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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very pissed off that my sister thinks that I'm a failure

146 replies

vixel · 19/10/2010 22:39

My sister is an investment banker in the city whilst I'm a single mother with a wonderful dd. My brother (17) is in his final year of A levels. My cousin tells me that my sister has been telling DB that he needs to work hard or he'll end up a total failure in life like me. Apparently she says I'm a leech on society because I'm currently on benefits and that I'm an example of where idleness and irresponsibility gets you. I'm fucking furious (she wouldn't dare say this to my face), how can she judge me and then encourage DB to judge as well.

OP posts:
Sullwah · 20/10/2010 15:26

Apologies - my comments where not targeted at the OP.

It just felt like this summed up some of the other MNetters views on this thread.

The comments seem to have fallen into two camps:

  1. your cousin is stirring - why don't you have a heart to heart with your sister and resolve this like grown-ups
  1. She is a banker and greedy and everything is her fault and she is probably not very happy anyway
uyter · 20/10/2010 16:22

No need to apoligise, I agree with you to a certain extent.

lokaku · 20/10/2010 17:07

Well what do you want her to say to him OP. Don't work hard and become self-sufficient just rely on state handouts.

popelle · 20/10/2010 17:50

lokaku shes works part time she's not totally reliant on state handouts.

uyter · 20/10/2010 18:25

lokaku I hope you never end up needing "state handout"

ragged · 20/10/2010 18:48

Just ask your sis what she really said and what she meant by it. If she fesses up then challenge her on it, and ask her to apologise. Then you can both forget about it and move on.

No need to make it into long term feud. The world needs all kinds of people and is the better for it.

RJRabbit · 20/10/2010 18:52

Bide your time. She's a woman investment banker. It's only a matter of time before she's made redundant.
(Oh, I didn't realise how bitter I am!)

uyter · 20/10/2010 18:57

RJ you are evil

ValiumSkeleton · 20/10/2010 18:59

Vixel, I'm in your shoes (single parent on benefits at the moment). I would thnk that your sister has failed to develop emotionally. There are different types of success, and by whatever measure you use, you must still be quite young if you have abrother of 17. She shouldn't judge your life because it's taken a different path from her own. That is her failing.

I used to work in the City. I didn't enjoy it at all. Prefer being a single mother Wink So tell her to put that in her pipe.

uyter · 20/10/2010 19:13

I agree with valium either your sister has emotional development problems or there's a backstory

AliGrylls · 20/10/2010 19:22

There are a lot of people out there who think that success is purely defined by financial gain. I think these people just don't understand that other people's values can be different to theirs.

Personally, though I take the view that bringing up a happy, well balanced child is just as valid in terms of defining success as money, if not more, especially considering how many fucked up adults there are around.

baildonwen · 20/10/2010 21:59

I don't get this this woman is clearly trying to help her brother aspire to do well in life but the OP and some MN users seems to be trying to claim that raising a child whilst claiming several benefits is in some how honourable.

Original poster
vixel · 20/10/2010 23:09

I spoke to her and now I'm more pissed off she admits it all and says that she's making him her project so he doesn't end up like me. She then went into a rant about how hard she is working to pay for my benefits and how I don't deserve a penny. I put the phone down at this point but I feel like I never want to see her again.AngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

OP posts:
baildonwen · 20/10/2010 23:23

I don't blame don't you feel any shame relying on the work of others

baildonwen · 20/10/2010 23:25

I don't blame her

onadietcokebreak · 20/10/2010 23:29

Baildonwen shame on you for not learning to read. The op works part time. Care to tell us where you got your judgey pants from cos they are working tonight

baildonwen · 20/10/2010 23:32

I just don't get what the OP is moaning about she admits that she needs state handout to "get by" whilst her sister who clearly doesn't and pays the taxes that pay for her benefits is trying to make sure that their brother is self sufficient and the OP has a problem with this.

BlueGreen · 21/10/2010 00:02

OK. now, which part was she lying or accusing you for? You being a single mother with kid or you being leech on society cause you are on benefits?

According to your post you are both! So why are you furious? What have you done or planing on doing to come off of benefits? If she thinks you are a failure, means that you havent achive anything so far. Surely, your sister knows you better then us

I know few single mothers, they do work really hard to provide for them and for their kids, BUT they dont live on benefits as for them it is embrassing and they know they can work and support themselves. They would be better off if they were on benefits tho!

And her being jealous of you...? Bullshit! Jealous of what? Living on benefits? ha ha ha. I'm sure she can have kids if she want to maybe she is prepairing herself financially to have kids, rather then have the kids and dreaming on living on benefits!!!

I think your sister is a very good example and maybe its time for you to wake up and get some tips from her!!!

baildonwen · 21/10/2010 00:10

couldn't agree more bluegreen

BlueGreen · 21/10/2010 00:17

"I spoke to her and now I'm more pissed off she admits it all and says that she's making him her project so he doesn't end up like me. She then went into a rant about how hard she is working to pay for my benefits and how I don't deserve a penny. I put the phone down at this point but I feel like I never want to see her again."

Why because she told you the truth? Truth has to be told darling whether you like it or not! I just dont get why you think you have right to live your life on benefits? Some people like us working hard so that WE (people who work!) can pay your rent, food, your cigarette, your night out, holidays, your flat screen tv, your Iphone so that you can chat with your other single mother!!! friends. As it must be hard not to do anything whole day and I'm sure you must get bored (poor soul!) so you need some sort of entertaining.

And I think your brother is very lucky to have sisters like you and like her(your sister) As he can see what will happen if he doesnt work hard or if he does work hard. So the choice is his.

Have to say you have gut to post this post!

FairhairedandFrustrated · 21/10/2010 00:19

The OP does work!!! Jesus, don't you ever read anything?

She does contribute to society! (fucking hate that phrase)

She relies on some benefits, which I'm sure she would rather not, but as they are there for her & she is entitled to them, then why not?

Why does not living on benefits automatically enable you to judge others? It certainly doesn't make someone better in my book!

(No, I'm not on benefits, I have two jobs, as does dh)...but no way would I look down my nose at the OP!

mamayaya · 21/10/2010 00:28

She's being a dick. She also is prob jealous of your dd. IGNORE!

BlueGreen · 21/10/2010 00:30

"She relies on some benefits, which I'm sure she would rather not, but as they are there for her & she is entitled to them, then why not?"

I know you will say my response has nothing to do with OP's situation but if you think you will be able to connect the both situations.
Did you know that MP's had the right to claim expenses? As it was part of their salary? Now we all thought that they shoulnt but some of the MP's thought "well, if the money is there for me and I'm entitled to it, then why not?" But when we found out we were all furious werent we? So there...

BlueGreen · 21/10/2010 00:32

"She's being a dick. She also is prob jealous of your dd. IGNORE!"

Hahahah, that dick pays your benefits!!! So at least be gratefull!

ninah · 21/10/2010 00:33

'flat screen telly', not that old chestnut again surely
they really seems to bring out one's inner bigot don't they

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