to think you should not let a newborn scream for 2 hours?

[LacyLeggins]

arghhhh! i cant take the crying anymore so have escaped to the bedroom. dp has his friend over with new baby (4 weeks). baby has been screaming since 5 pm and is still screaming now!!! dp's friend is adamant the baby does not need feeding until 8pm and has just left the baby in the carseat!

i have put my dc to bed at 7pm and am dreaming of some peace. AIBU and should i say something or just keep my nose out?

Sorry but think it would be worth offending over this.

Make it worthwhile as well, give a right good telling off so they don't forget it and maybe think that you must feel very strongly about it so maybe worth finding out more.

I couldn't not say anything to be honest.

Honestly, offend her. Her baby is screaming with hunger and she's ignoring it? That's neglect in my book.

Just say 'Your baby is screaming with hunger. Throw out the damn book and feed her or I will.'

I agree, I would have to say something. Not good for the baby. Unless he/she has reflux or colic or something we don't know about? Still, surely you would cuddle the poor little thing?

Crumbs I'm not sure what I'd do, probably offend them by being honest as that sounds awful. Do you think the baby is hungry and tired too? Does it have a dummy you can pop in to comfort it a little?

I think in the future I'd feign busyness so I'd not have to be there again next time they came by whilst the baby was so small. I'd find it very upsetting.

i have a small baby who sadly had to be fed on formula, at 4 weeks old it was like every hour and a half, tiny bits but often, don't approbe of the car seat either, i never left him more than half an hour on it, if the journey is longer we break it up.

it sounds to me like panic parents who are trying to get some routine back into their lives,... someone should have a chat, maybe not you.... bare in mind that new mums are very touchy with criticism,...

That baby is not just hungry, she is frightened as well. She doesn't know where her next meal is coming from , she thinks no-one is going to feed her and is trying to elicit a response from someone, anyone, to give her some food.

Please just say

Your baby is screaming, he is not a robot, please feed him.

right i am off to pop downstairs and say 'xxx please do you mind trying to feed the little one as i can hear his cries upstairs and i have just settled the dcs. he sounds very hungry bless him, is it ok to have a hug?'

how does that sound?

You are damned if you do and damned if you don't as far as saying anything goes. To be honest, people very rarely change their minds about childraising based on advice/criticism from friends and family, probably because it would involve accepting that you are doing the wrong thing about something so important and emotive. I would probably drop some unsubtle hints or pretend to completely misunderstand him:
"you presumably meant 7pm, not 8pm - that would mean you were leaving the baby x hours without feeding! Ha ha ha! As though anyone would do that"
"trying to get into a routine is hard, isn't it? As long as you don't make the baby wait for his food you'll be fine."
I know those are a bit rubbish, but can't think of anything better at the moment.

I would also not be inviting them back to my house so I didn't have to sit and fret over their crying baby.

Good luck!

Good luck Lacy. You are the little baby's spokesperson. Tbh I wouldn't be bothered about offending someone who was obviously an ignorant ARSE, but that's just me .

Just seen anonymousbird's post. I am voting for the growth spurt excuse too!
"Oh there is a big 4 week growth spurt, didn't you know? It's one of those things no-one ever tells you about and it is a nightmare if you don't feed on demand. And why don't you have a look at [insert helpful book re demand feeding]."

That is far too nice but try. The poor baby.

I would be just as concerned about the carseat TBH not good for small babies.

I would probably ask them about the routine they are following and ask how its going!

OP if the baby has been screamimg since 5 and isn't "due" a feed til 8 then surely that means that the baby had only just fed. Maybe the mum knew that the reason for the crying was not hunger (at least at first) as they had just had a full feed which usually lasts them X amount of time. I don't have a routine but if my baby is crying half an hour after a full feed that usually lasts him 3-4 hours I know it would likely be for a reason other than hunger.
No idea why she hasn't comforted the child though? Has she given you any indication as to why she thinks they are crying?

namey - the only problem with not being worried about offending someone is that an offended person may well dig their heels in harder and the chance will be lost to make any sort of long-term difference to the way they do things.

I do agree that it is not worth worrying, from a personal point of view, about offending someone who is being ignorant but I always worry that I might make things harder for the next person who decides to speak up, if I approach it in a cack-handed way.

8 minutes to go.

Have they fed the baby yet?

Is it their first baby? Tell them that babies need feeding every couple of hours as they have teeny stomachs and four hourly or whatever routines are outdated.

Crazy! So it might not be hunger, but s/he can't just leave baby to scream!

Is DP's friend the father (rather than the mother)? Might he, well, not be quite so familiar with babycare? Perhaps has been instructed not to feed until 8pm and doesn't realise there are other things which DO need doing??

If baby FF as it sounds, then I think you're really not supposed to feed them too frequently or on demand, cos can overfeed - which is v different from BF. But in that case surely have to work out other ways of comforting in the meantime?

4 weeks is so young to be in a routine. The few things I did read at that stage didn't seem to suggest really following a routine until at least 6 weeks.

I, like many others, will be waiting to hear the result of this! YANBU!

It's awful, poor little mite.

And stuck in a car seat all that time.
Maybe he is just very uncomfortable, has terrible wind that is stuck and cannot come out, it could be so many things as well as feeding. How could you not pick them up, a bit grizzly is one thing but all out screaming for that long. Oh gosh.

When was the baby last fed before an expected feed at 8pm? Poor thing.

My sister used to let her newborns do this because she wanted them to "go" three hours as some sort of badge or honour I think. Certainly she was very scornful of me feeding DS when he wanted it. Told me I was "cruel" for responding to feeding cues and putting him to the breast before he started crying.

I don't suppose it did her babies much harm really as they were FF so didn't need feeding as frequently.

But there were a few occasions I can remember though when the baby had been given to someone to feed (since that was the over-riding concern when it came to feeding choices) and the bottle hadn't been finished and the children just screamed and screamed because she refused to not make them go three / four hours depending on age in weeks

Then she would get annoyed hours later when it transpired that the friend / friend-of-friend / five-year-old-son-of-friend / friend's dog hadn't made the baby finish the bottle and how was she to know etc instead of responding to their obvious need for food or something, a cuddle even.

I couldn't bloody well let a newborn scream for two minutes to be honest but some bastards people can.

Good point Eventide, if it's crying due to wind after a feed, then the car seat will surely be causing the baby more pain, as it would need to be upright for the wind to come up the easiest?

routine - my arse, they are bein lazy neglectful fuckers.

what a disgusting way to behave, please tell them what they are doin is wrong.

jeez what the hell is the matter with some people (not you op)