To be very pissed off that my sister thinks that I'm a failure

[vixel]

My sister is an investment banker in the city whilst I'm a single mother with a wonderful dd. My brother (17) is in his final year of A levels. My cousin tells me that my sister has been telling DB that he needs to work hard or he'll end up a total failure in life like me. Apparently she says I'm a leech on society because I'm currently on benefits and that I'm an example of where idleness and irresponsibility gets you. I'm fucking furious (she wouldn't dare say this to my face), how can she judge me and then encourage DB to judge as well.

Is that how you feel at times?

I hope you don't. Raising a child is hard work and you should be able to see that you are working just as hard.

No I do work part time but I do need tax credits and housing/child benefit to help us get by

Did you work as hard as you could at school etc? It sounds like she's trying to motivate him to work. I'm sure that as much as you love your child you didn't plan to be relying on benefits to survive.

Sounds like it NP, showing him what having money can buy with trips to Paris and driving lessons as a sample.

I did reasonably well at school and could have go to university but chose not to.

What did you do before DD?
A lot of people take a break when their children are young, doesn't mean it's forever.

accounting technition

why did you choose not to? i can see your sister's point, tbh. not in relation to you actually BEING a failure of course, you've all the time in the world to work and contribute to society but as a mechanism to encourage a young man to work i'd think the 'look at my life, look at this other life, now choose' would be pretty successful. i just don't think you were ever supposed to hear that you were the other life, that's all.

OP you are doing just fine at the moment- might not have the glitz and blitz of your sister, but you dont have that kind of stress either (just a different one ).

I didn't want to, I was bored with education and wanted to start working. Added to that I got offered a place at a fairly big firm.

I'd be very wary of believing anything that was reported like this to me at third hand. If you are really concerned, then perhaps have a chat with your sister, but I'd be much more concerned about the source of the quote. Without being present at the conversation, the quotes can be taken out of context and can be easily twisted. You only have to see the way the press do this to realise how easy it is.

To be honest, your brother is much less likely to be a SAHD as a career choice than if he were a girl, so maybe she is trying to encourage him to work hard and study?

I know I wasn't there but I trust my cousin, she's not a mischief maker

so it's not like you're a layabout... i don't think your cousin should have mentioned it tbh. what good has it done?

She mentioned it because I asked whether she'd had a good time when the 3 of them went out.

i do think the answer 'yeah, it was fine' might have been more appropriate.

Maybe but me and my cousin are really close and we do tend tell each other everything

I'd tell your sister to stop being a nasty bitch tbh, She is your family, if my siblings said that about me I would soon tell them to Fuck off.

You're not a faliure.

And if she wanted to encourage him to work hard why pick a single mum on SOME benefits but also working part time? Why not those that are on JSA For umpteen years and have no teeth?? Not her own sister...

I'd tell her where to go if it were me. You're raisiing a child and working and although she is a high flying banker it doesn't mean that she is superior or that her life is more of a success than yours.

I'd tell her to stop being such a smug cunt, yes she's probably done well for herself but that doesn't mean that she can just slag other people off. What happened to blood being thicker than water.

i would guess that this normal sibling one-upmanship and should be ignored.

possibly, she also fancies having kids and is jealous of you for having already done so.

and i don't think it was nice of your cousin tell you, even if it was true. hasn't one ny good, has it?

i hope she is a very generous aunty too.

Well, maybe tell your DB that although working hard to provide for himself is important, he wants to factor in being a parent at some point in his career, and that investment banking, while paying well, is very hard to juggle with family life. Point out your sister will have to make a choice if/when she wants children, as going part time isn't an option, neither is being out of the door at 5pm to be back for bath and bed - so she'll either have to give up her career, or only see her babies for less than an hour a day.

As a man, if he follows that route, he won't be able to share much of the practical side of childrearing, and therefore will have to have children with someone who is happy to be effectively a single parent (albeit with a lot of money) in the week. And most of the weekend too.

That maybe he should think about what sort of life he wants and then work out what sort of career can give him that.

And that getting top grades gives you more choices when deciding on how to spend your life. So he should listen to both sisters and work very hard!

'done any good'

YABVU to whine about being "judged" when you "judge" her for "judgeing"! Human nature has us judge, it is as much a fact of life as the sun rising.

Perhaps she feels that as you had good grades and a good job offer that perhaps you are not living your life to its potential and this saddens her.

I don't think its about motivating DB as he works hard and he'll probably get 2 A*s and a A in his A levels and he's applied to Cambridge so he's not a dosser