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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be very pissed off that my sister thinks that I'm a failure

146 replies

vixel · 19/10/2010 22:39

My sister is an investment banker in the city whilst I'm a single mother with a wonderful dd. My brother (17) is in his final year of A levels. My cousin tells me that my sister has been telling DB that he needs to work hard or he'll end up a total failure in life like me. Apparently she says I'm a leech on society because I'm currently on benefits and that I'm an example of where idleness and irresponsibility gets you. I'm fucking furious (she wouldn't dare say this to my face), how can she judge me and then encourage DB to judge as well.

OP posts:

huddspur · 20/10/2010 09:15

YABU your sister is right, it sounds like he should be aiming towards her life and not yours. She is proabably self-sufficient and in a high flying job with a large income. You admit that you need help from the State to get by so if I were talking to a 17yo boy then I know which life I'd try to push him towards.

wouldliketoknow · 20/10/2010 09:17

sisters judge you and critizise you, especially if you are not too close.... i think she wanted to motivate your brother to study and work hard, maybe it was an example as you chose not to go to university, and she wants him to go, the showing with gifts, if i had plenty of money and no kids, i would spend it on my brother too, good for her.
with regards to your cousin, she reminds me of my sil, she is lovely, good nature but god she needs to gossip, it's the way i found out a lot of stories in the family... she means well, but sometimes you need to take it with a pinch of salt, your cousin told you for a reason, and your question didn't prompt it, now think, what for did she tell you?
how to sort it: talk to your sister, go for a coffee and tell her, cousin told me this, is it true? if yes, why would you do that to me? if not, what really happened?, tell her you are only bringing up cos you are hurt, and hope is a misunderstanding, ... much better than shouting half drunk at her at xmas in 5 years time, iykwim.

FindingMymOOOOOOOOjo · 20/10/2010 09:18

what a cow! I'd confront her about it & challenge her views head on.

Sullwah · 20/10/2010 09:19

What huddspur said

I am sorry but if you are giving a 17 year old boy a pep talk about his future you don't encourage him to be a single parent on benefits.

DinahRod · 20/10/2010 09:27

Given his Cambridge ambitions, your sister's "motivational speech" then sounds a little redundant and given out of spite.

Aw go on, be all passive aggressive and sign your Christmas card to her as "the leaches"...

huddspur · 20/10/2010 09:39

OP if it really bothers you then why don't you go out with her and ask what she said and why she said it.

Rocklover · 20/10/2010 09:39

TBH, she is more of a leech to society. Isn't it the bloody shoddy investments the banks made that got Britain into this mess in the first place?

Bankers get big bonuses for taking huge liberties with other people's cash. Besides success cannot be measured in money, only in happiness.

Chandon · 20/10/2010 09:39

your cousin doesn`t come out looking good here.

What are her motives?!

Sullwah · 20/10/2010 09:42

Besides success cannot be measured in money

No - but it can make life a whole lot easier.

I would rather wish my CD have both money and happiness than one or the other.

FindingMymOOOOOOOOjo · 20/10/2010 09:43

give a 17 year old a pep talk re his future by all means - certainly it's fantastic to have support and inspiration.

Completely not necessary to disparage and run down her sister, who happens to be following a totally different life path, in order to do so.

wouldliketoknow I have two sisters - we are all very different from each other. We certainly don't act all judgey, nasty and spiteful to each other.

wouldliketoknow · 20/10/2010 09:51

finding, i got mostly brothers, and only experience of sisters in law, we certainly are not nasty and spiteful, and we all get on very well, but one is judgey, we have to admit.

pallette · 20/10/2010 10:15

She doesn't think very much of you by the sounds of it. I appreciate why she might want to motivate your brother to do well although by the sounds of it it doesn't sound necessary.

byrel · 20/10/2010 11:50

What a cow! Take no notice of her there is more to life than money and you have a wonderful dd to look after. Although I would be tempted to try and get everyone to call me the leach in her presence.

Litchick · 20/10/2010 12:31

I can't see any reason why your cousin would report this to you, other than to cause a rift. Not nice.

Given that, I would be interested to know what was actually said, rather than the precis passed on.

If it were that your DB should go to uni and aim high, then that is surely a great thing.
I am sure you are very happy with your DD and working part time, but being dependent upon the state is not to be encouraged...for one thing they can rip it out from under your feet at any time pace the current cuts we are facing. Independence is what everyone should aim for surely?

And before anyone jumps on me, those who end up reliant upon the state through no fault of their own are in an entirely different situation.
The rest of us should aim not to be reliant.

zippy79 · 20/10/2010 12:48

YANBU- You are a mother and you also work. That is not the life path of a failure. Your sister sounds very hollow and self-absorbed. Maybe she is secretly jealous because you have a child. Money can't buy a person happiness.

darcymum · 20/10/2010 12:55

Sorry, did I read that right? An investment banker calling somebody a leech on society! Have you asked her why she thinks the government have to make all these cuts.

BTW, does she pay any tax or leave it all for us to pay because she 'lives' in the Cayman Islands.

fedupofnamechanging · 20/10/2010 12:57

Your sister is a banker and she's calling you a leech?

SpanishLady · 20/10/2010 13:04

its been long my experience that when someone is very nasty like this it is because of how they feel really - I work in an investment bank - money can be good but its long hours, BS and boring - she can say what she wants sounds to me she is jealous of you on some level

uyter · 20/10/2010 13:18

Ignore her OP she's probably jealous of you and your DD.

uyter · 20/10/2010 13:32

Remind her who is responsible for the cuts be announced at the moment

Acinonyx · 20/10/2010 14:00

karma

There are plenty of us who would choose, without hesitation, to be a single mum rather than an investment banker.

Your cousin should have kept this to herself. When I got mad over something like this, my then boss told me an arab proverb whcih translates as: he has not badmouthed you but the one who tells you so.

It is human nature to bitch somewhat, and I observe that this is often an enthusiastic sport among siblings.

Original poster

vixel · 20/10/2010 14:40

uyter she does get touchy when you mention the bailout of the banks and tells me that the banks are the main drivers of the economy

OP posts:

Sullwah · 20/10/2010 14:56

Well that's settled then.

It is all her fault because she is a banker.

And we should all encourage our DCs to be single parents living on benefits because they will be happier.

Acinonyx · 20/10/2010 15:04

Some of us would definitely be happier

uyter · 20/10/2010 15:14

sullwah the OP isn't totally reliant on benefits she does work. I don't think she is against encouraging her brother to work hard and to try and get on in life I think she resents her and presumably her DD being accused of leeching of society like some sort of parasite.

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