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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be very pissed off that my sister thinks that I'm a failure

146 replies

vixel · 19/10/2010 22:39

My sister is an investment banker in the city whilst I'm a single mother with a wonderful dd. My brother (17) is in his final year of A levels. My cousin tells me that my sister has been telling DB that he needs to work hard or he'll end up a total failure in life like me. Apparently she says I'm a leech on society because I'm currently on benefits and that I'm an example of where idleness and irresponsibility gets you. I'm fucking furious (she wouldn't dare say this to my face), how can she judge me and then encourage DB to judge as well.

OP posts:

oranges · 21/10/2010 12:40

Has the OP ever said that tells her brother to be a lone parent on benefits? the only thing I read is that she has him over for a meal. does that mean she shouldnt invite him over in case he looks around and goes "omg this is the BEST life, I'll be just like you sis."

BlueGreen · 21/10/2010 12:40

"What is it that you are qualified to do Izzy?"

Probably nothing :) If you dig more I'm sure her parents also lived or living on benefits :))Thats how they get used to the comfort on living on benefots.

Wizzy, I'm sure you can work as a cleaner to start with no...?

izzywizzywoowooo · 21/10/2010 12:42

Yes already applied for cleaning applications, waiting to hear back! Thanks for the advice

My father works and my mum is a kept woman. Thanks for your concern though BG much appreciated.

izzywizzywoowooo · 21/10/2010 12:43

Oh and whats Benefots?

BlueGreen · 21/10/2010 12:48

izzy, you dont have to apply for cleaning jobs. just advertised yourself privately and im sure you will get lots of responses.

And also have you thought of working again privatly as a hair dresser? Start with cutting hairs in peoples homes and then when you have enough to buy necessery bits you can open your own saloon? To be honest, there is lots to do and lot of opportunity IF you really! want to. But I think sitting at home and not doing anything(this is not directed to you by the way) is sweater then working. And I do understand that :)

Glitterknickaz · 21/10/2010 12:53

So perhaps the op should give up work and be fully subsidised if that's your attitude, as she could do.

But she doesn't.

izzywizzywoowooo · 21/10/2010 12:57

Sounds like an idea and one I haven't actually thought of Will give it a go and try and see if there is any other services like that here where I am.

With regards to hairdressing I would love to do it but need to get the confidence back took a serious hit lately, But my good friend is a hairdresser so maybe able to try and ask her for a bit of help/advice.

I don't not do anything, I do try and fit some study but to be honest I want to work, I hate not having adult interaction and not having a reason to get up early and head off to work...

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/10/2010 12:57

Izzy - I didn't agree that it's OK to call your sister a leech or a total failure. However, I do agree with the principle of working for your own money and not relying on the state (ie other taxpayers) for your income. If that makes me a bitch, then woof woof.

I'm surprised that you're an out of work hairdresser. As Blue suggests, why don't you set up on your own? Mobile hairdressers are very sought after. You only need to look at the points criteria for emmigrating - hairdressing is right up there. Are you honestly not able to find any work as a self employed cleaner or hairdresser? My friend has 5 cleaning jobs on the go (turned down 2 others) - she used to be a classroom assistant but gave up when she had her youngest, and now fits in her cleaning jobs around her children.

Original poster

vixel · 21/10/2010 13:15

I don't think its ok to just live off benefits and I do work part time but I do need HB,TC,CB to support me but more importantly DD. I hope my brother and sister never need to claim a single benefit in their lives. I just resent being called a leech on society by my own sister.

OP posts:

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/10/2010 13:24

I agree - not nice to be called a leech by anyone, let alone your own sister, and I would throw a in her direction for that. Otoh (there's always a but!) I can't fault her for wanting more for your brother, and it could be that she thought the shock tactic would be an incentive for him.

I have a 13 year old who is very bright, but sadly not fulling realising his potential at the moment. We're working closely with the school (who are brilliant) and he's had a number of consequences put in place, but I'd be lying if I hadn't had a conversation with him about the importance of getting a good education and then a good job so that he's not relying on benefits. Who wants that for their children? I bet you want more for your DD?

izzywizzywoowooo · 21/10/2010 13:28

Well after my break up I moved with my parents So would need to try and spread the word to build up new clients. I would try and brush up on my skills though as things change regularly.

The only thing that I reckon would be a hurdle is transport, I would have to get the bus as nevre finished my lessons...

I apologise for calling you a bitch I thought everyone else was basically the op was a leech Aplogies.

Sullwah · 21/10/2010 13:31

izzy - I have a mobile hairdresser to do my kids hair - I am sure you could start off small by advertising locally.

But surely that is the whole point - the OPs sister was giving the brother a pep talk about getting as many qualifications as possible so that he would have options and choices. Both of which are a good thing in my book.

huddspur · 21/10/2010 13:39

The OPs sister sounds like my friend she comes from a family where neither of her parents working and they grew up on a council estate. She did well at school and got a good job and then went on to push/mentor her brother to make sure he did the same. She went to his graduation in the summer and now he has a job at a top accountancy firm so I see what she is trying to do but I don't think it was necessary to bring the OP in as an example.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/10/2010 13:51

Izzy - good luck, I'm sure you'll get plenty of work with cleaning and hairdressing. I have someone come to my house and it's brilliant - just start off with advertising locally, and between that and word of mouth you'll have your own business empire in no time, I'm sure of it!

No, definitely not calling the OP a leech (but no need to apologise ), just saying that I can understand where her sister was coming from (albeit with her tackety boots on)

niceday · 21/10/2010 14:39

vixel
Your sis it probably young (under 30). it was insensitive of her to use you as example. (but not totally wrong, since dropping out of higher education was your own choice and it did not make you happy)
Your cousin was just as insensitive or plain stupid. She could have argued with your sis, yet she just passed it on. (my guess she is either in a similar situation or partly agrees with your sis)
Your sis I guess loves you and it saddens her that althouth you do work, you cannot fully support yourself and dd. So she never told you to your face what she thinks of your situation as she did not want to upset you.
Confronting her (on the phone, not even face to face) was immature to put it mildly. She was frank and honest with you, but the confrontation was your choice, not hers.
So now relax, and once you stop fuming, think of a way to rebuild the relationship

BlueGreen · 21/10/2010 15:02

Izzy, IF I had the talent you have, honestly saying I wouldnt apply for any jobs. I would have my own business. As I've suggested. I would advertsied myself and would go to the customers house. I'm sure you will get lots of interest. Just start cutting hairs first(maybe kids hair to start with as they are not fussy about how they look [grin}) cheaper then hairdresser as you wont be paying rent or for stuff. You already have 2 good reason to charge less then hairdressers. And once you build confidence and have more customer then you are of.

And another pozitif side of it is, you can fit your work around your studies too. One more suggestion, If you dont feel confident about cutting hairs why dont you offer yourself for free for couple of days or hours when you have nothing to do? By doing this, you will learn new tactics and build your confident.

Good luck.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/10/2010 15:10

Good idea Blue - our local college does cheapy nights when the students will cut your hair for a few quid. Not tried it myself, but reports are good, so maybe Izzy could do something similar. Hell, I'd pay a few quid for a hair cut from an experienced hairdresser looking to get into the market and re-establish her skills. If you're near Edinburgh Izzy, look me up!

izzywizzywoowooo · 21/10/2010 16:01

Thanks BG and Masie - I will have a look at my local college, I also have some cousins that I have cut before so I think I shall use them as my dolls heads.

I used to do cuts for free when I was traning, people used to love it, As I was always supervised by a professional so not a lot could go wrong! It is a great option if money is tight.

Goes off to start my future plans

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/10/2010 16:06

Hurray!! When you've opened your 284th salon in Edinburgh as part of your hairdressing chain I'll be in the queue!

huddspur · 21/10/2010 16:20

This threads taken an interesting turn.

frazzell · 21/10/2010 20:45

Ignore her OP

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