To be annoyed at the smuggy smugness? why is childbirth such a competion?

[AddictedIsFeelingHappy]

i'm 38+3 weeks pregnant and am getting irrationally annoyed by every thing.

a friend of mine had her baby yesterday and on facebook (i know its the spawn of satan) her status is along the lines of

'baby x arrived weeighing 8lb 4oz in a birthing pool, i had no pain relief drugs, even with a very long labour. come on ladies we can do what nature intended'

now i'm already alittle annoyed because she was due the day before me and has already had her baby, and mine is still not here. (irrational i know!)
but why put that about the drugs? you dont get a medal for doing it all naturally and it doesnt make you a failure if you do need drugs.

gah now i'm all annoyed and wound up and cant sleep [hangry]

Or you could write..well done, wanna medal?

But then, one shouldn't be churlish....

LeQ - Vicky's pg book was my bible with DS and I often dip into it now - so reassuring and real..she is fab!

YANBU, birth smuggery is all a big old pile of bollocks. In fact I find pregnancy and birth one big yawn fest now I'm five years out of the woods.

I had no pain relief; for two daya until my c-section. But it fucking hurt and in retrospect I might have had a natural birth if I wasn't so obsessed with doing it ''properlyu'' Without the pain would have been more relaxed.

Here here! Smug bastards who have no pain relief - like you say it's not a competition! I had an epidural with the first and nothing with the second and I know which one I'd rather not go through again!! Take no notice whatsoever and I hope your labour is quick and easy and not too painful, whatever you choose

Should add that I only had no pain relief second time around because it happened too quickly.

What are you on about titty?

Lovely to feel proud of yourself but not lovely to tell women that they have to do it just the way you did, which is what the woman in question was doing with this statement:

"come on ladies we can do what nature intended"

She sounds like a competitive mum. Labour is not fun and although I didn't want loads of intervention (much as I appreciated them, NCT do brainwash you a bit on the whole natural birth thing), I took the advice of my midwife - apparently I was a little tense . I would rather be healthy with a healthy baby at the end of it - if that means I need medical help, then I'm glad I live in a country that provides it.

Does she not know the stats on maternal/infant death in countries without decent medical care?

Also titty, where are you getting that this was a homebirth? The op hasn't said that it was.

So why did you say this:

"Are you not allowed to feel proud of yourself for coping well with a challenging labour? For having the courage to make the choice to have your baby at home - even though it's something only 3% of women in this country choose to do because they see it as frightening or dangerous?"

Might you be projecting somewhat? You do know I was talking about the person in the OP, and not actually about you, don't you?

YADNBU - I had my son in a spanish country where they don't give any pain relief - I don't feel like a hero but bloody hard done by. [hgrin]

I did have an epidural at 13.02 and DS was borm by ECS at 13.19. [hhmm]

And I remember having a check up at 37 weeks and feeling very pissed off at all the full'term ladies in the waiting room (obv know as they said) and irrationally thinking they'll get to meet their babies before me - bloody hormones. [hgrin]

YANBU.

That would piss me off too.

I just don't get why any woman would feel smug re their dc's birth. It's bewildering.

It's all down to luck and to be frank if you've drawn the short straw there is buggar all you can do about it so what's to feel smug about if you've lucked out re baby's position,your pain threshold etc?

I honestly think a lot of these women who feel smug and have to shout it from the roof tops(I've met a few) often don't have a lot else to feel smug about in their lives and are slightly insecure, I often feel a little sad for them.

I've lucked out over a few things in my life and I'd never crow or express smugness as it's not pleasant and basically I just wouldn't have any cause to feel smug having just been lucky.I don't get why childbirth should be the exception.

My mil had all 3 of her dc at home completely drug free,surprisingly(as she can be as annoying as hell at times) never once has she crowed about it. She could have done as I had all of my 3 via c/s and I have never even had a labour pain. She miscarried many babies in between each of her 3 so I guess she knows all about luck and how meaningless smugness is when it comes to bringing babies into the world.

i had godawful labour and 3 great ones.

i always think giving birth 'like nature intended', well surely it would've been better if nature had decided to make the cervix and birth canal bigger and wider, so less painful.

that was Milamae who said that, not me

She only had the baby yesterday! If she's still smug about it in a couple of months, fair enough, but she had the baby yesterdat. She's not herself...

Sorry, didnt read all but had to comment on this one as it really annoyed me despite the fact Im only 9ish weeks pregnant I may be irrational today as very hormonal and very sick. Im actually cringing for her for putting this on fb. You should really feel sorry for her as she looks absolutely stupid and ridiculous and its just embarrasing imo.

I hate rubbish like this. In labour with dd I literally took every drug available to me. With ds I had absolutely nothing (and not by choice). Thankfully, both resulted in two healthy babies - the only thing that mattered. I did not feel the need to tell anyone what I had/ didnt have during labour nor did anyone feel the need to ask. It honestly never would occur to me to ask (or care!!! or wonder about) when I hear of a new babys birth.

Most family and friends who rang/ visited after the births of mine were concerned with things like was dc healthy, I healthy and cooing over new baby not interested on how many blue peter badges I received through labour.

I.just.dont.get.this. It is sooo stupid. (not you the whole stupid frame of mind of some people)

Listen to the people saying it's luck.

You can improve your chances though if you get assertive and tell people what you need and how you want it. Stuff them if they have their own silly agendas. Your body usually knows how to do this, and it will tell you if it ruddy well wants pain relief (or give you the free gift of endorphines etc if it doesn't). End of. Bodies are clever like that.

"Lovely to feel proud of yourself but not lovely to tell women that they have to do it just the way you did"

FFS - stop being so bitchy and cut the woman some slack. She's just gone through the most amazing, challenging experience of her life and is full of herself. Can't you be a bit generous spirited about it?

"Might you be projecting somewhat?" Gah - I was! But I was thinking she had a homebirth. Just reread OP and realised she hadn't.

Re: 'no medals for going without pain relief' - sorry, but there can be. I've had three difficult births - one with epidural/pethidine, and two with just gas and air, and I know which births I felt miles better, had less perineal damage and easier breastfeeding after.

"Thankfully, both resulted in two healthy babies - the only thing that mattered"

Healthy mum and baby is the most important thing, but it's not the ONLY important thing. I stuck my neck out a long way to get the care I wanted in labour with my second and third because I know that your feelings about your birth can last you for the rest of your life, for good or for ill. My first birth was wonderful because it ended with a healthy baby, but my second and third births I got something extra: weeks of euphoria, easy breastfeeding and a beautiful start with my babies. I treasure those memories and feel sad for the difficulties I had following my first birth that stopped me from fully enjoying my daughter in the way I did my sons.

It's the Nature Intended bit that gets to me, not the smugness per se. I hate the feeling that 150 years of teaching evolution in our schools has been totally wasted. Not to mention all those wonderful nature films.

Nature is not cuddly!

This has nothing to do with grudging other women a happy birth experience. And everything to do with a dislike of stupid expressions.

Not to mention that the idea that Nature Is Always Right is a bit of a punch in the eye to those of us who are bringing up disabled children. Did Nature intend them to survive? Of course not. Is what Nature Intended always right? Well, I tricked Nature. And I'm proud!

Hmm... they give out medals at large sporting events. They give out medals after wars. They give out medals....after births??? The world would be bereft of medal.
Healthy babies being the only thing that matters may be a cliche but like many cliches it is there because it is true. Easy breastfeeding vs birth how nature intended? Well I wouldn't be here and neither would dd so bf would be a pretty useless skill to have picked up. Know which one I'd pick...
OP - get used to the smugness because soon you're going to be in the middle of the feeding debate! That one's even better...