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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this teacher was very rude indeed!!!

201 replies

TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 12:20

OK DS1 is not the easiest pupil at times but the Monday he asked his french teacher if he could take his blazer off as he was hot. She told him not unless he asked in french, and apparently other pupils told him as well - I didn't think they had a right to tell another pupil what to do. Anyway - DS1 told her he felt dizzy and was too hot but she told him no he couldn't, rightly or wrongly he did anyway.

Yesterday I spoke to the head of house and expressed my concern that he had already informed the teacher he was feeling unwell and yet she wouldn't let him remove his blazer unless he asked in French. She said she agreed with me that it was wrong and she would have a word with her.

Roll on today the said french bitch teacher called me not 6 minutes ago and basically repeated what DS1 had said to me, I explained my feelings which are - and I quote "Some children are so much quicker at learning languages, I am 35 now and have never been brilliant at it"

The bitch teacher then replied "Now be quiet and listen to me, I am older than you"

I replied "Excuse me, I am not a pupil, I am the mother of a pupil"

She didn't like that and ended the call.

I am fucking furious, I have left a message for the head of house to call me ASAP.

OP posts:
alicatte · 21/10/2010 19:34

I think what I am trying to say to you Lady Evil Star is that the teacher might not have intended to be as rude as she was. I wonder what she was going to say? If she is French, then it has been my experience that 'directness' is not considered rude in France (DH is a linguist - we spend a lot of time there) Here we feel affronted by comments that French people take in their stride - I think so anyway (Does this make me some sort of -ist? I do not mean to perpetuate 'racial' stereotyping, this is just a personal and empirically observed cultural point). She might, and I know you might think this odd, have been trying to be supportive.

It isn't easy to be in your position, you love your child and want to help him all the more because of his special difficulties. Mothers are meant to be tigers in protection of their children, it is entirely natural.

Mothers will leave no stone unturned in trying to help their child. I have a drawer full of Psychologist reports (so much so that I can identify the stock phrases different psychologists use) and I have read every one. All the teachers have - we just do, we ALL do. You can trust most of us, we went into the job because we like children and are generally good with them.

Best wishes and good luck.

alicatte · 21/10/2010 19:47

I'd have added 'parce que, je suis trop chaud.' and begun with 'S'il vous plait Madame.' Pumpkin. Its just been my experience that the Madame/Monsieur bit is very important in French.

alicatte · 21/10/2010 19:49

Oohh listen to me - you can tell I'm a teacher, I don't mean to be a rude one. I think your DS provided a really good phrase there.

blowninonabreeze · 21/10/2010 19:49

In terms of the original event, surely it depends upon whether your ds was being defiant or genuinely incapable when asked to speak in French. I'd be very surprised if an experienced teacher were incapable of distinguishing between the 2. I can't imagine many boys would admit they were being defiant to their parents, and given your ds's diagnosis and your previous posts this sounds as though it could have been a possibility.
Regardless of the original event, the teacher was pretty rude to you. Perhaps her exasperation was linked to her frustration over the original incident??

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 21/10/2010 19:58

Just an update..

At 6.15 this evening the HoL called me and there is an appointment on the 2nd November. The reason for this is today DS1 had French again, and the teacher sent him out for the same reason - wanting to take his blazer off. Now I have been in the school and know it is very warm in there, with the heating on. The HoL stated there is conflict because the teacher is stubborn and won't back down at all on giving any pupils who struggle a bit of lee way this doesn't mean just DS1.

The meeting is to see if we can come to an agreement where by DS1 does something else during french, whether it be another subject or a different teacher, which is going to be hard as she is the only one in the house.

Anyway, my OP was whether I was BU to be annoyed at the way the teacher spoke to ME I only put what had happened as a background on the situation.

As it stands I know I was not BU to be annoyed by it.

There is, as there should be, mixed feelings on my actions. Well I am not going to say anyone is right or wrong.

Of course I know that I will have to change the way things are within our home, which is why I have sought help to do this, this includes trying to find a new property to move to so that DS1 has his own room (which he does atm but DS2 is in with me) and also we have a garden, which was recommended by the professionals involved now.

OP posts:
childrenofthecornsilk · 21/10/2010 20:00

Jesus H Christ

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 21/10/2010 20:01

Just to make it clear, and you on here know I won't defend him if he is wrong, I will be first in line to make sure it is dealt with, the teacher said he was not being defiant initially but when she asked the rest of the class to tell him what he had to do that is when he took his blazer off without asking in french, but she also said he clearly told her he felt hot and dizzy and wanted to take it off.

OP posts:
childrenofthecornsilk · 21/10/2010 20:02

She's in breach of the disability discrimination act -not just stubborn

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 21/10/2010 20:03

Corn, i feel the same but probably for different reasons.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 21/10/2010 20:04

x-posted Corn

I have only one option and that is him to not wear his jumper. but then he will be cold on the way to and from school.

OP posts:
Lougle · 21/10/2010 20:06

TLES, if that is an option, why can't your DS simply take his jumper off and put it in his bag prior to his french lesson? Confused

blowninonabreeze · 21/10/2010 20:17

Well your ds has definately found that particular teachers button .....

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 21/10/2010 20:31

Lougle because they are meant to wear the full uniform including jumper except during summer months.

Blow Why can't you see that asking to remove his blazer should not be a button to cause a reaction in a teacher whether asking in English, Arabic, or Spanish.

OP posts:
blowninonabreeze · 21/10/2010 20:44

Well did he ask in French this time?

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 21/10/2010 20:54

Blow The HoL only said there had been a similar incident today and she had tried to sort it out but there was not anyway she could get the teacher to back down. I will find out more when i go to meeting.

OP posts:
TrappedinSuburbia · 21/10/2010 21:01

Agree with HauntingTheTardis, great post.

ChippingIn · 21/10/2010 21:31

blowinonabreeze' TLES's DS is not doing well at learning french, at all^. This is a complex sentence for any first year french student - let alone one struggling! On top of that he was unwell & has a few other difficulties. I really don't get the impression he was being defiant - but even if he was, what is getting the class to make a lot of noise, make him the centre of attention & generally make him upset/freeze going to achieve? - her attitude is nothing short of bullying!

Secondly - I don't care how frustrated the teacher may have been with DS's son, the way she spoke to TLES was completely unacceptable.

TLES - I don't think you have done anything wrong. You have only done what most parents would do in this situation. Please let us know what happens.

HauntingTheTardis · 21/10/2010 21:44

Blowinonthebreeze - I'm not sure if you saw, but TLES's ds suffers from a condition where getting overheated can cause him to have a seizure - especially, I gather, if he is stressed at the time - like if he is trying to remember the french for 'please may I take my blazer off?' and being shouted at by the rest of the class.

I honestly cannot understand why some schools and some teachers feel the need to be so dicatorial about what the children are wearing. I have no problems with uniform, but children need to be comfortable in order to be able to learn effectively, so there needs to be some flexibility there - being allowed to take off a blazer or jumper if you are too hot doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

After all - how many of us would knuckle under if told we could not remove a layer of clothing in order to be more comfortable (unless said layer was the last one between you and nakedness, of course)? Ds1's previous school was like this - no boy could remove their blazer until the teacher had given permission, and some just didn't, so the boys sat there hot, uncomfortable and sweaty - and I honestly fail to see how that enhanced their learning experience at all!!

MumBarTheDoorZombiesAreComing · 21/10/2010 22:15

I've just seen and read this whole thread.

TLES I would just like to say YANBU to be annoyed about the way the teacher spoke to you.

I have read many of your threads (one was quite heated about your attitude to DS at the time and we disagreed strongly).

I can see and have noticed over time you have completely changed your attitude and adapted your parenting and have fought for a long time against ds AND NOW YOUR FIGHTING FOR HIM. Keep it going and if you need to point out to teachers obvious things then do. And YES, every teacher DS has should know about all his needs - it's called inclusion. Oh and a friend of mine, in my year when I was secondary (many moons ago) had RAS and all pupils/staff were educated about it and told what to do if pupil had a seizure.

FWIW I work in a special school and have 9 pupils in my class. 1 has a condition only 27 others in the world have but I'm still expected to know everything about it and how to educate them etc - its called good teaching.

Best of luck xx

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 21/10/2010 22:27

Mumbar, I remember the thread Blush.Thankyou for your post, you don't know what it means.

I was burying my head in the sand, focusing on the fact he was very intelligent yet foooling around but not looking at the cause. BUT thanks to MN'etters I woke up and saw there was more to it, and although I am not to blame for it IF I had faced things sooner they would or maybe not have been easier all round.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 01/11/2010 19:31

Tomorrow is the appt day.

I have been thinking over the last conversation had with HoL (last Wednesday).

One of the things she has stated yet again is that there is "conflict and tension from the teacher towards DS1" Now my thoughts are that as a teacher she is in a profession whereby she should be able to control this and continue teaching.

However I am stuck with what I should be asking, I know it is obvious that she and DS1 are not "gelling" for whatever reason, but i really am at a loss as to what to ask.

Any I ideas??

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 01/11/2010 20:05

Lougle and co, you are not alone.
When I realised this was another TLES thread, I knew that I would have nothing useful to contribute, so I didn't.
I hope you find someone to help you TLES, many have tried.

rosie17 · 01/11/2010 20:15

The teacher in question sounds like a nutjob

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 01/11/2010 20:15

Goblin, maybe you should read all the recent threads where I have said thanks to various mn'etters for their help.

OP posts:
GeorgeOsborne · 01/11/2010 20:21

Agree very much with Lougle et al.