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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to home ed my eldest dd?

159 replies

argeybargey · 23/10/2010 21:32

I always wanted to home ed our eldest dd but went with the local primary for several reasons that I won't go into here. It is a good school,progressive, and is excellent in many ways that I consider to be important- like pastoral care,approach to environment as well as academic.But I am questioning if it right for my dd;if school is right,for that matter.

To be honest since she started there there just seems to be so much crap that seems to come as part of the package ,and I often think that it would be so much easier if we were home edding and not having to deal with all of the other,negative crap that goes along with the playground,specifically.

My dd loves learning and enjoys school life but lately isn't as happy, and finds the social side bewildering at times - specifically having to deal with other children excluding her or just being generally rough or mean to each other. I know it's par for the course but she's not an instigator and I just feel like why should she have to deal with all of this crap as she is a sweet kid and I hate seeing her sad.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to have to deal with,or for my dd to have to deal with,all of the playground crap?

OP posts:

SpringHeeledJack · 25/10/2010 12:14

ragged- my eldest goes to secondary school and we've a big age gap between him and dd1 so he would far rather go to school than stay at home with the littlies - as for days out- he's of the stage now when trailing round with his mum round museums etc would mean social death!

so it works all round- for now anyway...

piscesmoon · 25/10/2010 13:15

I would say that you could go out if your DD is happy. I wouldn't have been jealous if my mother had HEed my brothers-just profoundly glad that I was out at school and she was leaving me out of it!! Ask your DD-I bet she doesn't mind.
It also makes me laugh with that the thought that HEed kids are kinder and more inclusive! Some are and some are not-exactly the same as schooled kids. Caitlin Moran had a very funny article about being HEed as a DC and she and her siblings set out to terrorise a perfectly nice (but timid)family!!

ragged · 25/10/2010 18:29

My DD would mind -- HUGELY!! :).

piscesmoon · 25/10/2010 19:16

Give her the choice then ragged, school or home. I don't think that she should do one and place restrictions on the other.

SDeuchars · 25/10/2010 19:44

Someone said "One thing to consider if you think your child might want to be a doctor or a lawyer or something like that, is that universities often don't just ask for A, they ask for A in one exam session. ... basically stopping you from doing them at all."

To put a counter-view: My HE-from-birth DD has no GCSEs or A-levels. She has just started a prestigious law course at a good uni. She applied on the basis of 190 points in Open University courses taken between 14 and 18. She was not good at socialisation with peers from 0 to 16 but is thoroughly enjoying that side of uni. Before anyone suggests it was my fault, 16yo DS (also HE from birth) has no problems with socialising. DS is also doing OU rather than school exams. I am not expecting to have problems if he decides he wants to go to uni (although he will not be aiming for medicine either).

ReformedCharacter · 25/10/2010 20:33

SDeuchers, can I ask how your DC's have accessed the OU?

DS is way too young at the moment but I want to know what his options are when he hits his teens.

I thought OU was only available for adults. Do they make special considerations for HEd students? Also, are the courses fully funded for under 16s or does it depend on parents income?

If possible I would rather DS bypass the GCSE stage too, unless we can afford IGCSEs (doubtful unless our income changes drastically between now and then).

Hope you don't mind me asking.

ragged · 26/10/2010 10:15

OU Foundation courses can get you into Uni, ReformedCh (but I don't know anything about them).

I don't want to make DD choose, Piscesmoon, it's between a rock and a hard place. She has said she'd rather stay at school for now (when I did consider HEing DSs). That was a gut-wrenching enough decision to have to choose between seeing more of her friends or seeing more of her mom, anyway. Bad enough if on top of that I went out and did "fun" things with her brothers that she missed out on, that would make things even more gut-wrenching for her.

This is all a bit silly for me to talk about anyway, HE would be a nightmare for me. At least I can say I thought it thru carefully.

SpringHeeledJack · 26/10/2010 10:23

ragged sorry I didn't pick up from your post that you were considering it- I thought you were just having a bit of a ponder about siblings

tbh in most cases I know of in families where one or more dcs are home edded and one or more are (happily) at school the schooled child has ended up getting fed up at having to cope with all the more burdensome aspects of school (eg getting up early ) and ended up coming out of school anyway. I think if you take one out you need to at least be prepared for the lot to be out sooner or later!

piscesmoon · 26/10/2010 15:20

If it is a nightmare for you then don't do it! It is really a way of life I think.
I have known people who had some at home and some at school, but the ones at school had chosen it and were not in the least worried about what was happening at home.

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