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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have wanted to scream, :"F**K YOU!!!!!" at a woman at playgroup today?!

200 replies

Diziet · 19/10/2010 11:54

OK, just having a rant here, getting it off my chest type of thing...
We were all giving our DC snacks at around 11 - some of the older ones start nursery at 12.10 so it makes sense. My DS decided he didn't want his sandwiches. I said to him, "you can't have chocolate spread EVERY day, sweetheart!". Then I heard one of the other mums say, "oh, I don't give mine anything like that".
Wanted to say: "F**K YOU!! Not everyone is lucky like you and has children who are good eaters.
Some of us are grateful for our children to eat ANYTHING."
But I didn't. I gathered my son and my's belongings and we went home. He is munching his chocolate spread sandwiches (on WHITE BREAD - HA!!!!) with deafening slowness as I type.
I will return once I've dropped him at Nursery.

OP posts:
misdee · 19/10/2010 13:00

YABU for giving in and giving him said choc spread sandwiches. Wink

dd4 is allergic to nuts and milk so cant have choc spread. found her about to dive into the jar last week when older dd's had left it out at breakfast time. surprisingly this week i havent added it onto the shopping list despite that jar being finished. oopsy!

VinegaRigamorTits · 19/10/2010 13:02

dont worry, my eldest lived on a diet of super noodles and potato waffles for years, now he eats anything (except meat, he's veggie)

CommanderCool · 19/10/2010 13:03

It's just food.

In the context of a balanced diet, giving them a chocolate spread sandwich means nothing. If that was all they ate, there would be a problem. But chocolate spread on a bit of wholemeal bread is absolutely fine, in my book.

My middle child is fussy and sometimes I just give her junk to get some calories into her - cheese pies from Greggs are a favourite.

But she is sufficiently middle class to eat olives so I don't have to feel ashamed at 'certain' toddler groups.

This food obsession really pisses me off, though.

It's just food.

pinkjello · 19/10/2010 13:03

Actually, Ladybaiter, DD1's favourite snack is houmous on just about anything. She'd eat a whole tub if I'd let her.

Probably far more calorific than chocolate spread! Grin

misdee · 19/10/2010 13:05

dd4 loves houmous. when we are out and about and stuck for food, i grab a pot of houmous and some breadsticks or crackers. over very happy 23month old, who then gets covered in the stuff and stinks for the rest of the day lol.

Ealingkate · 19/10/2010 13:05

I am loving "sufficiently middle class to eat olives"!!!

Original poster
Diziet · 19/10/2010 13:06

@ Pinkjello: as I recall, the food for the party was quite varied - there were 4 different types of sandwiches: breadsticks and chopped veg with various dips: dried and fresh fruit: shop bought and home made cakes and biscuits: samosas: crisps: little sausages: and fruit juice to drink. Oh, and we had one of the grandads dressed as Santa to give all the sproglodytes a small selection box each.

OP posts:
LadyBaiter · 19/10/2010 13:06

Anyway... DS2 (20mo) has just thrown a wobbly because I put carrot sticks on his plate.

I have my own food ishoos to deal with...

BikeRunScream · 19/10/2010 13:06

A mother at a mums and toddlers group called me a "Stuck Up Southern Cow" (we are Yorkshire imports) yesterday, when I asked her son to take mine (2) out of a headlock and get his knee off his back and let him get up.

It sounds like you were very restrained and absteemious in not telling this lady to FO.

CommanderCool · 19/10/2010 13:07

Santa?

leeloo1 · 19/10/2010 13:07

YANBU - you left rather than saying anything back to her which is a shame, but better than getting into a row.

I had a woman at a toddlers' group this morning criticising me because my (only just turned) 2 year old DS is in a cot still. In that he has never tried to climb out of it (if he wakes up he either lies there and calls for us or chats to/plays with his cuddly toys) then he is safer there than in a bed but oh no... apparently I "should know better" and I must "have trained him" to not climb out. Hmm

She did end up backing down, but it was really unpleasant (as she was a bit agressive about it) and unnecessary.

:(

Why can't people keep there know-it-all comments to themselves???

mrsruffallo · 19/10/2010 13:07

YABU
I have a deep and irrational dislike for chocolate spread sold as a sandwich filling.
I wouldn't let anyone know that that was all my child would eat.

giveitago · 19/10/2010 13:09

Bike- OH MY GOD.

leeloo1 · 19/10/2010 13:10

their

Spero · 19/10/2010 13:12

I don't think you were unreasonable to want to say it; you would obviously have been unreasonable to have actually said it.

I also have a picky eater and it DOES push my buttons if other parents comment because of course I would love my daughter to eat artisan bread, drizzled with extra virgin olive oil etc, etc, but she won't and I would rather she ate something even if some parents would turn their nose up at it.

There is often, in my view, an air of insufferable smugness from those parents who are lucky to have children who eat loads of different things without complaint. A 'friend' of mine once told my mum she was 'so worried' about my daughter's eating habits; my mum had to gently explain that some children were just like that, as was I and my brothers. Brother one ate NOTHING but cheese and potato waffles for five years, he seems to be okay now, managed to graduate from university and hold down a job etc.

But my mum was furious as she too interpreted it as an attack on how my daughter is parented; I think the implication is that picky eaters won't eat because the parents are stupid/lazy/don't eat healthily themselves.

that may of course not be what the smug parents mean to convey, but I think that is often how they come across.

Original poster
Diziet · 19/10/2010 13:16

@mrsruffallo - it's not the ONLY thing he'll eat. I initially gave it to him just to get him to try sandwiches AT ALL. He will eat the yogurty raisins, fruit bars etc...will eat baked beans...likes potato in most of its forms. Won't knowinglt eat veg. Likes milk and fruit juice. Likes marmite. Likes cheese spread.
My vexation was with the insensitiveness (is that a word?)of this woman's comment.
I would also like to add that in real life, I wouldn't hit anyone - not unless I knew I could run faster than them! Wink

OP posts:
thefirstmrsDeVeerie · 19/10/2010 13:17

AIBU to be upset that Queen has changed her name? When did that happen.

Queenoffuckingeverything is one of my faves.

Choc spread? Not worth the hassle. DS2 would be getting up in the middle of the night and performing Mission Impossible style manouveres to get at it.

mrsruffallo · 19/10/2010 13:19

Sorry, I know I am being intolerant but I hate sandwiches full stop Grin

BoysAreLikeDogs · 19/10/2010 13:20

I think she struck a nerve

However, having a child myself with a self-limited diet you have my utmost sympathy

martha7731 · 19/10/2010 13:20

Well I'm going to go against the majority here and say YANBU.

Of course, it would have looked over the top if you'd actually said it, but that's only because we've all got so used to putting up with stuff along these lines - other parents boasting about their children, how brilliantly they eat, how early they walked, how well they sleep blah blah blah. It should not be acceptable to do this, whilst snidely criticising other people and making them feel bad. Maybe if more people did tell them to f* off, they'd think twice about doing it. No need to actually use swearwords obviously, but perfectly acceptable to be assertive yet polite.

As others here have said, most people who say this kind of thing are only doing it to make themselves feel better, but that's no excuse for bad behaviour. Imagine if men did all the childcare - do you think for one minute they'd allow their mates/acquaintances to say that sort of thing to them? They'd just say 'shut up and f* off' and that would be the end of it - instead of all this snide commenting and backchat that we both engage in, and put up with. And I'm speaking as a staunch feminist! But it really depresses me to see women criticising other women's choices in this way.

CommanderCool · 19/10/2010 13:22

I agree Spero.

I have two that eat most things, within reason, and one that is ultra fussy but will eat olives and chorizo sausage Hmm

Some children are just like this, it's just that in the past they would have been given a big smack on the bum for not eating their dinner.

Now we have to play psychological games, or let them get on with eating what they like.

thefirstmrsDeVeerie · 19/10/2010 13:23

all sandwiches Ruffallo? Were yiu beaten with a butty as a small child? Grin

Original poster
Diziet · 19/10/2010 13:27

@ Spero thankyou!! Exactly. You have put across just how I've been feeling!!
See, everyone, I'm calming down nicely now.

But I tell you what the other thing is...
I'm actually quite good at cooking and did the whole Home-made baby food thing with them both.
Didn't help one bit, rather like my 'A' Level in Religious Studies.
I must be feeling better, I'm rambling.
Oh, if they'd just TRY a roasted sweet potato or some apple crumble...or veggie lasagne with home made cheese sauce...IF ONLY!!

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 19/10/2010 13:28

I have a bit of an obsession about the amount of salt that my children eat and sandwiches with two slices of bread are well over half their salt intake for a day in one go!

I fully admit I am extreme in my obsession but still....

LadyBaiter · 19/10/2010 13:30

All joking aside, the thing that I struggle to understand is why "so and so only ate so and so for X amount of years". Why would you allow this?

DS1 was a fantastic eater, would eat absolutley anything and got excited about being given a satsuma as a treat.

DS2 is horrendous. I mentioned earlier he just had a tantrum about the fact I had dared put carrot sticks on his plate. Although I know if I filled his plate with jam on white bread, walkers crisps and a lump of chocolate, I won't do it. I'd rather he went without, he'll learn one day to try new things, and in the mean time he won't allow himself to starve.

Yesterday he ate 2 weetabix, a few spoonfuls of macaroni cheese and 3 homemade chicken nuggets. That was it. However offered was fruit, veg etc in addition, he just chooses not to eat it. I'm hoping he'll change his mind soon.