wacked out hormones and tiredness. I think that on the whole we all need to be ignored when we start spouting off with that kind of stuff- this whole cheerleading childbirth and child-rearing is just tiresome. Unless people are actually doing it wrong - ie neglecting or treating their child cruelly, people should keep their reservations to themselves. Of course one person's kindness is another person's cruelty (eg "crying it out") but you have to keep your eye on the end goal, which is your own child, not other people's.

I'm not surprised you're pissed off btw, I would have been too in your shoes. Just ignore ignore ignore. Here's to a happy end of pregnancy and an easy birth for you, as your friend apparently had.

Perhaps in her euphoria of having her baby she forgot that her birth experience was all down to luck and good judgement. It's easy to think that everyone can have this experience because she did. Same as people who've never dieted, people who run marathons...

Take all the drugs offered! I did and I'm glad! My dd and me would have died without medical intervention! I won't go into details but medical intervention and the drugs saved us and we're both here because of it!

YANBU

I'm a HypnoBirthing Practitioner so obviously my work involves helping couples to have comfortable births that require minimal intervention. However, I really stress that a healthy baby and mother are the only important outcome. I also stress that childbirth, breatfeeding etc are not competitive sports and that it is such competitiveness that contributes to the fear that prevents comfortable births.

It is nice though for someone to spread the word that childbirth does not have to be painful.

To be fair, perhaps the Facebooking friend was on a hormonal high. I remember saying, 'She's perfect, just perfect' repeatedly for about 24 hours after having my first baby. Whilst she was perfect to me it may have been that other people thought DD had a face only a mother could love

YANBU, and while I'm in awe of anyone who gives birth naturally, with or without drugs, having had two CSs myself (Nature intended DS1, DS2 and me to die in childbirth), the competitiveness and smuggery of some women who do do it all 'as nature intended' is breathtaking.

Yes, women have been giving birth for millennia, but they've been dying in childbirth too. We are lucky to live in an age and a country where we have choices about how to give birth, and the medical knowledge and facilities to help us if things go wrong (or hell, if we just don't fancy hours of pain in labour). All that matters is the safe arrival of a healthy baby to a healthy mother - and extra points don't get awarded to those who do it 'unnaturally'.

Good luck with your delivery, OP - and stay away from people like your smug friend. She'll do your head in once your baby is here for her to compare her own to, and find yours wanting!

meant to say 'naturally'!

I was 'lucky' in having no complications and feel for those who went through birth experiences beyond anything I can even begin to imagine.

I don't do 'smug' about anything but weirdly I feel that my natural birth, as lucky as I was, is somehow a dirty secret that I am unable to share with anyone.

I am very sensitive to how traumatic it must be, but saddened that there is so little chance to share my experience. I am not a bitter person in anyway and don't begrudge hearing positive experiences from people in areas of life where mine has not being so good.

I completely agree with the OP that in a lot of cases some people do seem to think they are somehow judged for needing intervention, which is crap

to be fair - I find that when people say 'Take all the drugs offered!' and then detail how awful birth is it makes me just as annoyed as when people talk about 'propere natural birth'. No birth is the same and people who choose to try without drugs shouldn't be looked down on either.

Wanting a drug free birth, or having a drug free birth isn't always down to luck. Some women do have natural births and I am always glad to hear from those freinds of mine who aren't pushing drug options at me.

I'd like a medal for being the proud owner of a pristine condition vagina and unused cervix.

Where d you want the medal pinning Alpine?

boffinmum to be fair if i have gas and air then i will be taking a swing at the mw's! (gas and air changes me, it makes me agressive and selfish)

In all honesty i will be doing it with out any pain relief, but not by choice. I cant have gas and air, i cant have an epidural due to other health problems, i cant have pethadine as the docs said no (due to other conditions i have/baby may have) but i am going to be on a drip, have antibiotics and a blood transfusion and something else i need a line in for but cant remember what!!

Its all good fun!

Alpinepony i'll give you a medal

The drugs are th best thing about childbirth. Diamorphine n gas n air, bliss.

Well thank goodness for medical intervention then, and that you are not one of the 15% to die 'as nature intended'.

Please pin my medal to my pudenda to cover my scar.