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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bloody well send them to a hotel?

350 replies

Tinalovestuna · 15/10/2010 21:42

In laws arrived 1/2 hour ago for planned weeks stay. Unbeknown to me or dh, fil has norovirus. He said he has been vomiting and has diarrhoea since 3am.

We have a 7 week old baby who has a cold.

I am so fucking livid at how stupid they are. Me and dh have just had a massive row in the bedroom because I think they should go and stay in a hotel, I don't want my baby infected.

Dh said I am being totally unfair as they have driven down to see the baby.

I said I would pay for a hotel.

Angry
OP posts:
Pushmeinthepool · 18/10/2010 13:49

Tina, I think your inlaws are a disgrace and should be ashamed of themselves. LOL at your mum saying she's going to smack your MIL in the chops. Sounds like your MIL deserves it!

Pushmeinthepool · 18/10/2010 13:50

And I agree with Shriiieeek! Your DH and FIL should be doing the cleaning!

ragged · 18/10/2010 14:02

Well if Tuna has it now, doesn't seem any point in bothering with a professional deep clean back in own her house!

Xing fingers for you that baby won't get it.
I hope that it passes over quickly.

GreenStinkingStumpSleeves · 18/10/2010 14:05

I imagine the inlaws feel pretty bad about it all now

it is a violent experience to go through, and it can't have been nice doing it in somebody else's house with everyone furious with you

GOD how stupid they are though, I hope it has taught them something!

sorry you got it too tina, fingers crossed the baby doesn't

MisSalLaneous · 18/10/2010 14:26

I don't think inlaws are feeling bad about it at all, otherwise they'd have offered to pay for a clean vs OP's own brother and partner having to do it! Also, are OP's dh and FIL all incapable to clean if mil "hurt" (Hmm)? I am sad for the lack of consideration shown by fil, mil, (d)h. I think you're making a mistake to just accept this now, but hey, maybe you just don't have the energy for a fight now.

Actually, even though I've just said it, I feel so strong that I'll repeat it - how can your dh and inlaws accept your brother's offer?? Have they no pride? Or feeling of responsibility??

Tina, hope you feel better soon, that your mom and baby doesn't get it as well, and that this won't be repeated.

madonnawhore · 18/10/2010 14:27

Just read the whole thread and can't believe the stupidity and selfishness of your ILs.

Have they even apologised for making you sick??

Your DH has some serious grovelling to do.

Pushmeinthepool · 18/10/2010 14:28

Ragged, even though Tuna has now had the bug, I think she deserves to have her house cleaned. I wouldn't want to go back to a house where others have been shitting and puking endlessly unless it'd been cleaned. Especially the bathroom and the bedroom they slept in.

bigchris · 18/10/2010 14:29

Hope your brother and his dp don't get it going into the infected zone

KiwiKat · 18/10/2010 14:41

I hope you get an apology from them, Tuna. You certainly deserve one.

QueeheeeheeeheenOfShadows · 18/10/2010 14:43

The sad part is, that the inlaws go about their way oblivious to the fact that their behaviour now has tainted their relationship with both OP and her family. Unless they see sense and seriously make it up to the op, I cannot see how the relationship can be anything but frosty after this.

My mil behaved despicably towards me after our second child was born, and I am not exactly going out of my way for her. I was not keen on going to see her last summer, due to her own bad behaviour, she goes two years between seeing her son and grandchildren. It could have been different. My dh sides with me, and I have a pretty big say in how we are spending our precious holiday time. But hey ho.

DeadPoncy · 18/10/2010 14:56

Surely there is a point cleaning the house, even though Tuna's got "it". For one thing, a pooey, vomity house will require a lot of heave-inducing cleaning, and it's not really fair to ask that of someone with a small baby who will still be waking a lot at night; and for another, the baby hasn't got it - yet (might do, upon re-entering the Shiiite-Night Zone); and for yet another thing - er - aren't they ashamed of themselves, to leave such a mess for others to clear up?

I understand that we need to be able to depend of family to nurse us through sickness, but if MIL was still well when FIL was just getting his D&V, she didn't need nursing at the time, so why did she not just nurse him?

A1980 · 18/10/2010 22:23

I am SO glad your mum gave you MIL a piece of her mind. She so deserved it.

How did she react?

SarahStratton · 18/10/2010 23:26

Oh Tina how awful :(

Personally I still think you should print this thread out and make the PILs read it. Stand over them and make them read it if necessary. Fucking bloody cheek, strained her back vomiting, the lazy thoughtless cow. Just TELL them the house is going to be professionally cleaned and that they are picking up the bill.

Tangle · 19/10/2010 10:37

So sorry you caught it to :( - fingers crossed your LO stays well.

I'm still pretty disgusted by your PILs. I still can't believe they turned up with FIL in that state, and not helping clean up afterwards just makes it worse Angry. I think how much cleaning you get done is completely dependent on how much cleaning you feel needs to be done before you're happy to take your DS back there.

Hope you can move on an get everything sorted soon :)

expatinscotland · 19/10/2010 10:49

Your husband was okay and didn't bother to clean up the house where they'd been shitting and puking?

Sounds like you're married to a real nob.

Rentaghoste · 19/10/2010 11:43

The behavior and attitude of your IL's is insupportable - they really are the in-laws from hell. Not even helping to cleanse your house afterwards - the b*stards.

Hope you are feeling better and your DC is ok.

At least you won't feel obliged to have them back for a long long time, if ever!

Buy MIL a toilet brush, bleach and some marigolds for xmas, in case she still hasn't got it!

Nellykats · 19/10/2010 11:59

Actually, I think the person that's most in the wrong is your DP, you're with him and not his toddler parents.

He must apologize, clean up and ideally take time off work until you recuperate.

And I wouldn't have them in your house (again one for him to mull over) until they apologize and ensure they won't do it again. So no need to talk about it further with in laws, ignore them and take many deep breaths.

grapeandlemon · 19/10/2010 17:50

What they did was vile and disgusting. Leaving your house stinking like that and now they are just on their merry way whilst you had to leave your home so soon after having a baby.

I would be spitting venom, absolutely livid. You need an apology.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 19/10/2010 19:35

tina, when you get your strength back, kick some serious butt!! your mum has the right idea - she's not being "too strong" at all, they obviously NEED to hear that they are being insane as they can't work it out for themselves, stupid dimwits.

and your husband needs to clean up!! why should your brother risk getting ill cleaning the house if your dh is fine enough to go to work????

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 19/10/2010 19:36

and i concur with the idea of printing off this thread and making sure dh and pils read it right through, then maybe, just maybe, they will take on board the fact they could possibly have passed on a FATAL bug to their grandchild/child.

TooImmature2BMum · 19/10/2010 20:13

I was actually feeling quite sorry for OP's husband until I read the bit about him not cleaning and letting her brother do it. That's outrageous!

I felt sorry because unfortunately, he didn't know his parents were going to arrive ill, and once you have ill family (especially parents) in your house then you do feel kind of responsible. Also, when other people, even your beloved partner, start slagging your parents (no matter how justified they are!), you get defensive. I have noticed this in both myself and DH in the past, although never for anything this bad! It is also really hard to have to tell your parents to leave your house when one of them is glued to the toilet.

ChaoticAngel · 19/10/2010 20:58

His parents are, technically, adults. His child was a defenceless 7 week old baby, who he should have prioritised, along with his dw, over his parents.

cumfy · 19/10/2010 21:19
KickArseQueenOfTheDamned · 20/10/2010 17:35

Please don't send your pils an xmas card unless there is a print out of this thread in it, I would point out to dp that when the chips were down you and the baby were not his priority and you won't be able to forget that easily.

Then I would arrange a proffesional cleaner and have the bill sent to the PIL.

It'll never be the same between any of you tho, they will still try to make out you overreacted, you know the truth that they were stupid and selfish at best!

You really need an apology from them and a chance for the air to clear Wink

SarahStratton · 20/10/2010 19:50

Print this thread off and keep it. Re-read it whenever you are being told you overreacted. And I agree wholeheartedly with what kickarse said. No wonder she's called kickarsequeen.

Arrange the professional clean. Get your DP to tell the PILs they will be paying. If he dithers or says no then I'd consider some sort of incredibly painful punishment. I'm sure lots of us would be only too happy to help :)

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