To be annoyed at the smuggy smugness? why is childbirth such a competion?

[AddictedIsFeelingHappy]

i'm 38+3 weeks pregnant and am getting irrationally annoyed by every thing.

a friend of mine had her baby yesterday and on facebook (i know its the spawn of satan) her status is along the lines of

'baby x arrived weeighing 8lb 4oz in a birthing pool, i had no pain relief drugs, even with a very long labour. come on ladies we can do what nature intended'

now i'm already alittle annoyed because she was due the day before me and has already had her baby, and mine is still not here. (irrational i know!)
but why put that about the drugs? you dont get a medal for doing it all naturally and it doesnt make you a failure if you do need drugs.

gah now i'm all annoyed and wound up and cant sleep [hangry]

I know what I would rather have, an alive baby in my arms with medical intervention, than a dead baby without. I never saw child birth as a competition, just wanted a happy and healthy baby in my arms thats the only thing.

YANBU on the grounds that you are pregnant and P'd off :o

Things like that really do get to you your friend is just proud of how she did it, that's all. I do agree it seems a bit smug but don't we all sometimes :o

My DS was born by Emergency section and now 4 years on I am just coming to terms with the fact that he is happy, loved and safe even though I did'nt do it the 'normal way' as has been pointed out to me several times

Sometimes we need a bit of help for various reasons and sometimes we don't, it means nothing in the long run trust me

And if she keeps up the smugness, tell her my mum gave birth to twins 23 minutes apart with not one bit of pain relief, no screaming and ended up with one single stitch :o

Yes but keep it to yourself TPL not plaster it over FB

She isn't just telling everyone about her experiences though, is she? With the "come on ladies" she is implying that her other pregnant friends could do the same, if only they tried hard enough, because it's "what nature intended".

Showing a complete lack of any understanding of biology, as well as a lack of tact.

YANBU- she sounds like a twat.
Mabe that's a bit harsh but she most definately has smugitus.
Also; how the hell does she have time and energy to go on Facebook with a baby?

I hate facebook. I refuse to torture myself with the smug-twattery that goes on.

I disagree. Why should someone keep quiet about one of the most important days of her life? When I had DS2 I posted that I had just had him, at home and without much pain. My friends were pleased for me, as they knew I had had a shocking time with DS1.

A lot of it depends on how you read her statement about ladies being able to do it as nature intended. I read that as a pep talk, ie if my labour was OK then yours could be too so don't be frightened.

What a silly thing for your friend to say - it is both naive and smug. There is nothing wrong with proudly saying that she had no pain relief - but she should not be using her experience to tell others what they should be doing.

I had a very fast birth with no pain-relief - I didn't actually have labour pain, just a very strange intense feeling which was unpleasant but not pain as such. I consider myself lucky, not clever!

The only time I have actually "boasted" about this was to shut up another mum who was saying similar things ("I don't understand why people are so quick to accept drugs", "I had to get quite firm with the midwives who were begging me to have an epidural", "Feeling the contractions is an important part of labour - it is what nature wanted") to your friend to other mums who had not had such good experiences as her - she had only had gas and air. I took great pleasure in saying breezily "Oh I didn't bother with the gas and air. I don't think nature intended us to use it". There were a few sniggers from the other mums....

And what MrsTittleMouse said.

I and a group of friends all had babies at about the same time - most had 'natural' childbirths, me and a mate had loads of intervention inc emergency c section. When the others were smug we used to joke that at least we still had the bits of an 18 yr old ....although my smugness soon changed when ds was born 'as nature intended'.
YANBU but shrug it off; as some of the other posters have mentioned, some mums will delight in telling you that dc waked at 7 months and could read Shakespear at 3.

I think that it's good to say what a wonderful baby you have but to twaddle on about ''amazing'' childbirth on Facebook is barf-worthy imho. She'll be posting a video of the birth next.

YANBU at all. I have deep respect for the posters on here that say oh but she's just happy and trying to spread it. To me, it sounds like smugness.

FWIW, I would avoid her and any people like this for at least the first 6 months. If they wind you up in pregnancy, chances are they will wind you up when you're a bit short of sleep with your baby. Surround yourself with people that make you feel good and help you.

Best of luck.

I hate all the natural stuff - quite happy to have drugs and no pain, why would anyone choose to be in pain?

I actually ended up with no pain relief as DD came rather fast. Don't see it as something to brag about.

I'm afraid it'll probably get worse - my 1st post natal meeting was full of women who had no tearing, no probs with weeing and had slimmed to pre pregnancy weight in a week. They all bragged about how their babies slept and were easy to look after. I felt huge and had a grumpy baby who wasn't keen on sleeping. One friend and I stuck together and vowed to be honest with each other. Occasionally we bragged about baby sleeping though but seemed to take it in turns and celebrated the small victories together.

Either the other women were lying or they're going to have nightmare teens (that's what I tell myself)!

you have all cheered me up and made me smile. And your right i do have 18 years ahead of me just waiting to be judged, especially as i have 'chosen' to ff my baby whenever she decides to turn up i cant wait to see what she feels about that!

Dh said this morning 'dont worry about it, you will always be able to have empathy with women going through a difficult pregnancy and child birth, she will always alienate people as she knows nothing about what can go wrong and how wrong it can go' i do love my dh some times

I'm laughing about it this morning and hoping her baby never sleeps [hwink]

Glad you are feeling happier this morning.

I can see why you were irritated by the "come on ladies" comment but I don't think it is unreasonable for her to be proud that she had no drugs. It is an achievement if that is what you were aiming for.

Anyway as others have said you have years of this to come so get used to it

One of my mates was in an NCT group who were very competitively smug. She came to me in tears saying 'My DD is behind on everything. x has even got a tooth now!' I said 'I am sure x must have extra specially good parents if x is getting teeth this early'. My mate paused a minute and then had to laugh.

It's all silly, silly, silly. Yes, it is possible to have babies without pain relief but only if they come out the right way, which is a bit hit and miss. So I would go with the flow a bit and see what happens on the day, tbh. I speak as someone who has had one epidural and three water births without a puff of anything. It varies according to the baby's position and how you are feeling.

PS In my NCT group we were pretty friendly, but we made the mistake of agreeing to have a tea with the subsequent group. They all turned up in lovely clothes with matching necklaces and earrings in full slap, with designer babies. When they left we had a bit of communal cry and then cracked open the wine. Only way to go.

Gah- cant bear this smugness but will only get worse. You will spend the next few months avoiding smugmeisters on

• childbirth
• bf vs ff
• co-sleeping- apparently you are lacking as a parent if you dont want your 4 year old child in your bed
• A new one I've noticed recently- slings vs pushchairs. Yes, really.

dont worry addicted. You can be friends with me. I had all the drugs- epidural and 3 top ups - they tried the "mobile" one and I was like "give me more- give me more".Was lovely- slept for 2 hrs whilst got to 10cm which was a bloody good job as I was pushing for 2 hrs. I totally appreciate that a drug free birth is completely natural, but having your first child/labour at 35 isn't- I should be a granny to a 5 year old by now!

If she's had a 'perfect pregnancy' and now a 'perfect birth', honestly she's just the type of person who enjoys being smug. No doubt she'll be the same with breastfeeding and every milestone along the way.

It may be helpful to work out a 'taking the total piss out of yourself' response you are planning for a few days' time after you've had your baby.

For example "Addicted attemped to access vetinary grade ketamines at the earliest stage, and came close to attempting GBH on a m/w who suggested after the third gas and air cannister that she might be going a bit far, but eventually Addicted miraculously managed to produce an intact baby as a result of full recourse to the all the NHS had to offer. Make the most of it before it's all cut back, that's my motto"

Of course this will look less funny if you really have dabbled in this stuff in the past, so I hope your nickname name is not meaningful in this regard.

Cakewench - or she might be brought down to earth with a crash the first time something doesn't work out perfectly. I had a straightforward pregnancy, after conceiving incredibly easily, and the very easy birth I mentioned earlier in the thread. I was convinced that I was Earth Mother Extraordinaire. Breastfeeding was a disaster - a pathetic little supply leading to a screaming, hysterical, unco-operative baby. I suspect that if I hadn't had that experience, I might have become a little smug.
I think that people who don't have it all easy and perfect are probably the more rounded for it.

That status is crying out for a comment along the lines of: Oh that's nice. Personally I can't WAIT to try the pethidine. I've heard it's amazing. Only reason I got pregnant.

LOL muser
very apt