to want to home ed my eldest dd?

[argeybargey]

I always wanted to home ed our eldest dd but went with the local primary for several reasons that I won't go into here. It is a good school,progressive, and is excellent in many ways that I consider to be important- like pastoral care,approach to environment as well as academic.But I am questioning if it right for my dd;if school is right,for that matter.

To be honest since she started there there just seems to be so much crap that seems to come as part of the package ,and I often think that it would be so much easier if we were home edding and not having to deal with all of the other,negative crap that goes along with the playground,specifically.

My dd loves learning and enjoys school life but lately isn't as happy, and finds the social side bewildering at times - specifically having to deal with other children excluding her or just being generally rough or mean to each other. I know it's par for the course but she's not an instigator and I just feel like why should she have to deal with all of this crap as she is a sweet kid and I hate seeing her sad.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to have to deal with,or for my dd to have to deal with,all of the playground crap?

LeQueen - I would say that my social skills are pretty good (no,really, I would lol)but I do admit to being really uncomfortable with all of the playground crap. I tend to remove myself from the company of arseholes in my day to day activities too,I just can't be doing with them or all of the hassle.

There's also the difficulty of teaching your kids everything they need to know.

What if your child wants to be a doctor. Can you teach them biology and chemistry to GCSE or A-level? Or teach them well enough to get A grades across the board at GCSE which is what they need. What about foreign languages?

YABU. Dealing with playground cliques and other shit is an active part of growing up. You can help them with strategies to deal with it, but taking them away from this is not good in the long run. Hell - the same thing goes on in the office.

I was fortunate and never bullied at school, but I have met some right bastards in a professional capacity as a grown up. Part of growing up is learning how to get along with people and stand up for yourself. You can only protect your precious dcs for so long.

LeQueen, you have a very narrow view. I'm not disputing your experience at all, but it's wrong to assume it to apply to all or even most home educators. My elder home ed daughter has just passed 3 GCSEs, including an A grade in Biology and 100% in Maths - she took them at 13. This year she takes 4 more and we are predicting A*s. My youngest who is only 11 is taking GCSEs this summer. We know many other people in the same boat. We haven't had any outside tutoring.

They came out of school because they were very unhappy and since the home ed have never been so sociable and well balanced, with so many friends. Independence and confidence come from security, not from forcing a child to live with an awful situation, day in, day out.

argeybargey, why don't you post on the home ed board in the education section? You'll get to speak to lots of people currently home educating in all sorts of ways for all sorts of reasons.

I think people who don't do it can have a very narrow view (and I'm not anti school at all, BTW, I'm a primary school teacher). I just don't think you'll get a balanced response on here because many people have a lot of preconceptions about what home ed is, many of them wrong, sadly.

You can't possibly get on with everyone in the school playground as a parent, just spend time with the ones you like the best. I have made some great friendships this way.

I home ed one, but have one at school too.

musicofthenight

What of my view as a someone who was home educated? I don't have a preconception, I actually lived through it. Am I wrong in how it affected me? Were you home educated yourself?

I've never thought about HE - I needed a break from my dc's and a bit of a life of my own. I think that made me a more rounded person and a better mother. I wouldn't home ed but I do think different children may need different schools. You say your dd is at a progressive school and you like that but is it right for her. Could she need somewhere with a bit more strucure. We sent our to the same primary but moved ds end of year 4 and it was always a rocky ride with him to be honest yet it suited dd perfectly. I think you should have a look at other schools and consider that option before he. Honestly, your dd needs to experience what most of her peers will experience and children, imo, need time away from their parenst to develop their own selves and their independence.

And why should dealing with awfulness be part of growing up? You wouldn't stay in a job you hated, year in year out, so why do we think this is good for children?

You learn to deal with hard situations through maturity, not through being exposed to awful situations. If you grow up secure and strong, you will have the confidence to deal with crap in the workplace. Some adults have their confidence robbed for their whole lives because of school bullying. I fail to see how people who say they must put up with it care about their children at all, tbh.

Actually people do stay in jobs year in and year out that they hate as it can be hard to to move or find a better job. Again, it's part of life.

A1980, I was talking about LeQueen's post. Of course, I don't dispute your experience. I'm just saying your experience isn't everyones. And yes, for reasons I won't go into, I was home educated for a short while. I later went to secondary school which I absolutely loved too. So I think I have a fairly balanced view overall.

"and children, imo, need time away from their parenst to develop their own selves and their independence."

This is what I mean about preconceptions. What makes you think home educated children don't get this?

Nobody likes to think that their son or daughter is struggling to make friends and/or finds the rough and tumble of the playground distressing. But I don't think those elements are enough justification for home education. Because the message becomes.. 'when life gets a little difficult, run away and isolate yourself'.. .and that could mean you end up with a loner in the long-run.

I'd suggest you work with her teachers if you're worried about how things are at school. They can be helpful if they know there's a problem. Also, you put some work in on developing her a social circle of friends and building her confidence through activities she can join in with (you'd have to do this anyway if you did go with home education) Good luck

Some very prejudiced, narrow views here. The idea of aspiring to Steiner is laughable for me. LeQueen if people want you because they want a Steiner tutor then you're not getting a balanced mix of home-edders, you're only dealing with Steiner aspirers. Don't tar everyone with the same brush.

Don't know about the UK, but here many of the prestigious universities are starting to target home-edders specifically. The University of California (which includes Berkeley) is promoting acceptance of portfolios for unschooled students and students who follow non-traditional schooling. Our science museum, national history museum, marine museum etc. etc. etc. all offer homeschool classes, many at a more advanced level for homeschoolers - a LOT of gifted kids are homeschooled here. There's recognition that homeschoolers are getting good results and a more rounded education.

Of course if children are never allowed to see other children or other tutors, they're not going to get many perspectives but it's up to parents to encourage children to attend extra activities. My DD has been accepted into the science museum's girls' Saturday club a year early. Both DDs dance, do gymnastics, take music lessons and do a whole stack of day camps in the holidays. But that's why I love HE. You get basic lessons done with without loads of messing around, repetitive worksheets, playground bullying, PTA nonsense and then have plenty of time to take trips you normally wouldn't have time for and do all kinds of activities, participate in the community and so on. Stop saying all homeschoolers are antisocial or weird or whatever. It's nonsense.

"You wouldn't stay in a job you hated, year in year out, so why do we think this is good for children? "

Um yes - people do that. Because they have no realistic alternative. Tis life. Sorry.

What a sad view of the world. Really? Do you want to bring your children up to think that they have to stay in a job they hate for the rest of their lives because there's no alternative?

My dd started Kindergarten in Belgium aged 2.5. I have watched her and her little cohort grow up from vertible toddlers to more independant primary school children. At 5/6 they start to get cliquey. There is always one that is left out. DD has been there recently, and sobbed in the car about it.

At the end of the day they are all still friends, but playground politics gets in the way. I would be a total fool to whisk my pfb off to home ed to protect her from this "unpleasantness". It is the way of the world.

LeQueen says:

"I worked with upwards of 30 kids. Without fail, not one of them had what I'd term normal social skills. They were fine(ish) with adults, but couldn't socialise at all with their peers. "

The Forum of Private Business says:

"Our survey of 4,000 employers amounts to a condemnation of Britain's education system, which is, self-evidently, turning out school leavers who are socially inept and unprepared for the world of work," said Len Collinson, National Chairman of the Forum of Private Business (FPB) which carried out the Research on Skills Survey among its members."

"...there should be a greater emphasis placed on teaching ?social skills', such as encouraging pupils to communicate clearly, instilling a modicum of respect for others, and promoting in them enthusiasm for a useful working life. "

Like LeQueen, I have worked with groups of home-educated children, but unlike her, have found them to be hugely considerate of each other's needs, inclusive of those who are different (without being told to be), able to work productively together without supervision, and keen to learn.

Perhaps I got lucky and she didn't...

YANBU. Go for it, you'll have a fantastic time...

Er Carmen, some people can't actually change their job willynilly because they don't like it. I mean, they really can't!

"What a sad view of the world. Really? Do you want to bring your children up to think that they have to stay in a job they hate for the rest of their lives because there's no alternative?"

No but bringing up your children such that their default response to any unpleasant / uncomfortable social situation is to "run away" isn't going to do them any favours - either as a child or as an adult.

I stayed in a job I really wasn't enjoying for a number of years.

It was well-paid and the hours fitted well around school. I figured I wouldn't fine the same thing anywhere else (I was right btw) so I stayed there. Sometimes you have to learn to put up with what you don't like to get something you want.

I'm not sure if this is off-topic or not, but anyway, here goes:

My DH's cousins are HEing their children. Much to my DH's aunt's disgust. DH's aunt is a teacher, but the real and genuine sorrow that she has about her grandchildren being HE'd seems to me to be valid.

The reason that she is upset, is that so MANY conventional careers are now out of the reach of her grandchildren. Her DIL is not particularly well-educated, and undertakes all the teaching herself. So the children are (a) not particularly well-socialised and (b) have ZERO chances of becoming doctors or lawyers or anything that requires a high level of academic attainment

For me, education is about broadening the range of opportunity for my children. Not narrowing it.

The fact that many parents are just unsuitable as teachers rarely gets a mention in a discussion like this.

It's not just having the qualifications, the skills and the temperament (and no, just being their parent doesn't mean you necessarily have the right temperament,)it's having the knowledge both of the subjects and of how to teach that's so important.

I've seen so many people think they can home educate their children, without any more qualification than just being the child's parent.

I see the work my 6 yo brings home from (Belgian) school. She is doing fantastically well - and I would not have a clue where to start. I am intelligent, educated and can spell, most of the time, but I don't see myself as nearly qualified enough to teach dd, even at primary level.

That's very true about parents.

I work at a school where I cover (not teach!) lessons in all subjects. I am well-educated and was brainy at school but even I am struggling a bit with GCSE Physics (and I am just setting work left for me).

Would really really not want to have to teach science/business studies/psychology etc etc to a 16yo from scratch. How do people do that?