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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To bloody well send them to a hotel?

350 replies

Tinalovestuna · 15/10/2010 21:42

In laws arrived 1/2 hour ago for planned weeks stay. Unbeknown to me or dh, fil has norovirus. He said he has been vomiting and has diarrhoea since 3am.

We have a 7 week old baby who has a cold.

I am so fucking livid at how stupid they are. Me and dh have just had a massive row in the bedroom because I think they should go and stay in a hotel, I don't want my baby infected.

Dh said I am being totally unfair as they have driven down to see the baby.

I said I would pay for a hotel.

OP posts:

DeadPoncy · 20/10/2010 22:22

I went round to see a pregnant friend on Tuesday, to drop off some stuff we are lending her. DS had vomited on Monday night, so mindful of that, and with this thread also in mind, we didn't stop (I took DS for a walk near her house instead).

I felt a bit bad for leaving her on her own when she was at the start of her maternity leave, with no baby yet, but thought I had to have learned something from this thread, and it would be a good lesson to her, as well, on what precautions to take for her precious new DD when she comes.

P.S. I think DS was just reacting to a jab on Monday, so not proper D&V/illness. Still...

PumpkinsandPotPourri · 20/10/2010 23:04

I'm disgusted. Your MIL is a lazy cow, your FIL sounds properly under the thumb.

But worst of all, I really think your DH needs to grow up. He's a dad now, his own little family comes first and he should be protecting it like a lion does. And his parents need told in no uncertain terms by them that what they did was unacceptable, that they will be paying for professional cleaning and that they need to give you a heartfelt apology if they wish to be a part of your family's life from here on in.

Mibby · 21/10/2010 16:59

Have just read this and I'm utterly disgusted with your PiL's behaviour!

Poor you having to deal with this when you should be enjoying your new baby.

I think I'd ban them from visiting until further notice (18 years possibly) and send (D)H to sleep in the room they stayed in for a good, long while

Make sure the house is cleaned properly before you go back and send any bills straight to the Pil.

Hope you and LO feel ok now

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 21/10/2010 21:32

just thinking about you today, tina, hope you are over the worst. are you in contact with dh over the situation at all? hope you take strength from the singleminded attitude shown by everyone on this thread, you need to make sure this type of thing - taking the utter piss - does not happen again with either PIL or DH. Hope your little one is well.

blackeyedsusan · 21/10/2010 23:45

good luck at your mums. what planet are they on. hope you laid it on really thick about how diarrhoea can affect baby. well done for putting baby first. ps make dh clean clean clean before coming home, then do it yourself to make sure. what an idiot

ilove · 30/10/2010 14:23

How are you now?

pastyeater · 30/10/2010 16:02

at this thread.Am really on your behalf.Print this to show them what we all think of them.Maybe send it in ther xmas card.xxx

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 30/10/2010 22:38

did anyone hear anything more from tina, the OP?

Original poster

Tinalovestuna · 30/10/2010 22:44

Hello! We are all better now, lo didn't get ill thank goodness.

Sadly, this incident has caused a big rift within the family. Basically, I had no boundaries with the in laws and let them walk all over me generally and this has made me realise that it can't continue.

I called mil and told her how I felt. She said that she thought her dh had food poisoning that's why they still came. I couldn't believe she was still trying to justify it. Needless to say, we are not going there for Xmas but will spend it at home and no, they are not invited.

Unfair? It could have been so much worse.

OP posts:

MollieO · 30/10/2010 22:57

I think you did the absolute right thing. It doesn't matter what the cause of the d&v was you just do not expose a 7 week old baby to it if you can help it. Your PsIL were completely and utterly thoughtless and your dh has to start putting the needs of his child and you before his parents.

Guacamole · 30/10/2010 23:05

I have only just read this thread and I am so shocked. Your PIL were so irresponsible, thank goodness your baby is okay. My MIL annoyed the hell out of me when she showed up (well not showed up, it was a planned visit, they'd travelled 5 hours to see us) with a really bad cold (DS was 5 months at the time). My DS subsequently caught the cold (as well as me and DH), she didn't apologise, she in fact said it was good for babies to be exposed she said it would help him build up immunity (I wanted to punch her!).
Has your DH also berated them... Because if he hasn't he needs to. He needs to tell them how irresponsible they were so that it doesn't turn into 'an insane DIL/MIL relationship' with DH stuck in the middle.

LeninGhoul · 30/10/2010 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoseyNooNoo · 31/10/2010 00:17

Thanks for the update - what is DH's view on this? Is he supporting you or his parents.

How did you catch food-poisoning from them!?!

A1980 · 31/10/2010 00:22

MIL is such a silly cow. Even if it was food poisoning did she really think you wanted a sick person in your house, occupying the bathroom while you're caring for a new baby.

I'm glad you're making it stick and that you're not having them for Christmas. I think they're too selfish to realise they put you both at risk and will only think fo themselves and say "woe is me, my evil DIl is depriving me of my grandchild at christmas"

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 31/10/2010 10:21

very glad to hear your wee babba did not get ill after all, so your move did the trick and protected your baby. well done.

i hope dh has told his parents what a risk they posed, if not, he should. show him this thread if needbe. or look up some medical info if you want something a little less slagging inflammatory!

terryble · 31/10/2010 11:42

You are most definitely not being unfair.

My neighbours and their family had "ordinary" D+V last year. Including their previously very healthy, thriving three month old. The baby ended up hospitalised for dehydration.

FetchezLaVache · 31/10/2010 18:59

She didn't think it was "just food poisoning" until she arrived and noted your reaction to her view that it was norovirus! Doncha just love how some people make up more convenient versions of what happened? Anyway, your LO didn't catch it, and that's all that matters. Hopefully, things will get much better all round now you're standing up to them more in general!

LittleMissHissyFangs · 31/10/2010 20:20

I have today gone through what my DS (4) had last week.

this is just a tummy bug, but hulking great DS visibly lost weight in the 48 hours he had it.

(OK have ditched the slimfast today, going for spewfest, hoping it'll help in someway... but it's dreadful!)

This however is clearly nothing like Norovirus.

You KNOW you were never BU!

Bravo Tuna!

2rebecca · 31/10/2010 20:42

"Just food poisoning"? Are salmonella and campylobacter minor ailments in her view? The can be transmitted from person to person if you don't was your hands etc and can be more serious re babies dehydrating than alot of viral gastroenteritis (except norovirus)
She should have just apologised and admitted in retrospect it was a stupid idea but they were so keen to see the baby they didn't engage their brains properly.

Daydreaming · 31/10/2010 22:12

Truly shocking disregard for other people...
But I think that in general many people now days are not as careful about taking steps not to infect others as in the past - maybe because there is an attitude that many viral diseases are not that serious in the era of modern medicine - but of course that's not true.

Also, in most cases when people get D&V symptoms, it is actually a viral infection (and therefore easily spread to others). People often think that they have food poisoning, but in fact it's a virus - sometimes picked up from food that has been handled by someone who is sick.

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/10/2010 22:47

"She said that she thought her dh had food poisoning that's why they still came."

Because that's what every host really wants, a shitting puking visitor? (More tea, MIL? Would you like a bucket with that?) Your MIL is really quite the fuckwit, no?

QuintessentialShadows · 01/11/2010 21:45

No you are not unreasonable.

thumbwitch · 29/11/2010 14:18

just caught up with this - so glad your baby didn't get it, Tina, sorry that you did.

Did your house ever get cleaned properly? And has your DH realised the error of his ways? Obviously your MIL hasn't - loon that she is - but I would hope your DH has learnt something from this. I quite love your mum though, what a great thing she said to your MIL!

badfairy · 29/11/2010 14:35

What in god's name does the man think he is doing visiting 7 week old baby with D&V ! My mum used to consult me if either her or step dad had so much as a cold when the kids were v little! Off home with you IL's and come back when you are well ! grrrrr

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 29/11/2010 15:29

I think that WhereYouLeftIt has summed things up beautifully in her phrase, "Your MIL is really quite the fuckwit, no?"

I wouldn't go visiting with D&V - it could well be infectious, and anyway it is not acceptable to inflict that on your hosts.

Tina - I am glad that your little one did not get ill, and I hope that you are over the virus too. Well done for standing up to your MIL, too!

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