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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think you should not let a newborn scream for 2 hours?

160 replies

LacyLeggins · 12/10/2010 19:09

arghhhh! i cant take the crying anymore so have escaped to the bedroom. dp has his friend over with new baby (4 weeks). baby has been screaming since 5 pm and is still screaming now!!! dp's friend is adamant the baby does not need feeding until 8pm and has just left the baby in the carseat!

i have put my dc to bed at 7pm and am dreaming of some peace. AIBU and should i say something or just keep my nose out?

OP posts:

BrightLightBrightLight · 12/10/2010 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GraveyardMistsAreYellow · 12/10/2010 21:31

wouldliketoknow oh nobody was shouting at her far from it! She was screaming at us all and we were trying to reason with and placate her.

But she screams and shouts all the time. She is vile to us.

And as my Dad tearfully said as we drove away, "she always piles her own plate high yet she is denying that tiny child food"

I was wrong but she did the same to my nephew years earlier when he was newborn and he ended up very badly off.

Hormones on my part overcame sense.

OnEdge · 12/10/2010 21:34

We almost run with our new born's bottle (of expressed milk) to get it to her, if DH faffs on the way I shout, i can't help it, there must be some hormone driven urgencey to feed her. I couldn't leave a crying new born even a strangers let alone my own. How can she do it?

mamatomany · 12/10/2010 21:37

Is it worth letting the mother of this baby know what goes on when she's not around i'd kill DH if he did this to our baby, which he wouldn't but is it possible she doesn't know about this nonsense routine ?

wouldliketoknow · 12/10/2010 21:41

grave, i meant hormones are high after birth and it must be difficult to argue... what you mean by ended up badly?

GraveyardMistsAreYellow · 12/10/2010 21:48

My nephew was readmitted dehydrated and hospitalised because she had friends round who told her, "don't ever wake the baby" when he was very new.

She refused to listen to me when I said that sometimes new babies will sleep on and on when they are hungry because they run out of energy and that sometimes it is best to feed them anyway.

Hence the comments that I was "cruel" to my son by picking him up and feeding him on cue as I should have just let him sleep. Nothing learned.

Fluffypoms · 12/10/2010 21:51

oh gawd. But its ok for someone to sneak off with your baby and feed them behind your back.

MrsC2010 · 12/10/2010 21:53

If DH were to deny our baby food I'd want someone to step in to be honest. Not that he would.

umf · 12/10/2010 21:56

grave that doesn't sound like a very dreadful thing to do!

So a 3/4 hour feeding schedule seems nuts to anyone who has BF, right? But it's still being laid down in parts of the NHS. My son was in Lewisham NICU for 10 days, and they did everything they could to prevent me feeding him more frequently than 3 hours. Even once I'd persuaded them to let him back onto full BF (they'd much rather you FF), I was told "On demand here is 3 hours". Before they agreed to let us take him home, they called our local midwife to tell them to make sure I wasn't feeding for more than 20 mins at a time and was "topping up" with F afterwards. And no, that's not 1952, that's 2006.

The midwife, to her credit, came round straightaway to tell me that was "a load of bollocks" and I should feed as frequently and as long as he needed.

But while you've still got major hospitals which don't know the first thing about infant feeding, it may not be surprising that parents are confused.

muslimah28 · 12/10/2010 21:56

cannot believe this! but maybe as they are new parents they need a little help understanding things. as someone said above, even if they are following a routine, they have totally misunderstood how it works, as none of the routine focussed gurus say leave your hungry baby.

even if he isn't hungry, for a baby to be screaming for so long indicates something is wrong, and i'm amazed they haven't figured this out!

also amazed that they themselves haven't offered to go home. if i had a baby crying for no reason (as these parents believe to be the case in this instance) i would be way too uncomfortable to stay in someone else's house while my baby was screaming.

Tryharder · 12/10/2010 21:57

Why the sarcastic face, Fluffy? Would it be better to stand around and say, oh well, your baby, your choice, while said baby is starved and screaming in hunger???

TBH, if I had been in Graveyard's position, I'd have considered calling in professional help.

GraveyardMistsAreYellow · 12/10/2010 21:59

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be posting about this really because my sister is a bit of a special case. I have never met anyone like her and my parents pander to her and her fucking awful parenting but are always there picking up the pieces and protecting her from Social Services and other agencies which might ask awkward questions.

They are getting old and beaten down by her aggression.

Back to the OP:

No it is not on to let a newborn scream for two hours.

Or a child of any age if it could be prevented FFS.

Fluffypoms · 12/10/2010 22:04

well i doubt very much that a baby would starve having a 3 or 4 hour gap between feeds.

and yes that is the mums choice,having somebody sneak your dc off to breastfeed is a bit too much for me.

GraveyardMistsAreYellow · 12/10/2010 22:07

And yes I should have called in professional help. I should have called a social worker there and then but how would that have helped my starving and thirsty niece who was almost hoarse from crying for sustenance?

I was not more than a few days post-natal myself in my defence so yes, wasn't thinking straight.

If I could have given a bottle to my niece I would have. I looked for one and there were five or six in greasy cold water with cat hairs floating on top in the sink and no clean ones OR cartons which I thought were recommended for the first few weeks.

mamatomany · 12/10/2010 22:11

You did absolutely the right thing Graveyard don't let anyone tell you differently.
The baby is family, hardly the same as maybe breast milk from a stranger but since the milk banks deem that acceptable it's not a bit much from your own aunty.

Fluffypoms · 12/10/2010 22:12

sorry grave i jumped in too quick.
I hadnt realised there was more to it.

my apologies. (sp?) x

Fluffypoms · 12/10/2010 22:14

although mama
if your recieving milk from milk bank that is something you have agreed to.yes?

GraveyardMistsAreYellow · 12/10/2010 22:15

Fluffypoms maybe they wouldn't die but don't you have a drink every four hours even if it is just a sip of water? Babies are very little compared to adults.

Our babies were born in May / June and it was terribly hot. I was necking water down and my sister was going through cans of cold energy drink, don't know what it's called but she always had one on the go. Why shouldn't her new baby have access to fluids?

Still maintain that in theory I was wrong but my sister was too busy throwing things to notice and as I said, no bottles available and my milk was well, it was all over the place at the sight of the baby who was desperately rooting when I tried to comfort her. I didn't plan it honestly.

mamatomany · 12/10/2010 22:17

TBH with my hormones the day after i'd given birth the sister would have probably had a slap around the chops to accompany her energy drink whilst the baby went without, what an absolute bitch :(

TrinityRhino · 12/10/2010 22:18

to the ops first question

no it is never right for any child to be left to scream without trying to help

bastard

and well done for settling baby as soon as you were allowed

GraveyardMistsAreYellow · 12/10/2010 22:25

Fluffypoms thank you there is quite a back-story but you were right to question the situation, of course. And even with it to express your opinion.

at slap round the chops!

mumsgotatum · 12/10/2010 22:28

Oh no....poor little baby. It's only 4 weeks old and all it knows in the universe is mum and dad and obviously crying because babies love/need to be cuddled and held, or fed....it's they're survival instinct. Imagine how scared baby is....I really can't stand this kind of methodology...but as I'm a coward i would probably find it hard to say something. But poor baby sounds so distressed....

Original poster

LacyLeggins · 12/10/2010 22:36

oh my god!! dp, friend and baby are still downstairs and baby is screaming again! dp's friend has just left him on the quilt!! is this man an idiot? he seems oblivious to the crying :(

OP posts:

mamatomany · 12/10/2010 22:48

Have you put your PJ's on and hinted it's bedtime, can you really not pick the little mite up and rock it, if it's on the quilt it's fair game for a snuggle.

mamatomany · 12/10/2010 22:49

And tell you DP to send them home, how is he ignoring the screaming ?

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