to have wanted to scream, :"F**K YOU!!!!!" at a woman at playgroup today?!

[Diziet]

OK, just having a rant here, getting it off my chest type of thing...
We were all giving our DC snacks at around 11 - some of the older ones start nursery at 12.10 so it makes sense. My DS decided he didn't want his sandwiches. I said to him, "you can't have chocolate spread EVERY day, sweetheart!". Then I heard one of the other mums say, "oh, I don't give mine anything like that".
Wanted to say: "F**K YOU!! Not everyone is lucky like you and has children who are good eaters.
Some of us are grateful for our children to eat ANYTHING."
But I didn't. I gathered my son and my's belongings and we went home. He is munching his chocolate spread sandwiches (on WHITE BREAD - HA!!!!) with deafening slowness as I type.
I will return once I've dropped him at Nursery.

From your last post I really have to ask (having no experience)

Would they really not eat those things if that's all you offered for, say 3 days?

I ask as a genuine question. Does such fussy eating exist in impoverished countries? Was it prevelant in Vicorian slums?

If it was all you gave them and letb them go to bed hungry would they eat it the following day?

Home made ones?

Diziet I get what you are saying. Whenever you say you want to swear or hit someone on Mumsnet you will get told off and lots of or [hhmm] (depending on the time of year). Its the law

Cowbag!

Glad you are feeling a little calmer.

If it's any comfort there was a boy in DS1's class who are nothing but fruit and bread. No protein at all for years and years. He's now 13 and at secondary school and doing fine. There are some kids who, no matter their parents' best intentions. won't eat a 'sensible' diet.

Victorian

Pinkjello - We are on about 3 months of offering, and he's getting by on just the bits he picks out. I can see this carrying on until he moves out, but I Will Not Give In!!

thefirstmrsdeveerie - thought I should mention that they were homemade and not McDonalds, else it wouldn't do much to back up my point about not feeding my DC crap

Yes, it's a constant battle. As I said, no experience of the extreme end of it but DD2 definitely more fussy than DS or DD1.

I would happily let her go to bed without eating if she refused what I cooked in the knowledge that she wouldn't let herself starve.

Yikes, mrsruffallo, you have a point there. See, that's the other reason I worry and have occasional attempts at healthier new things for the boys to try (which they almost invariably won't, so I tell them, 'no goodies then'. They get down from the table. They don't care, they'd rather go hungry!) - the salt and sugar in so many foods is way too high. My compromise is keeping the portion sizes as small as possible: lucklily my sprogs have very small appetites so at least that works!
Oooh... roast dinner with all the trimmings..
Fish pie...
Oooooooooooohhhhhh.....

I think perhaps you are being overly sensitive OP, as I don't see how the woman's comment was insensitive at all.

So tomorrow - what will be in the sandwiches? :)

And have you practised saying "oh, I'm sorry, didn't know you have food issues.' with fake smile and gritted teeth?

PS Hazel nuts are a seed
Cocoa beans are a seed
Sugar is a pure plant derivative

So make the lunch with your Wholesome Seed and Plant Extract Spread

Surely the salt and sugar is only too high if you put too much in?

pinkjeelo - thats precisely what we do with DS2. Luckly DS1 still has good eating habits and will usually finish DS2's so we don't have much waste

I can't stand judgmental smugs either in general its presuming they have all the facts, which invariable they don't, so who the hell are they to criticize

but that said YABU to be so annoyed that you get up & leave .......a simple smile sweetly in her direction, roll eyes & say "oh how sweet that you care so much....meanwhile back in the REAL world" & carry on with what you were doing

& thats coming from someone who is a self confessed health food freak, who feeds DD (& the rest of us) an exceptionally healthy diet, but I'm also well aware that denying stuff makes them want it more, besides wheres the harm in "now & again" even if you are lucky enough not to have a fussy eater

I would never presume that seeing another Mum feed their kid chocolate spread meant it was their general diet, I would however presume that anyone feeling the need to draw attention to it, had "issues"

lady you are well posh

Actually I did know someone who bought her DC's packed lunch from the Co op everyday. Not only did it cost a fortune, her kids must have been ingesting a lifetime's worth of sugar, salt and fat.

She is a lovely woman, a fantastic mother and devoted to her kids. She is also not stupid. She genuinely did not have a clue. Her mother never cooked, she never cooked, it wasnt part of her frame of reference (is that the right phrase?).

Linked into the HV thread. She simply did not trust the advice of HCPs so discounted it.

When she did eventually widen her circle of friends and experiences she was horrified. She was also astounded how much money she had left at the end of the month.

Really - she isnt an idiot. It just never occoured to her.

Just in case - not having a dig at you - just got into a bit of a ramble about sandwiches

My Dd2 fell off the second centile. She is smaller than her peers.

Tell me - would you watch her eat practically nothing for three days, with all the attendant exhaustion, tears, illness?

Would you allow her appetite to get smaller and smaller so that she is 'full' after three bits of pasta for her dinner?

Years ago these children would have been sickly and frail. You read all about those in Victorian novels.

I would have felt the same as most of you before DD2. My DD1 and DD3 eat normally. Dd2 doesn't.

@FindingMymOOOOOOOOjo - no, she probably didn't think she was being insensitive either. She's probably no idea she's even upset me.
Ho hum.

I'm really not

Its so difficult to discuss food issues without personalising things so I won't, but I will say that pinkjello has a very good point.

Whatever our own children eat or don't such fussiness is likely, on the whole, to be a result of the way we relate to food ourselves and the fact that we are so desparate for our children to eat that we keep offering alternatives.

It goes against the grain to adopt a take or leave it spproach but I think its probably the best way to go.

I'm not including genuine food problems here, just general fussiness.

I was always a bit by a totally broke (she said) single mum whose child always brought shop-made sandwiches to nursery.
Why not a slice of bread butter and marmite/dairylea like anyone else?
No accounting for folks though.

And I do the 'there's nothing else' thing with my kids too.

But with DD2 there is a need for a nutella sandwich, sausage roll etc

A friend of mine who is quite understanding on this issue has reassured me that It Will Pass - they will get bored of the same old things. I hope so. It would be nice for us all to eat together! Or to go out for a meal together, as a family! It would be wonderful!

Diziet you made me laugh. You sound like me when I'm premenstrual, only am reasonably calm atm, as am pg.

Totally sympathise and YANBU because you didn't actually tell her to f off.

Yesterday evening I discovered why teatime at our house over the past two years has become insufferable hell. Because I've been trying to feed them properly. Well sod it, yesterday they had bacon and egg with white bread - and four kernels of sweetcorn. Me and DH managed to finish ours without getting severe indigestion or having to send anyone to their rooms. Today, DD took one look at the plate of pasta and veg served for lunch and went up to her room without even sitting down. This evening they're having hamburgers and oven chips.

I tend to answer to the kids in such situations,
'oh we love chocolate spread don't we ds, mmmmmm'
Childish but works for me

We do seem to be making progress though. The other day he ate broccoli. Fair enough it was cooked so much it practically melted into the cheese sauce to go on his pasta, but it still counts?! And, this morning he nearly put a blackberry in his mouth.

We will get there. Just at the moment he seems to be favouring beige food. He literally will not eat any veg or fruit. But If I only offered the stuff I know he likes, how will I know if he likes, or had developed a liking for anything else? For instance he loves curry (so I can blend up just about every veg and add it, even considering blending fruit to get his whole weeks worth in!). But had I adopted the he'll only eat such and such attitude and so only offered him such foods, I would never know and his tast buds would remain un developed, making it even harder to get him trying new stuff.