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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To bloody well send them to a hotel?

350 replies

Tinalovestuna · 15/10/2010 21:42

In laws arrived 1/2 hour ago for planned weeks stay. Unbeknown to me or dh, fil has norovirus. He said he has been vomiting and has diarrhoea since 3am.

We have a 7 week old baby who has a cold.

I am so fucking livid at how stupid they are. Me and dh have just had a massive row in the bedroom because I think they should go and stay in a hotel, I don't want my baby infected.

Dh said I am being totally unfair as they have driven down to see the baby.

I said I would pay for a hotel.

OP posts:

KiwiKat · 16/10/2010 23:18

Glad you and baby are ok, Tina. I agree with the majority here - PIL need a swift clip around the ears, not just for their thoughtlessness and bloodymindedness, but at refusing to leave the house - outrageous!

Eglu · 16/10/2010 23:19

Just come across this thread. Unbeleivable that you PIL would let you leave your house at that time of night with a young baby and be so uncaring.

Hope you and the baby stay okay.

pigletmania · 16/10/2010 23:25

How selfish of them, send them to a hotel right ow.

BubsMaw · 17/10/2010 00:09

Hope Tinalovestuna you and your littleun are still well, I'm stunned that anyone could be as selfish as your ILs.

I cancelled three planned visits to my SIL when she was PG because my DD either had a bug or had been exposed to someone who had a bug. It seems that for the whole of my DD's time at nursery we were avoiding pregnant women and babies/elderly etc. as we had always either caught some bug, or been in the presence of someone who knew someone with a bug...

A1980 · 17/10/2010 01:25

Like other people I can't believe I've just read this.

It's enough of a strain to have guests at all when you've just had a baby as you're still recovering and getting used to your new life. But to have sick guests who came knowing they were sick.

I don't normally use language like this but what a couple of cunts your PIL's are. All they had to do was wait a fucking week or so to see the baby.

Even if there wasn't a baby in the house, I would rather die than inflict myself on my hosts or anyone when I have D&V. I'd be too embarrassed. I'd want my own bathroom and bed and not even my DH to see, hear me.

I would also be wary of letting them near, or alone with the child for a VERY long time.

Pushmeinthepool · 17/10/2010 08:16

OMG, OP! I have just read this thread in shock and disbelief. You have done completely the right thing in going to a hotel. I hope you and baby are both okay, and I totally agree with the other suggestions that your OH should get your in-laws to pay for cleaning of the house once they go home.

I can't stand it when people (mainly family members) think that because a new baby's been born it's their given right to go and see it and hold it whenever they like, regardless of whether they've been ill or not. It sounds that your in-laws are like this. They must be bloody mad, driving all that way with your FIL ill. I don't think I could ever be the same with them after this; what they've done is quite disgusting IMO

FetchezLaVache · 17/10/2010 11:47

Tina, glad you managed to get yourself and the baby away. You need to impress upon your DH and PIL the need for a professional deep clean (at PILs' expense)- if necessary by pointing out that you were the only one whose judgement of the original situation was correct, therefore you certainly won't be overruled on this one and you will stay with your mum until it is done, even if that takes months.

ragged · 17/10/2010 13:20

I feel that a professional deep clean is unnecessary, but I guess you'd do it for peace of mind.
At most I would probably stay away until the others' symptoms had disappeared for 48 hours.

DC get all manner of tummy bugs and DH almost never gets it (neither do most of the other DC). And nobody (but me) thinks to close the lid when toilets are flushed (sigh)

Good luck Tina, may you & baby both stay well.

booooooooooyhoo · 17/10/2010 13:38

i am just wondering, if teh PIL are the sort to just get on with things when they're sick (as tehy seem to have done in this case) are they actually aware of the risks of D&V to a small baby? i think OP it would be a good idea to print off the links some posters gave earlier in the thread and send then to them that way they cannot accuse you of over reacting or tehy can't dismiss it as just a dickie tummy because teh rfacts and risks would be right there infront of them. it might wake them up to realise how stupid tehy actually were and why you had to leave.

clam · 17/10/2010 13:58

Yeah, that's a good point, actually, boohoo. Otherwise there's a real danger that tina/tuna's going to be cast as precious and unfeeling shortly, as she "made a right fuss about the baby getting infected and flounced off leaving us to look after ourselves when we were ill!"

PumpkinsandPotPourri · 17/10/2010 15:44

Tuna - any update on you and the little one? Please tell us you are both well today...... (And what about your husband?)

Tangle · 17/10/2010 17:02

re ragged's post, I still think you can't determine how necessary a deep clean is or how long to wait to return home unless you know what you're dealing with. A quick google has suggested:
Rotavirus can survive up to 10 days on hard surfaces (and will carry on multiplying in a wet environment).
Norovirus can survive on contaminated carpet for up to 12 days, and some individuals are contagious for up to 12 days after they seem to have recovered.
Campylobacter doesn't do so well and is unlikely to survive past 48 hours.

Without knowing what organism is causing the D&V you can't say how long it will be before the risk of Tinalovestuna or her DS catching is gone.

ragged · 17/10/2010 17:17

So Tangle, would you advocate that everyone get their house professionally deep-cleaned each time the family has had a bad tummy bug... just on the off chance it might be one of the horrible longer-lived types. And school classrooms and toilets, for that matter. Isn't that a bit unrealistic?

yetanothernamechnager · 17/10/2010 17:24

a school near us was deep cleaned after an outbreak of noro which went on and on they shut for a day for the deep clean

Tangle · 17/10/2010 17:57

No, of course not ragged. But equally, the PIL's turned up and claimed they had norovirus. If a newborn baby catches that the consequences could, quite literally, be fatal. Having heard them say that I would find it hard to then take it on trust that "oh no, it was just food poisoning - you'll be fine after a couple of days".

I wouldn't advocate deep cleaning everything for every little bug, but equally having gone to the trouble of moving out to try and avoid catching it where's the harm in trying to find out what the bug is so that tinalovestuna and her family know whether they need to deep clean or not? Her PIL's turned up and claimed they had norovirus. If a newborn baby catches that the consequences could, quite literally, be fatal. Having heard them say that I would find it hard to then take it on trust that "oh no, it was just food poisoning - you'll be fine after a couple of days".

Maybe I'm paranoid, but having buried one stillborn daughter in January if I'm ever fortunate enough to have another DC then yes, I'd do a hell of a lot to try and avoid them catching suspected noro when they weren't even 2 months old.

expatinscotland · 17/10/2010 18:58

I think she should get her house deep-cleaned because I seriously doubt her arsewipe of a husband is going to properly clean the place.

grapeandlemon · 17/10/2010 19:02

I really hope you and your baby don't get this OP. I am just disgusted at your PIL, speechless in fact.

They have essentially taken over your house to be ill with D&V whilst you leave your own home after having recently given birth to a newborn baby. Revolting. You sound like such a lovely person - wild horses wouldn't have held me back from chucking their stuff out and slamming the door behind them. D&V can be fatal for newborns, are they mad?

EsioTrot · 17/10/2010 19:07

OP well done on being so sensible and getting yourself and your baby out if the house. I really hope you both avoid getting ill. I would be incensed with all three of them and would insist DH reads them the riot act and gets them to pay for a professional deep clean before returning home.

Tangle I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree that it would be very helpful to know what they're dealing with. A stool sample shouldn't be difficult to obtain in the circumstances.

Appletrees · 17/10/2010 22:48

Oh Tangle you poor mum. Your rigour is so understandable. I agree -- dh should undergo the further indignity of a stool sample to find out what it is.

SouthernDad · 18/10/2010 06:43

It doesn't seem like overkill to me. OP has gone away from the house so as not to expose herself and her baby to a D+V bug. Having taken that step, it would seem more ridiculous to go back before you know it's safe.

Speak to your GP (or get DH to, if you believe he actually will) and get a stool sample off for analysis. That way you'll know if you're dealing with something nastily viral that would be a risk for a couple if weeks, or bacterial for a couple of days.

For goodness sake having been so sensible and stuck by your instincts in getting out when you did, don't throw it away by going back too soon.

Well done to you for standing up to your idiot PIL and DH. As Tangle says, D+V in a 7 week old can be extremely nasty - you did well to avoid the risk.

For everyone who says you've gone OTT and can't avoid all risks - no, you can't, but why the hell wouldn't you avoid the big ones you can see (like this one)? It's one thing being hit by a car by accident - unforseeable - but would you go play on a motorway?

DanceOnTheDarkSide · 18/10/2010 10:36

How are you and LO doing Tuna?

Original poster

Tinalovestuna · 18/10/2010 13:45

Hi everyone. Unfortunatley, I succumbed yesterday afternoon. LO is ok thankfully. I am ebf so hopefully that will confer some immunity.

My mum phoned mil this morning and told her that even if she has to climb up a ladder she will smack her in the chops because she is so furious (she is only 4"11 and has severe osteoporosis!) which I thought was a bit strong but hey ho.

I am not feeling too bad now, it seems to be a 24 hour thing. No diarrhoea either which I am thankful for.

Interestingly, dh is fine, he went to work today. His parents are going home tomorrow as they are both feeling ok.

What a bloody drama. Now We just have sort getting the housecleaned. My brother and his dp have offered to do it so that's nice. Mil said she had strained her back vomiting so she couldn't help. Bless....

OP posts:

ilovehens · 18/10/2010 13:48

Get your husband to thoroughly disinfect the entire bathroom, then disinfect himself, then take them to a hotel, then disinfect himself when he returns!!!!

D&V can be dangerous for a young baby.

I would not hesitate or worry about their delicate feelings. Your baby is far more important!

LilRedWG · 18/10/2010 13:49

Oh I'm so sorry that you got this too Tina and hope that your baby and Mum don't come down with it too.

Take good care of yourself.

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 18/10/2010 13:49

Oh no you poor thing :( Hope you are over it soon.
VERY nice of your brother to offer - is your DH or FIL going to join them?

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