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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this teacher was very rude indeed!!!

201 replies

TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 12:20

OK DS1 is not the easiest pupil at times but the Monday he asked his french teacher if he could take his blazer off as he was hot. She told him not unless he asked in french, and apparently other pupils told him as well - I didn't think they had a right to tell another pupil what to do. Anyway - DS1 told her he felt dizzy and was too hot but she told him no he couldn't, rightly or wrongly he did anyway.

Yesterday I spoke to the head of house and expressed my concern that he had already informed the teacher he was feeling unwell and yet she wouldn't let him remove his blazer unless he asked in French. She said she agreed with me that it was wrong and she would have a word with her.

Roll on today the said french bitch teacher called me not 6 minutes ago and basically repeated what DS1 had said to me, I explained my feelings which are - and I quote "Some children are so much quicker at learning languages, I am 35 now and have never been brilliant at it"

The bitch teacher then replied "Now be quiet and listen to me, I am older than you"

I replied "Excuse me, I am not a pupil, I am the mother of a pupil"

She didn't like that and ended the call.

I am fucking furious, I have left a message for the head of house to call me ASAP.

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 20/10/2010 22:30

I see what you are saying, I really do. You want her to feel like a fool as your ds felt like a fool.

I just think that your ds probably wouldn't really enjoy having a public apology from his French teacher in Polish in front of his whole class. And if you are doing this for your son then this might not really benefit him.

ColdComfortFarm · 20/10/2010 22:33

I think it is vindictive to expect a public apology. I think now is the time to be graceful about this and accept an apology. I doubt your son is the only one struggling in French. Most of us would be very grateful for our children to have the chance to learn a foreign language at a decent level. She was wrong to be rude to you, in private, over the phone. She was a bit harsh with your son, but she didn't beat him and he suffered no ill-effects. Accept the apology and move on.

KeithTalent · 20/10/2010 22:44

You've had one apology and you want a public one- sheesh.

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 22:47

Savoy I was happy with any apology offered until the HoL made a big thing about the teacher being stubborn, then although I kept calm got annoyed. Lets face it there is no room for stubborness from a professional especially in teaching. As for the apology in Polish - thats for me not DS1.

Cold Do you not think it vindictive that a grown woman made an example of a child who was telling her he felt unwell?

OP posts:
FeedMeSeymour · 20/10/2010 22:50

Is it fuck vindictive! I can remember teachers apologising in our class back in the late 70s/early 80s to pupils that they had blamed or punished for doing things they hadn't done.

Being able to apologise is the mature thing to do and should set a good example. If your boss had treated you like the OP's son's teacher, and all your colleagues thought you were an idiot and that your boss was right, would you be able to let it go so lightly? Would you be grateful that your boss hadn't beaten you?

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 22:50

I have not had an apology from the teacher, and that is what I am waiting for.

OP posts:
herbietea · 20/10/2010 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 22:54

Herbie, She needs to apologise to me for the way she spoke to me which was uncalled for.

OP posts:
herbietea · 20/10/2010 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 23:02

Herbie, I called to ask the HoH to please remind staff of DS1's condition. She went to the french teacher who in turn phoned me. when she spoke to me the way she did I called the HoH to complain and she got the HoL to contact me.

OP posts:
Lougle · 20/10/2010 23:02

BTino aside from the specifics on this thread, TheLadyEvenstar believes her DS has Aspergers, which is on the ASD spectrum.

Given that ASD is a dx carried by 1 in 100 individuals in this country, with the un-diagnosed population thought to be much higher, a medium sized secondary school (1200 pupils) would have at least 12 pupils at any one time with either ASD or ASD traits. That is one condition I would expect any teacher to be familiar with.

My DD goes to a special school, and her teachers know about all of the complex diagnoses of the children in their care. They know exactly who has epilepsy, heart conditions, allergies, brain conditions, etc.

The world has changed. SEN is not reserved for the children who are 'behind' and put in the remedial class. Children are integrated and integration means that it is the teachers job to take time to know the SEN that affect children in their care.

There is no excuse, whatsoever, for a teacher to 'not do SEN' - it is part of the job.

TLE sorry, I agree with the others. You were right to feel affronted, but you have been unhelpful in your response to this situation. Your DS needs you to be his 'barometer' and if you degenerate into teaching teachers a lesson, you aren't setting him a good example. A reassurance that it wouldn't happen again was a much better target than public humiliation for revenge.

FeedMeSeymour · 20/10/2010 23:04

Yes she does, it was completely unacceptable. In any profession.

I do still smile though at my German born colleague speaking to her DD's German teacher in German throughout her Parent's Evening consultation and correcting her on her grammar all the way through. Grin

SlackSally · 20/10/2010 23:21

Ooof.

You'll be the joke of the staffroom tomorrow.

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 23:25

Lougle

Initially I was listening, when I commented "not all children are good at learning languages, I am 35 and always struggled" the teacher was very rude indeed.
Now I up until that point had no actual problem with the woman, I was simply trying to explain to her about DS1's RAS, I did not even mention the ODD or possible ASD.

It was only upon speaking to the HoL that I explained I felt DS1 was owed an apology. This is when I was told the teacher "was stubborn so it could not be guaranteed" mixed with the fact for the entire conversation the HoL called me nothing more or less than "Mrs" with no attempt at my surname, which actually reinforced what I was saying that different people struggle with different languages.

I know I probably over-reacted with the request of an apology in front of the class and for mine to be written in Polish, in my defence though, I was trying to get the HoL to undersatand what I was trying to explain about learning a new language. Her response "But she is French not Polish" said it all really.

OP posts:
Tabliope · 20/10/2010 23:28

Well, hopefully after all this trouble the French teacher will think again before she does something like that. I think it was far too much to expect a child of your DS's age to be able to ask permission to take his blazer off in French. It was completely unnecessary. The teacher should teach the pupils how to say things like that if she wants them to ask things in French.

However, I don't think you'll get an apology from her and I would let it go. You've flagged it up to the school, said that's not acceptable and you don't expect to be spoken to like that. they will know what this teacher is like and she'll probably be told watch how you speak to parents in future. I've experienced similar myself, condescending rudeness that is designed to put you in your place for no reason at all.

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 23:32

Tabli I was told there had been other complaints from other parents - the exact words were "Not again" I asked what and was told "You are not the first to say this" so it obviously isn't an isolated case, although I don't know about other parents issues with her.

OP posts:
sufferingbabyfever · 20/10/2010 23:44

I think it is absolutely riddiculus to expect a teacher to do a public apology in front of the class.

You may as well home school your child after that as you will have effectively destroyed the respect she has in that classroom.

But then at least you can make sure he doesn't have to keep his blazer on.

Having worked with children with ODD before. Who often will argue black is white. Are you entirely sure you have the correct in class events? I would be surprised to hear that if he asked and explained in a pleasant, mannerful way to have his request handled in that manner.

You have no chance of getting a public apology. Maybe a personal one.

sufferingbabyfever · 20/10/2010 23:45

riddiculous typo

Tabliope · 20/10/2010 23:49

That's unprofessional of the HoH, if that's who it was, to tell you that. I think you've made your point with them though. I wouldn't insist on the apology now. Don't ever ask for an apology, you'll never get one and will have to back down. I would just make your point, which you've done, and let it go. Perhaps suggest to HoL that if teachers want kids to ask to go to the toilet, take their blazer off etc they need to be taught these phrases as they are difficult to construct if you don't know the verbs or nouns involved. Hope your DS is ok.

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 20/10/2010 23:50

Suffering i can hand on heart say this is what happened as the teacher herself relayed the events which matched what DS1 had said 2 days ago.

She ridiculed him when he couldn't ask in French by getting pupils to tell him to ask in French. If she had written it down and got him to repeat it would have been one thing but thats not what happened.

As I have said all along, I am the first to make sure he tows the line however aside from the ODD there is a 90% hance he has aspergers, which tbh is more of a concern than the ODD. In school for the most part he is well behaved, he has the odd incident but on the whole is well behaved.

He had asked in a pleasent manner - the teacher said she wanted him to ask in French and because he couldn't she asked the rest of the class to remind him he had to ask in French. As far as I am concerned that is not right to do to a child, whether they have ODD, ADHD, ASPERGERS, or nothing.

OP posts:
ColdComfortFarm · 21/10/2010 11:44

I've had bosses shout and be unreasonable, and I wouldn't expect a public apology in front of the whole office. And anyway this is different, this is a comparatively trivial matter (the classroom incident) in which the child suffered no harm (thankfully) and a public apology in front of the whole class would I think be the wrong thing to do for many reasons, not least the fact that the child has ODD, and this could easily feed more difficult behaviour and make it impossible for this teacher (and maybe any teacher) to feel they can reprimand him. As I said, I think forcing children to ask before they can take off their jacket is absolutely and completely ridiculous, but then I don't think I would send my child to a school where this was the policy.

KeithTalent · 21/10/2010 11:45

You are carrying on as though he is 6.

Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 21/10/2010 12:01

Cold If the HoL had not harped on about the teacher being stubborn I would not have pushed the issue, but to tell me she is stubborn and always thinks she is in the right well...

Keith How am I? I called the school to ask for a reminder to be sent out, in turn the French teacher called me and was very rude, I did complain about the way she spoke to me hence why the HoL got involved.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvilStar · 21/10/2010 12:02

And either way the teacher at the very least owes me an apology for the way she spoke to me.

OP posts:
ColdComfortFarm · 21/10/2010 12:06

I gather you are dropping the public apology and the polish bit? Think that is very wise. She was rude to you, and I think you are right to point out that your son will seize up when put on the spot and should not get too hot etc, and that neither will happen again is the best possible outcome from this incident.