to want to home ed my eldest dd?

[argeybargey]

I always wanted to home ed our eldest dd but went with the local primary for several reasons that I won't go into here. It is a good school,progressive, and is excellent in many ways that I consider to be important- like pastoral care,approach to environment as well as academic.But I am questioning if it right for my dd;if school is right,for that matter.

To be honest since she started there there just seems to be so much crap that seems to come as part of the package ,and I often think that it would be so much easier if we were home edding and not having to deal with all of the other,negative crap that goes along with the playground,specifically.

My dd loves learning and enjoys school life but lately isn't as happy, and finds the social side bewildering at times - specifically having to deal with other children excluding her or just being generally rough or mean to each other. I know it's par for the course but she's not an instigator and I just feel like why should she have to deal with all of this crap as she is a sweet kid and I hate seeing her sad.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to have to deal with,or for my dd to have to deal with,all of the playground crap?

She needs to learn to deal with it. It's the lifestyle thing to do in the long run.
Yabu

Shit *kindest
predictive text!

Glad that's sorted then Hedgeblunder : D
Any other takers?

I don't think you're being unreasonable for not wanting her to have to deal with it.

I don't want my children to hae to deal with it either but since I cannot HE (coz I'd explode ), they have to learn to deal with it because there's no other option.

School can and should prevent a good deal of it but playgrounds are playgrounds the world over and the workplace can and is just as unfair and rough IME.

HE if you can - give it a try and see how you fair?

"My dd loves learning and enjoys school life but lately isn't as happy, and finds the social side bewildering at times - specifically having to deal with other children excluding her or just being generally rough or mean to each other. I know it's par for the course but she's not an instigator and I just feel like why should she have to deal with all of this crap as she is a sweet kid and I hate seeing her sad."

This may sound harsh but she has to learn to deal with it becasue that's life. Taking her away from it will only exacerbate the problem. If she doesn't deal with the playground crap and only deals with completely safe environments where no one is unkind then how will she learn life skills.

It pains me to say it but I still deal with playground crap at work. Bitchiness, gossip, being excluded from cliques, it NEVER ends even in adulthood.

She'll be fine. she sounds like a great kid and she'll make the right kind of friends. Fuck those who want to exclude her. Just teach her to ignore them.

Being unreasonable is beside the point. Once you start questioning the mainstream your quiet life is over! Welcome to the dark side.

Being more aware of the different aspects of school is helpful whatever path you choose. The more empowered and internally confident the parent, the fewer pointless power struggles with school. It is just easier:)

If she generally enjoys school life then yes, you are being unreasonable. There are ups and downs and crap to deal with however you're educated and wherever you socialise.

Agree with A1980- sorry I was blunt OP but it really is true that the silly behaviour of the playground never goes. Could you help her with her assertiveness after school?

See, what you say about your DD finding the social side bewildering, is precisely why she should stay in mainstream education. It's what she needs to learn to cope with

YANBU at all...I think like this ALL the time! My DD is in year 2...se is very happy socially but the work takes it's toll. I find it stressfull...and so does she. I hate to think that most of her childhood will be affected by what amounts to an institution.

That she will go to school for years yet..and that other kids may be mean...she may or may not struggle with work...it bothers me a lot.

I totally disagree with those who say that becaue a child struggles socially she should stay at school..WHY should she? I struggled socially at school...made no long term mates...all of those came later in Uni when I met like-minded kids.

I also found a lot of joy and friendship at Youth theatre when I was 14. Until then I was miserable! I know I am not your DD though...she may grow into school...as mine may...all I can say is that I am seeing how things go...but if there ever comes a time when my DD does not want school anymore...she need not go.

People are pretty much conditioned by society to think that school is a MUST....that kids cannot socialise without it...well that's bollocks...at no other time in their life will they be epected to share a room with people who were all born in the same year as them and who live near them...life is about mixing and meetng many types...and of all ages from all walks.

YANBU at all....look around the area to see if there are any hoome ed groups who will be happy to let you come along to a meeting and advise you.

Wow, a lot of negativity here. I home ed.

The key is to have opportunities for your children to hang out with other kids. As long as they have outside activities with other children (Dance, science club, football etc. etc.) I don't see a problem. My 9 year old seems to rapidly make friends with any kids she's with, even if she's just met them in the park. I really don't buy that HE kids have no social skills.

School DOES come with a lot of crap. Why on earth is it useful to endure bullying or bitchiness or gossip? It doesn't render you immune to it later on. And no, those aren't necessarily part of a workplace and if they are, I actually think HE can give you a sense of perspective and confidence to help you ignore or rise above such childishness rather than reverting to whatever role you had in the playground.

I wasn't going to admit to this but the hell with it.

I was a HE child for a few years while at secondary school. Went back into 6th form college for A-levels etc. In retrospect I can't beleive that I was deprived of the normality of being a teenager at school and the sense of freedom it had. You're never really away from the home environment and it's unhealthy. Mum's your mum and teacher, you're never away from her for that long. That's fine a young kid but older kids may find it too much. I did.

Unless any HE parents were HE'd themselves then you don't really know how your kids will feel when they're older.

Back to the original point, if you child is happy generally at school, leave her there.

Forgive me for putting this question, but there is only one way of phrasing it:

Does your DD make rapid friends because she is well-socialised? Or because she is desperate to make contact with other children?

ForMashGetSmash - Much of your post rang true for me - esp the bit about not really finding your tribe,as it were, until uni,and at youth theatre before that - same here (on both counts): )

It's strange because I can see both sides of the equation - LeQueen , your post was really interesting and what you said mirrored some of my concerns - I did actually take my eldest dd to a local home ed group before she started at school and I didn't feel like she (or I for that matter)really fitted in there - it felt very insular, and I would have worried about my dd getting exposed to lots of different people and experiences (ironic I know, considering my post).

Hmm...plenty to think about there then...

Exactly quattrocentro. I would bond with anyone who wasn't my mum or my brother as i was so sick of the sight of the pair of them.

I was desperate to make friends when I went back to college and I truly struggled. All of them talking about their friends, their experiences of school, etc. It was the same at Uni. I just could join in. I didn't realise it was so abnormal until I went back in to mainstream and wished I'd never been taken out.

Perhaps our idea then OP would be something inbetween? Part time school that's not a traditional school...I went looking for such a thing and all I found was a REALLY kooky Steiner one...which was set in a place that unfortunately looked like the setting for a James Herbert Novel.

Oops!that should have read 'not getting exposed to lots of different people and experiences'

That wasn't my mum's agenda LeQueen. She wasn't oppressive. My brother and I had scholarships to a private school but got them withdrawn due to council cutbacks one year. She wouldn't send us to the local comprehensive as she didn't think it was good enough. You know what, I wish she had. It was preferable to being isolated and it was isolating being HE'd and I did struggle to re-integrate at 6th form college.