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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very pissed off that my sister thinks that I'm a failure

146 replies

vixel · 19/10/2010 22:39

My sister is an investment banker in the city whilst I'm a single mother with a wonderful dd. My brother (17) is in his final year of A levels. My cousin tells me that my sister has been telling DB that he needs to work hard or he'll end up a total failure in life like me. Apparently she says I'm a leech on society because I'm currently on benefits and that I'm an example of where idleness and irresponsibility gets you. I'm fucking furious (she wouldn't dare say this to my face), how can she judge me and then encourage DB to judge as well.

OP posts:
FairhairedandFrustrated · 21/10/2010 00:38

BlueGreen - is that chip on your shoulder extremely heavy?

baildonwen · 21/10/2010 08:19

Bluegreen is right this woman is probably a higher if not a top rate income tax payer and is helping paying for her welfare payments and yet she is slating her for suggesting to her brother that he should work hard and avoid the OPs position.

poxoxo · 21/10/2010 09:20

Why she be jealous of you, she is in a much better position then you are and wants her/your brother to be too.

RedHeels · 21/10/2010 10:03

The OP did say that she is currently on her benefits. That would imply she wasn't before and probably won't be in the future. People end up temporarily on benefits for different reasons, not only to have a forever free life.

poxoxo · 21/10/2010 10:10

I just have a problem with the OP who although working part time is reliant to some degree on state benefits ripping in to her sister who isn't and who is encouraging her brother not to as well. I f more people had the OPs sisters attitude then the country would be in a much better state.

mistletoekisses · 21/10/2010 10:19

OP - YABU. Ok - maybe she should have been a little more tactful in her language...but I am with the minority few on this thread who support the gist of what she is saying.
In her shoes, I know which path I would be encouraging my DB to take.

Sullwah · 21/10/2010 10:40

mistletoe - I agree with you.

Acinonyx · 21/10/2010 10:47

Me to mistletoe!

Planning a lifetime as a parent on benefits is very different to being a single mum, probably unplanned, and relying on benefits as a temporary measure. I don't begrudge my taxes for that.

Also nothing wrong with sis encouraging the brother work hard and do well in life - but no need to disparage their own sister to do that, surely. And life is a marathon not a sprint.

Rocklover · 21/10/2010 11:01

Yes money does make things easier, but not all of us are qualified to earn that much of it.

So are we saying that those "thickies" (like me as a SAHM), who haven't got a career are less worthy than those who are high fliers?

I have worked most of my adult life, but I'm not at the moment for various reasons (appalling pregnancy nausea being one) and have paid my NI and taxes like everyone else.

So just because I happen to be a SAHM at this point in time I am considered a loser and lazy because I need a little help from the govt?

Some of the attitudes on this thread are pretty judgmental.

mistletoekisses · 21/10/2010 11:05

Rock - I didnt use the words loser or lazy, and no, I dont think SAHM or all those on benefits fall in either camp.

But I equally think that laying the foundations early gives you more choices later in life. In the OP's sisters situation, I would be doing the exact same, not because I think earning more money is the only route in life. But having the foundations in place to enable and provide a variety of choices later in life can hopefully make his life easier.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/10/2010 11:17

Have just come onto this thread, but agree with Mistletoe and others. A life on benefits is not something to aspire to, and I would much rather that my children aimed to not be on them at any point in their life, rather than looking at them as a way of boosting income for poor choices made earlier in life. If you are made redundant, or can't work due to severe ill health (not sure that pregnancy nausea counts, plenty of us work through nausea and vomiting) then I believe they should be there as a safety net, but I don't believe they should be there to support a lifestyle choice.

Rocklover · 21/10/2010 11:37

Sorry Mistletoe, I was referring more to the OP's sister's "complete failure" opinion of SAHMs. I wasn't meaning to cause any offence.

I agree that Maisie, that a life on benefits is nothing to aspire to, but neither is it something that one should feel guilty about. At the moment dp and I get some child tax credits and a portion of our rent paid which means we can make ends meet, but I want to work after the baby is born.

However, with some of the Tax credits cuts that are being introduced, it's highly likely that I will be unable to work because of childcare costs and the increase of hours to be worked to be able to apply Working Tax Credit.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/10/2010 11:48

I disagree - I don't think benefits should support a lifestyle choice, and I would go so far as to say that perhaps there should be some guilt attached to using benefits to fund that lifestyle. If people know that they don't have enough money to fund children, then perhaps the cloth has to be cut accordingly? We know we can't have 4 children as our incomes don't support that - so we don't have another.

Glitterknickaz · 21/10/2010 11:53

The OP works.
Did anyone else actually get that?

THE
OP
WORKS.

Excuse me whilst I slam my head against the wall.

PinkElephant73 · 21/10/2010 11:55

Vixel please don't listen to the shit stirring cousin it is none of her business. Tell her to grow up and not tell tales.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/10/2010 11:59

Yes, I got that she works p/t. I also got that the OP's sister wants her younger brother to earn enough so that he doesn't have to rely on the state (ie other taxpayers) to fund his children or his lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that in my book.

Does you head hurt much? Grin

poxoxo · 21/10/2010 12:03

agree totally maisie

BlueGreen · 21/10/2010 12:03

pinkelephant73, the OP actually talked to her sister and she was fuming cause her sister told her brother to work hard and not to be like OP.
This is funny as OP actually thinks that her sister shouldnt give her(OP) as an example to her brother.:)))

izzywizzywoowooo · 21/10/2010 12:10

Eurgh there's some right bitches on this thread!

OP ignore your sister she sounds like a bitch! If she wanted to use an example she could of picked someone else not her own bloody sister raising her neice/nephew.

Also for the posters who cannot read she WORKS. Shame some can't learn to read...

OP Tell her Fuck off! Clealy not a good sister! Hopefully she will be made redundant and have to rely on help then you can point and laugh! Grin Wink

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/10/2010 12:13

Who are the 'bitches' and why do you call them that, Izzy?

BlueGreen · 21/10/2010 12:22

Maisie, the bitches are us! Who said that she shouldnt be living on benefits and nothing wrong with her sister giving OP as a good example for her brother!

Now I know another scum bag who is happy!!! to live on US!!!

Izzywizzywhatever, even if her sister is made redundant im sure she wont feel guilty getting the help(not saying you or the OP feel guilty about getting those benefits as it cleary shows that you have NO guilts) as she was already paying for her share of taxes when she was working.

Just a question. Have you ever thought of working and giving up those benefits so that someone who actually! needs help can get much needed help? I think i know the answer.

izzywizzywoowooo · 21/10/2010 12:24

Erm the OP works? Therefore she pays TAX? Nah I am quite happy thanks Wink You try and find me a job where 100's of people aren't applying and I'll go for it Smile Don't care what it is!

Yes your right the bitches are you, you sound horrible to be honest...Do any of you claim CB btw?

izzywizzywoowooo · 21/10/2010 12:25

Oh and BTW I have been appling for jobs however the last two they have been closed due to a high volume of applicants...

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 21/10/2010 12:31

Ah, so I'm a bitch? How charming....when lost for anything constructive to say, scream "bitch". Very clever. Hmm

No-one is disputing the fact that she is working. What we are disputing is the fact that she seems to have a problem with her sister wanting more for her younger brother than a lifetime of benefits (ie living off the state/other taxpayers). Why would you have a problem with that?

What is it that you are qualified to do Izzy?

izzywizzywoowooo · 21/10/2010 12:36

I didn't scream just some of the posts to the op are harsh, to call your own flesh and blood a leech? And to have people agree when they don't even know the OP? Yes I'm sorry but that is a bitch to me.

I don't have a problem with that but using her own sister who is working and raising her neice/nephew is nasty imo.

Hairdressing, but studying Health & Social Care with The OU atm.