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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this teacher was very rude indeed!!!

201 replies

TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 12:20

OK DS1 is not the easiest pupil at times but the Monday he asked his french teacher if he could take his blazer off as he was hot. She told him not unless he asked in french, and apparently other pupils told him as well - I didn't think they had a right to tell another pupil what to do. Anyway - DS1 told her he felt dizzy and was too hot but she told him no he couldn't, rightly or wrongly he did anyway.

Yesterday I spoke to the head of house and expressed my concern that he had already informed the teacher he was feeling unwell and yet she wouldn't let him remove his blazer unless he asked in French. She said she agreed with me that it was wrong and she would have a word with her.

Roll on today the said french bitch teacher called me not 6 minutes ago and basically repeated what DS1 had said to me, I explained my feelings which are - and I quote "Some children are so much quicker at learning languages, I am 35 now and have never been brilliant at it"

The bitch teacher then replied "Now be quiet and listen to me, I am older than you"

I replied "Excuse me, I am not a pupil, I am the mother of a pupil"

She didn't like that and ended the call.

I am fucking furious, I have left a message for the head of house to call me ASAP.

OP posts:
ColdComfortFarm · 20/10/2010 15:29

Children with ASD do react very strongly to certain sensory issues - heat, cold, hunger etc. My own son will become very emotional if too cold/hot or hungry, or if rooms are too noisy etc. And they will often freeze if put on the spot.

MadamDeathstare · 20/10/2010 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 15:37

Sorry have had people here hence no replies, so I apologise if I miss anyone.

BTino I am the first to make sure DS1 oes all he is meant to, to the point that he stays an extra 1.5 hours after school as he found it difficult to complete homework at home. I in no way use ODD as an excuse, it is a blanket for behaviours. He is not lazy, but when he struggles with something finds it hard to put himself in the centre of attention to explain that. So instead he sits there and muddles through as best he can.

ZZZ That is good advice, thankyou!!

Commander his last one was in May this year, it was triggered by him being upset. So yes he still has them, although they are panning out now.

Victoria My initial call was to the head of house to request she reminded staff about the RAS as I really do not want DS1 having a seizure. That is not an unfair request.

Maryz It is interesting you say that as he can , as you say, go from ok to hot/cold in what seems likes seconds. And As for the language lessons he struggles terribly then is so upset by it, because he can't grasp it at all no matter how we try to help him.

Btino I understand that staff cannot know everything about a pupil, however he asked to remove his blazer as he was "Feeling dizzy and hot" That in itself should have helped the teacher make a concious decision to allow it and even say "Next time I would like you to ask in french".
Also, I called the school initially (Tuesday) to ask the head of house to remind staff that he does need to remove his blazer/have a drink of water at times and is not being delibratly awkward.

Chipping She hung up after I said "I am the mother of a pupil NOT a pupil". Not sure I would have kept quiet tbh!

Perpetually The references made to DS1 being a PITA are because he has had challenging behaviour for a while, we are not close to getting a DX,DR's are 90% certain he has aspergers, which teamed with the ODD doesn't make life very easy, BUT I will say even DS1 says he manages to supress his behaviour within school- hence why he lets it all out when he gets home. however I digress, I was very polite to her the harshest thing I said was to remind her I was also an adult.

Saffy That woul have been me as well Grin

BTino All pupils can be challenging along the way. The teacher said he had been working quietly until then.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 15:48

Right Since I started the previous post I have had a call from the head of house, (who as well as my email had a visit from the teacher and this is quite amusing)She asked what had happened so I explained it to her. She then went on to tell me the teacher had not at any point told DS1 to ask in French or that he could not remove his blazer - strange she told me the opposite. She also said I had been rude, when the HoH challenged this the teacher replied "She said not to talk to her the way I was as she was an adult".

HoH apologised and am now waiting for a call from head of languages, who has recieved complaints from other parents about this teachers phone manner - just found this out.
HoH has said she will again remind staff that DS1 does have a medical condition which means if he is hot then he is to remove his blazer - I put it to her, I was happy to make him leave it on, if a member of staff was then able to deal with him if he had a RAS attack and take him to the hospital if needed. Grin needless to say that is not an option.

Will let you know what the head of languages has to say.

OP posts:
childrenofthecornsilk · 20/10/2010 15:49

HOH sounds fab!

MadamDeathstare · 20/10/2010 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 15:55

HoH is brilliant, I have an awful lot of respect for her and she knows from experience, in meetings/calls/emails not once have I been rude to a member of staff. So she found it hard to believe. Hence her challenging this teacher.

I did ask about DS1 being moved to a different class for french but apparently she is the only one in the house.

The fact she lies speaks volumes to me tbh!

OP posts:
maryz · 20/10/2010 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 15:58

Maryz Funny you should say that as this is something I plan on bringing up if I get a chance to at the next meeting. At my previous one the male teacher had tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt on Hmm teaches children they have to be smart!

The only one I have seen in a suit is one teacher.

OP posts:
zipzap · 20/10/2010 16:52

Dread to think what would have happened if your ds did have a seizure in her class as a result of overheating... [scared smiley]

Probably she would have demanded that he stop having a seizure because he hadn't asked for permission to do so in french Hmm

completely outrageous that children are expected to wear all their clothing regardless of the weather or the temperature where they are. Surely they should be learning for themselves about making sure they are appropriately dressed and ensuring they have enough clothes with them to be warm enough. One thing expecting all children to come to school in their blazer in the autumn term to be smart when out in the community and give good impression of the school - bonkers to expect them to wear blazer inside regardless of whether they are hot or cold.

And someone sitting in a sunny spot next to a radiator in a classroom is going to get very hotter very much quicker than somebody sitting at the back in the shade next to a cold draft blowing in and miles from the radiator.

janajos · 20/10/2010 19:19

I am a french teacher and it is not the easiest thing to ask in French. I certainly wouldn't expect my year 7-9s to be able to say

'Pourrais-je enlever ma veste, s'il vous plait Madame?' and I teach at a grammar school.

In addition, if that is really what she said to you, and, as a teacher I find it very hard to believe(not casting aspersions on you, just outrageous if true!) ; I would definitely contact the Head.

janajos · 20/10/2010 19:21

Sorry, didn't read that HOH had already been in contact....

BelligerentGhoul · 20/10/2010 19:28

Our school makes pupils keep their blazers on at all times, even in the summer, in classrooms that can reach 40 degrees. It is ludicrous and I HATE it. If, as teachers, we let pupils take them off we are told off. And then they wonder why pupils get sleepy and don't engage enough in discussion. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Teacher was rude and shouldn't have been so but I am surprised at the OP phoning the school to complain about the teacher because her son broke a rule.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 20/10/2010 19:29

Why do schcools persist with blazers.....

Why should you have to ask if you can take your blazer off, in English, or French. If you are hot, you are hot.

CardyMow · 20/10/2010 20:36

My DD is the same age as TLE's ds, just into Y8. SHe has asd. At the start of this year, the school stopped sending her to french lessons, as she was already so far behind the rest of her class that it would hold the class up with their learning or she would sit there not learning anything because she didn't understand what was being said around her. She now goes to sit in the SN dept during her french lessons, and is given extra work in other subjects. Due to the ASD, she just is unable to learn a foreign language. It took her longer than most to learn English! And that was with the aid of intensive speech therapy. And YES I DO expect every teacher my DD is taught by to have a full understanding of all her various medical problems, they are in loco parentis and should damn well keep her as safe as I would. SHe has mild epilepsy and also a heart condition. So TLE is not in the wrong for expecting all the teachers to know about her ds's RAS. Or to think that her DS should be allowed to take off his blazer when he asks in English when he is unable to ask in french. And she is NBU to think that the teacher is a rude twunt for talking to er like that on te phone!

whiteflame · 20/10/2010 20:59

totally agree with amothersplaceisinthewrong, why on earth would you ask to take your blazer off?> If a pupil asked me that i would be baffled, and probably reply (sarcastically), well are you hot?!

what happens when half the class get hot, what a waste of time

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 21:49

Hi Ladies,

Sorry for not replying earlier, I had to go out. anywayyyyyyyyyy as I was leaving the head of languages phoned, she agreed that teacher had been wrong to make an example of him in class taking into consideration the RAS alone.I told her i expected said teacher to apologise to DS1 in front of the class as she had been so eager to make a spectacle of him. I also said I wanted a written apology. She then went on to explain that this teacher was stubborn, but that DS1 HAD to speak french as it was expected of him. I tried to explain again that some children just don't "get it" but couldn't get her to understand so I said
"thats fine, I am pleased I will be getting a written apology however I want it written in Polish, after all this is my families language" - ok made me giggle to myself.

She replied with

"Oh but Mrs my teacher is french not Polish so would struggle"

My reply?

"My son is English not French and he struggles but he is expected to ask in French, by the way it is MISS H not just MRS"

ok last bit was not really needed but fgs I am not called MRS, yes thats all she called me throughout the conversation, no attempt was made to even pronounce my name, until I pointed out "See you are French and are struggling to say my surname which is Polish" she had to agree afterall I was right.

She will be calling me tomorrow so I will update you all as and when!

OP posts:
fightingthezombies · 20/10/2010 22:02

Lol - am eagerly awaiting the next instalment!

BelligerentGhoul · 20/10/2010 22:03

Sorry but I think you're being quite petty now. A child wouldn't generally be made to make a public apology because schools don't tend to work on the basis of public humiliation nowadays - so I don't think it is right to expect a teacher to.

And to make a fuss about Miss or Mrs is churlish - schools deal with many, many parents and they won't know by heart the marital details of them all.

JoBettany · 20/10/2010 22:11

I find the whole chain of events and the conversations with members of staff at your DS's school quite extraordinary.

The idea that a member of a management team would discuss the personality traits of a member of their staff and therefore escalate the situation further is IMO quite ludicrous.

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 22:16

belli, The head of languages did NOT call me by my surname at all just simply called me Mrs for the entire conversation, until I pointed out my name was Miss H then she attempted to say it 5 times before managing it.

Jo, she did indeed tell me this member of staff was "stubborn" not something I would be proud of if it was someone who worked for me tbh nor would I be telling parents.

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 20/10/2010 22:17

How utterly ridiculous you are being now! I really hope that you are joking. I can just imagine the teachers all talking about this in the staff room. I am quite sad for your ds now as you have taken this too far.

Littlefish · 20/10/2010 22:22

I agree with Belligerent and JoBettany.

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 22:24

Savoy, how have I taken it too far? I was explaining to the head of languages, that my ds was struggling with learning French. She could not understand what I was saying until I said I expected the reply in Polish. Then an only then did she. Because HoL said the teacher was out of order to make a spectacle of DS1 in front of the class and she said she needed to apologise, I said she made him look foolish in front of everyone so should apologise in front of them as well.

OP posts:
FeedMeSeymour · 20/10/2010 22:28

I don't know why anyone would think it odd. My DS was held up to ridicule aged 8 because he didn't know his times tables. He'd been in hospital 6 weeks and absent from school for 3 months due to a malignant brain tumour, neuro-surgery and radiotherapy.

A well known side effect to radiotherapy to the head is short term memory loss, dyslexia and dyscalcula. His teacher took no fecking notice of the letter from his consultant. Until we got the Head involved! Doubt whether the teacher was made to make an apology in front of the class but that should have happened.

I went ballistic and churlish I was not. He was fucking lucky to be alive and still be going to school. I manage to remember lots of information about staff members, colleagues and clients, what makes teachers so special exactly? If they are wrong they should apologise. They're teachers, not gods!

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