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Original poster

To be very pissed off that my sister thinks that I'm a failure

146 replies

vixel · 19/10/2010 22:39

My sister is an investment banker in the city whilst I'm a single mother with a wonderful dd. My brother (17) is in his final year of A levels. My cousin tells me that my sister has been telling DB that he needs to work hard or he'll end up a total failure in life like me. Apparently she says I'm a leech on society because I'm currently on benefits and that I'm an example of where idleness and irresponsibility gets you. I'm fucking furious (she wouldn't dare say this to my face), how can she judge me and then encourage DB to judge as well.

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piscesmoon · 19/10/2010 22:42

Ignore her. You have plenty of time to do anything that you want. I can see that investment bankers earn a lot, but I would find it deadly boring!

TheJollyPirate · 19/10/2010 22:42

You could say to your DB that at least you are not a smug rich tosser like her.

Goblinchild · 19/10/2010 22:44

Which of the two of you does your brother like best? That's likely to be the one he agrees with.

Lauriefairycake · 19/10/2010 22:45

Feel sorry for her - she has a very limited idea of what she thinks is 'failure'. It says way more about her than you - she's probably afraid she'll lose her job and therefore her 'self-worth'.

MaudOHara · 19/10/2010 22:45

Ignore her - you're bringing up a child - its hard work, but a wonderful gift to the world.

FreudianSlippery · 19/10/2010 22:46

Does she have kids? Maybe she's jealous.

Even if I was mega rich and successful, it would be utterly worthless to me if I didn't have my kids.

Original poster
vixel · 19/10/2010 22:47

No she doesn't have kids

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Goblinchild · 19/10/2010 22:49

She'll be waiting until the time is right and then have two perfect and trouble-free children just to annoy you. And her dog will never have fleas either.

FreudianSlippery · 19/10/2010 22:49

Ah well then, sod her. Would rather be a mummy (and a successful one at that - I am really proud of my kids) than a superficial snob any day.

PaisleyPumpkin · 19/10/2010 22:51

What are siblings for, if not to judge and criticise and compare"?

animula · 19/10/2010 22:53

Sisters do this sort of thing. Sometimes. Well, (one of) mine does.

Mine once spent an hour (an hour) explaining to me how I was a failure, and she wouldn't consider employing me, and why.

Don't let it get to you. I did. I felt down for ages, and then I realised it was just mad sibling stuff, and, perhaps, to other people (from a distance Grin) I didn't look like a failure at all.

Enjoy your child. Enjoy being young. Consider what you want from life, and what would qualify as "success" in your book, and then aim for it. You have time.

LittleRedPumpkin · 19/10/2010 22:54

This sounds like Chinese whispers to me. Your cousins says your sister says to your brother?

Who knows what the conversation was really about.

Original poster
vixel · 19/10/2010 22:55

My cousin was there when she said it

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LoopyLoupGarou · 19/10/2010 22:58

What society really needs is a few less arsey investment bankers, IMO.

maddy68 · 19/10/2010 22:59

On the other hand, were those her exact words or was she being taken out of context?

Perhaps she WAS saying to your db to work hard and she wants him to do well. Maybe she was saying something along the lines of you could have done extremely well but chose a different path, she might just have his best interests at heart.

To be honest it seems this struck a nerve with you, do you think this could be your own surpressed feelings!

Are you a tad jealous of her lifestyle?

Take it with a pinch of salt as you both want what's best for your db .

piscesmoon · 19/10/2010 23:06

Would you view an investment banker as being a success? Would you want to be one? If you do discuss it with her I would just say that you are happy as you are and wouldn't swap if you could.

wayoftheworld · 19/10/2010 23:07

Watch out for the cousin- passing on here say is never a good sign of charchter.Shock What interest would your dear cousing have in stirring things up? Is there a history there?...

You have a hard working sister- appreciate her hard work. She will appreciate yours!!

Original poster
vixel · 19/10/2010 23:10

No I don't want to be an investment banker and I'm very happy for her that she has a good job that pays well and that she is happy in life its just the remarks that I'm a leech that has really annoyed me.

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LittleMissHissyFangs · 19/10/2010 23:12

TBH, I'd tackle that head on.

I'd call her up and ask her what she'd said to DB and cousin and wait for her to top spluttering and not say a word until she had A, repeated what she had said and B apologised for it.

Then tbh I'd let her cool off for a year or two while.

no, I would not put up with that kind of treachery from my own flesh and blood.

Original poster
vixel · 19/10/2010 23:12

My cousin is one of my best friends and she wouldn't deliberately stoke up trouble if it weren't true

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blackwell · 19/10/2010 23:23

There's not much point in confronting her - if it's true she said that, she's not likely to give a shit what a 'failure' thinks of her

pallette · 19/10/2010 23:27

She sounds lovely. Is she really close to your brother?

wayoftheworld · 19/10/2010 23:30

Is there a history between you as sisters?

From my experience I find that people who want to pass information tent to do it according to their agendas( good or bad). Your sister might have made that comment in all inocence of an unsavory joke, but joke none the less. Could this be a possibility?

If it is really bothering you than it looks to me that there are issues there between you as sisters, or deep down you are jelous of her situation (having children is wanderful, but not glamorous)

Original poster
vixel · 19/10/2010 23:32

We're both quite close to him to be honest. He often comes round for tea with me and dd.
Shee also spends a lot of time with him (they went to Paris for a weekend in July) and she pays for his driving lessons and he's done some work experience with her.

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Original poster
vixel · 19/10/2010 23:35

We're not the closest sisters you'll find but I didn't think she'd slag me off behind my back to my brother and think I'm leach and a failure.

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