to want to home ed my eldest dd?

[argeybargey]

I always wanted to home ed our eldest dd but went with the local primary for several reasons that I won't go into here. It is a good school,progressive, and is excellent in many ways that I consider to be important- like pastoral care,approach to environment as well as academic.But I am questioning if it right for my dd;if school is right,for that matter.

To be honest since she started there there just seems to be so much crap that seems to come as part of the package ,and I often think that it would be so much easier if we were home edding and not having to deal with all of the other,negative crap that goes along with the playground,specifically.

My dd loves learning and enjoys school life but lately isn't as happy, and finds the social side bewildering at times - specifically having to deal with other children excluding her or just being generally rough or mean to each other. I know it's par for the course but she's not an instigator and I just feel like why should she have to deal with all of this crap as she is a sweet kid and I hate seeing her sad.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to have to deal with,or for my dd to have to deal with,all of the playground crap?

One thing to consider if you think your child might want to be a doctor or a lawyer or something like that, is that universities often don't just ask for A, they ask for A in one exam session. This means that doing a couple of exams one year, and a couple more the next puts them outside the criteria for the course and given how competitive these courses are putting yourself at a disadvantage is basically stopping you from doing them at all.

OP from what you said it doesn't sound like your daughter is the victim of bullying, just general childhood behaviour and sorry to be blunt but at some point she needs to learn that people are mean to each other and do exclude each other sometimes and she needs to learn to deal with it. The general nastiness does not just stop once you leave school. I don't think she would benifit from being removed if otherwise she generally enjoys school. If she was being bullied then it might be different but everyone goes through the type of behaviour you are describing and its a valuable life lesson IMO.

I think home edding at primary level is fine, if that's what you're into and you have the patience and skills.

Secondary, imho, is different.

When I look back to high school, particularly sixth form, I had some really great teachers. I did languages at A Level and had teachers who were fluent, able to answer anything I needed, small class sizes for conversation practice etc. I really look back on my A Levels as a halcyon time of learning and do not see how that could have been replicated at home.

I can see both sides of the argument. I took DS6 out of school fo HEing - he was being bullied, thought he was crap and a failure - struggled big time.

We HE for a year and a half and i found it incredibly hard - he didnt want to do anything but he certainly came on leaps and bounds and went from hardly reading to reading quite confidently.

I found the socialising bit quite hard some of the other HErs were quite frankly "odd" - we went to one group and they were bloody horrible and hit him with a stick - so to say they dont have to deal with nastiness because they are HE is rubbish. He did still do his football and swimming club and was fine mixing with other kids.

He returned to school and the first thing the teacher said was "he's quite sociable really considering he has been HEd - he has settled in playing with the other boys very well" - not sure if he thought id locked him in the cupboard for that period.

I prefer him being back in school - I need some time to myself and he has moved to a different school and he is happy, confident, enjoying school and is now suited to school.

Id say OP - go and see your local HE groups and see what is around - some people are very insular and dont want to meet up very often despite what they say.
Have a look at a different school - your DD may be happier somewhere else.
Dont think she wont have to deal with nastiness at HE group - she will - and the parents seemed to turn a blind eye thinking that it ws up to the children to resolve their issues - but thats not always the case

Oddness isn't restricted just to home edded kids, and nor are social ability or common sense. I've met some real weirdos (including parents) during ds's time in schools (two of them - I did try to make it work but no dice with the authorities), and have met some very level headed and socially aware people of all ages on the HE circuit.

For the record, my ds had no friends and hardly any social life when he was still at school. School life was so hard for him that he became too stressed to cope with anything outside of it. He's doing well in all respects now he's been HE'd for two years.

There's a lot of stereotyping on this thread and it doesn't make pleasant reading.

Agree with streaksofblood. I went to school with some right weirdos, and some of the nicest, most well-rounded kids in our neighbourhood were home educated.

In fact, looking back, I wish I had been home educated, as I wouldn't have had to deal with the same sort of stuff the OP wants to keep her daughter safe from. And I can inform you that what everyone is saying kids should just "get over" completely changed my life for the worse.
As a result of "playground antics" at both primary and secondary level, I lost all my self-confidence and ability to relate to pretty much anyone over the age of 10. You just need to look at my grades from Y6 to Y11 - they slowly, but steadily, headed for the floor because I just didn't bother as everyone had convinced me I was useless.

I recognise this now, but it's too late to do anything about it. So OP, I would suggest you look very carefully at your DD, and if you think that the bullying is having a lasting effect on her then feel free to HE if you feel you can. Or move schools. Just don't let the bullying continue unchallenged So many people just brush it off, when it's really a big deal.

The bit that is a microcosm of adult life is the idea of fitting into a slightly opaque hierarchy, taking turns, of you not being top dog the whole time, and putting up with daft rules. I don't know about other people on here but I have spent a lot of time coping with this over the years.

PS My mum home edded me for a bit after a period of ill health on my part. Academically terrific, but school was a relief.

Agree with Lofty..I also went to school with some total weirdo's and they were just the teachers!

I was damaged by it....no shadow of a doubt...but I also think this was because the school was failing badly and in an area of high deprivation. I have done all I can to ensure my DD is at a school in a good area etc. But "nice middle class kids" dont' inure against misery....or not fitting in do they? No. So my eyes are open....

lequeen:
"children struggle at school because they havent developed the social skills to cope"????

What a load of bollocks.

My son was bullied by the same boy for 3 years - from nursery to year 2 - the school did nothing.

Tell me, how does a 3-6 year old develop the "social skills" needed to deal with being locked in toilets, held down and punched, stamped on etc????? Do tell me!!!

How do they deal with being told at age 5 that they are not good enough at reading??? 5 ffs!!!!!

I wonder how the families that you take money from for "tutoring" their children would feel if they knew your real opinion of them????

You dont approve but take their money? Nice.

OP: YANBU
Please go onto the HE boards for help and advice. Also check out the local HE yahoo groups. Education Otherwise is also a good place to look for info.

...oh, and dh and I both went to school and are both educated to degree level.

Wish I could say the same of ds1's teachers!!!! They couldnt spell and their grammar was atrocious.

Those that can do and those that cant teach.

at LeQueens post implying that MusicoftheNight is bragging that then goes on to tell us how her DH does GCSEs for fun and her DD has read The Hobbit at the tender age of 6.

Glad to hear that DS1 is doing so well Riven. I would like to think that my DS will return to school to do his GCSEs too.

DS is only 8 so won't be thinking about it for a long time, and I'll let him decide when the time comes.

Hopefully we'll be a able to afford IGSEs so he gets the choice, but that will rely on us winning the lottery or something

I agree with a lot of what both sides are saying, here :). I feel better after reading some of the Neg stuff because 2 DC would prefer to be HE'd, and I would be miserable to HE them (I foolishly admitted that on another website and got pretty much accused of being a terrible parent for it :(... I have HAD to HE them on 2 occasions and it was even more Hellish than I feared :().

Something nobody else mentions, OP: the HEing parent (and it's usually just the one parent who takes on most the HE) they end up having to make sacrifices. What else could you do with your life and time if you didn't HE, are you sure you want to put all your eggs in that one basket? Will you feel fulfilled doing that? And will you suffer financially I know HEing families who can't afford to send their DC to any-- many activities because one parent has to stay at home all the time. One HE family we know who live locally are adamant that they NEED two cars precisely because the HE parent doesn't want to just stay at home all the time and can't work. Same family really only encourages their DC to do one type of activity because it's the only cost-effective option. They're a great family, our best friends and lovely kids, but they make a lot of compromises I'd personally not want to make.

"Those that can do and those that cant teach" - nice becaroo.

The teachers at the school I work at are in the most part really special, really good at their job and really want to help the students.

They certainly can.

skryg, no I've not researched HE as have no intention of doing it for a number of reasons. HE-ers are welcome to do what they want; I was just trying to put another point of view. I suspect both sides in this debate can be rather blinkered (so that includes me ).

I do think the message to the OP that her DD needs to learn to deal with nastiness etc etc is valid actually.

You have to bear in mind that there are all sorts everywhere and HEed DCs will be a mix. Some will HE because their DCs were the bullies at school and the parent wouldn't accept it.
It isn't so simple as
school = unpleasant DCs
home=sweetness and light.
Human nature is the same world over. Much better to help her deal with it-support friendships etc.

'"Those that can do and those that cant teach

I think that that is utter rubbish. Many a person who 'can'- can't impart it to others. Teaching is a skill.