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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you should not let a newborn scream for 2 hours?

160 replies

LacyLeggins · 12/10/2010 19:09

arghhhh! i cant take the crying anymore so have escaped to the bedroom. dp has his friend over with new baby (4 weeks). baby has been screaming since 5 pm and is still screaming now!!! dp's friend is adamant the baby does not need feeding until 8pm and has just left the baby in the carseat!

i have put my dc to bed at 7pm and am dreaming of some peace. AIBU and should i say something or just keep my nose out?

OP posts:
Original poster
LacyLeggins · 12/10/2010 22:54

dp was looking as annoyed and amazed as i was and has just told him we are tired and off to bed! baby is now back in the carseat screaming and he is taking him home. with no coat may i add and its a 20minute walk!!

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 12/10/2010 22:58

Fgs this bloke sounds like a fucking idiot.

is the mum as daft? out of curiousity

LoopyLoops · 12/10/2010 22:59

:(

Health visitor visit due?
:(

mamatomany · 12/10/2010 23:06

Can you not give him a blanket for the howling baby ?

Original poster
LacyLeggins · 13/10/2010 00:16

yes gave him a blanket mama, well 2 actually, its freezing! tbh we dont really know the mum very well they have not been together long (about 11 months) and we have only met her 3 or 4 times. she appears to be very anti social.

hopefully though she is a little more clued up than friend is, as she has dc1 (who is not friend's dc) so maybe has more experience with babies.

OP posts:
strawberry17 · 13/10/2010 07:40

Something I'm surprised to read in this thread apart from the dreadful father, is this business of 3/4 hourly feeds? I thought this went out with the ark? when I had my two in the 90's it was all demand feeding and timed feeding was just considered totally not done. When did this all change?

mamatomany · 13/10/2010 07:45

It hasn't strawberry, most people demand feed still and rightly so.

phipps · 13/10/2010 08:20

graveyard you absolutely totally and utterly did the right thing :).

BrightLightBrightLight · 13/10/2010 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnlyWantsOne · 13/10/2010 08:32

it really makes me cross, because despite whether in a routine or not, you still need a drink dont you - if you have breakfast, lunch and dinner at set times of the day - do you not have a juice / cuppa etc as well at a different time / when you fancy it????

Poor baby was probably hungry, thirsty, wanted its mummy

PutTheKettleOn · 13/10/2010 08:37

OMG, I'd be inclined to 'pop in' to visit them in a few days, just to reassure yourself that the mum isn't as cruel, heartless clueless as the dad and the baby is actually ok!

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 13/10/2010 08:39

I'd be inclined to ring the HV and inform her of their awful routine.

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 13/10/2010 08:39

This thread has made me feel really sad.

PreciousCargo · 13/10/2010 08:50

Agree with everyone. This has made me feel really sad.

I remember my DS in the early weeks, he probably just wants to be close to his mother, if not a drink/feeding. SO to not even pick him up and just leave him in the car seat!!!??? The mind boggles.

It's such a tricky one with how to handle it. I think I'd have said how my DS was in the early weeks ie. constantly need to feed as so tiny, just spent 9 months in the womb so needs to feel reassured, and see if they were clever enough to cotton on!

PreciousCargo · 13/10/2010 09:02

On second thoughts...report them to the hv.

I keep imagining the baby screaming right now...

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 13/10/2010 09:09

If that person was in my house I would not have bneen able to keep quiet and would have told him to feed the baby.

OP I hope you've phoned the SS/HV today. Nobody will be annoyed with you, they'll be glad for the nod.

5DollarShake · 13/10/2010 09:12

Fluffypoms - a baby that new might not starve going 3-4 hours between a feed as a one-off. But it will certainly be malnourished if it's a regular thing. Not to mention absolutely miserable. :(

I don't understand how there are still some people who think a brand new baby can regularly go three hours between feeds, let alone four.

Babies' tummies are the size of walnuts - they're tiny and so need filling often. It doesn't last like this for long, but it's so important that you cater to them frequently while they're this young and ride it out until they can start to go longer between feeds.

I'm no Gina fan, but even she says 4-hourly feeding is outdated and not to be followed.

This man - who is presumably a friend of the OP's DH Hmm - sounds like a fool misguided. If he's the OP's DH's friend - can't he say something as a friend?

PreciousCargo · 13/10/2010 10:17

Still shocked...

Whitethorn · 13/10/2010 10:28

You know maybe this woman wasnt following a routine but was a bit all over the place, I know I was.

I was in my MIL's about a week after DD was born, she had been fed an hour before and I was adament she didnt need to be fed again. My DD cried and cried and I ignored my well meaning MIL and SIL's and let her cry. I was distressed, she was obviously frantic. When I think of it now, what was wrong with me? A week later I wouldnt have dreamt of doing it but in my head I was sure she didnt need feeding when clearly she did.
I still feel terrible about it and wont make the same mistake when new baby arrives.

umf · 13/10/2010 11:10

Hmmm, doesn't sound like a man who should be in sole charge of a baby.

Do you think you might pop over and see if things seem better with the mother?

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 13/10/2010 11:20

OP please tell us that you've told someone about this....

DanceOnTheDarkSide · 13/10/2010 11:21

I don't normally suggest this but in this case, maybe a call to their HV might be justified?

Just for the record though DS2 was a screamer. He screamed almost constantly until he was 16 weeks old, even feeding. He still crys a lot now and we don't know why!

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 13/10/2010 11:31

Dance , how old is he now?

Whitethorn · 13/10/2010 11:31

DanceontheDarkSide and others who suggested shopping the parents to a health visitor, I would like to ask you the following questions.

  1. Have you ever made a mistake with any of your children, that someone may have disagreed with. Did that person call SS or a HV.
  2. As a 1st time Mum did you know everything, did you ever just have a bad day in those first few weeks.
  3. How much does the OP really know about this woman and does she know how often or for how long this baby normally cries - maybe its a crier.

By all means befriend and help the mother but the 'call the HV, there is a baby crying' attitude is a bit much

coatgate · 13/10/2010 11:31

Why would anyone leave a baby to cry? I remember when my DD was tiny and a friend came round I asked 'how do you put them down?' Stupid I know, but I just carried her about with me all the time and could not bear to leave her on the sofa for a moment.

How can someone sit and have a conversation with a crying baby, without finding out why tthe baby was crying?

This has made me sad too.