To be annoyed at the smuggy smugness? why is childbirth such a competion?

[AddictedIsFeelingHappy]

i'm 38+3 weeks pregnant and am getting irrationally annoyed by every thing.

a friend of mine had her baby yesterday and on facebook (i know its the spawn of satan) her status is along the lines of

'baby x arrived weeighing 8lb 4oz in a birthing pool, i had no pain relief drugs, even with a very long labour. come on ladies we can do what nature intended'

now i'm already alittle annoyed because she was due the day before me and has already had her baby, and mine is still not here. (irrational i know!)
but why put that about the drugs? you dont get a medal for doing it all naturally and it doesnt make you a failure if you do need drugs.

gah now i'm all annoyed and wound up and cant sleep [hangry]

I had a drug-free water birth with DD1 and did come over all smug earth-mother for a while (only to myself though, would never dream of parading it in front of other mums)... then I was induced with DD2 and discovered what true pain was, and realised how lucky I had been first time round.

YANBU! Good luck with the birth

You're friend is feeling more ecstatic and goddess-like than she has ever felt before or will feel again. If she makes old bones she'll look back on the birth of her baby and the first few days afterwards as the most amazing experience of her life. She's surfing on a hormone high of epic proportions - I know as I felt like this after my own home-birth (drug free - stitch free - 11lbs baby - I was lady Smug of Smugsville afterwards, still am if I'm honest )

Please ffs don't be curmudgeonly about it just because you're crapping your pants about your own forth-coming labour. Cut her some slack and congratulate her on her good fortune/hard work/courage.

"two thirds of the world's female population would give their eye teeth for the kind of pain relief we have available.yet we use pain relief as a stick to beat each other with.Weird"

Err - immigrant mothers in my local hospitals are less likely to opt for pethidine or epidurals than UK born mothers. What most women want is safe childbirth and a healthy baby - where ever in the world they are. Women in the UK today have more access to pain relief than they have ever had but they're no more likely to be satisfied with their birth experience than women 40 years ago.

"To be honest, whether or not you have an 'easy' birth or a 'interventionist' birth is usually all down to luck of the draw "

Where you give birth and who you have with you during your labour seem to have a pretty major impact too though! So it's not all down to luck.....

YAB a bit U - I imagine she's just reall chuffed at the fact she's given birth, proud of her new baby, and proud of getting through the experience. I think she's allowed a day or so of that. Don't take it personally OP it may be a bit tactless but I expect it's meant to be encouraging to others rather than just plain smug :)

She sounds like an eejit generally - the kind who would boast about anything.

I had a dreadful first birth, hands down the worst experience of my life.

But my second birth was FABULOUS - I was on a high afterwards and am still absolutely loving the early days with my second four months later in a way I just didn't first time around.

I know I am LUCKY though. Lucky to have had an understanding consultant who agreed to an elective c-section without trying to talk me out of it and lucky that I recovered exceptionally quickly

"She sounds like an eejit generally - the kind who would boast about anything"

Harsh? Moi?

Are you not allowed to feel proud of yourself for coping well with a challenging labour? For having the courage to make the choice to have your baby at home - even though it's something only 3% of women in this country choose to do because they see it as frightening or dangerous?

YANBU - the come on ladies bit is silly comment to put at the best of times.

But them I am probably a bit sore on the subject as I BEGGED for an epidural but got forced through on gas abd air by overzilous noninterfering natural birth typemidwifes.

GIVE ME THE DRUGS DAMMIT!

OP I also get annoyed when people talk like this aswell. Who cares how your baby arrived, as long as you both are well and healthy, that's all that counts!!
When I announced DS2's birth a few months ago now, I just put the name in the text message along with his weight and said we were both well. No need to brag about the details of the birth! If people want to know specifics they can phone and ask you about it all some day.

YADNBU

YANBU

I can't stand the smugness either...women who radiantly announce that they had no pain relief as if it was a competition and medals are handed out post birth

I love Vicky Iovine's pg books and in one of them, she says something along the lines of there are no medals for not having pain relief and those of us who have had pain relief, are smiley in the post delivery room while the non pain relief takers, are sat with sore fadges and broken blood vessels from too much pushing

I heart Vicky quite frankly

What I would ask someone who comes out with such a comment about their birth is 'would you like a gold star or a medal then?' AT the end of the day we all do what we can just to get through it.

If you think this is bad wait until you get into breast feeding.

ha ha, I love it!!! It's so so different for everyone, reminds me of Gisele the model saying that everyone should BF for 6 months and it should be law.

Great if you can do all those things easily but for me I hate breast feeding as I produce very little milk and as for childbirth... I'm having my second planned C-section at 37+5 on Tuesday as I have severe spd so cannot go to full term as the pain is too extreme and they can't guarantee my health if I do go into labour and stretch my pelvis further as it's already at maximum...

We're all different. No one has the right to judge!!

"If you think this is bad wait until you get into breast feeding."

SO true!

I would never have posted on FB to demand all women try to emulate my births, but I was immensely proud after DC2 and 3 that things had gone according to (ludicrously detailed) plan, and that we had got through trying times. I probably sounded smug on FB - I believe it was something like "DC3, born at home, 4 hour labour, 9lb 7oz baby, HOORAY" or similar. Might even have said "drug-free," as that was such an important thing to me.

I didn't and don't want a medal, I wanted an intervention free birth, and had to fight to get it. I want to be able to be proud of that without being seen as criticising other people's choices with my very existence. Because I'm not criticising - I do think it's a good plan to do research and make an informed decision, but given the same circumstances as me, an informed decision could also be an elective caesarean, depending on how you respond to risk.

Oh gawd...the breast feeding smugness...

I can still remember the lentil weaver HVs look of horror when I said I wanted to express for a few days as nipples were cracked and bleeding....she started wittering about supply drying up etc, until my mum severely said, with her best don't upset my daughter look, look at the state of her nipples - she's expressing for a day or two ok?

Its as if by accepting pain relief, we have failed in some way...well bollocks to that

Think your mum and my mum are separated at birth

I had an evil nurse in the hospital...had 3 day back labour, emcs and so stayed in hospital for three days or so. On the last night, after feeding DS constantly (all night, ever night and with carpal tunnel syndrome and sat up in a chair as they said he wasn't latching properly in the bed) and him screaming constantly, I tearfully begged for some formula from the nurse - anyone would have thought I had requested a vat of arsenic!!

She marched in (this was at 3am) with a leaflet about the dangers of teat/nipple confusion and wouldn't give me anything until I had read it. She then declared DS had to be fed from a cup and that I wasn't allowed to do it and so I sat quietly sobbing on the bed while a nurse helper fed him for me

This time around I am going to be a lot tougher, trust me!

pussin can I just point out that I was drug free and was still smiling post delivery, and no bloodshot eyes here please let's not let this turn into a thread bashing those of us that had no drugs/intervention , we're not all SmugMums.

Rabbit - I never said that - I was saying what was in a pg book

This is a thread about a smug mum though...and it is AIBU so...