to be saddened by a three week old baby in full time childcare?

[lilystyles]

At a local toddler group last week there was a childminder who I'm friendly with, she had with her a new child, a baby of 3 weeks who's mother had gone back to work full-time in teh pub she and her husband own. I am not judging this woman, it's her choice but I couldn't help but feel sad at the situation.

YABU.

Very.

And sanctimonious and patronising and a little bit 19th century as well.

Awwwww to have had a night nurse.......

I know this has already been said by a couple of posters but why is it only the WOMAN who is being judged here? The baby has two parents.

As long as the childminder is able to spend as much time with the baby and will lavish as much care and attention on it as its parent would do, then I don't think the baby will suffer.

As a self employed person I put my dd into fulltime childcare at 12 weeks of age ( a little older I know). Why did I choose to have a baby at that point, because it was the least bad time for my business.
Personally caring for a newborn was duller than putting tops on toothpaste tubes for me. Those few months at home were terrible I was so lonely and unhappy and probably sat on the brink of depression really due to loneliness. Now I have invested my time in my business 6 years later it is much more financially stable and I can spend more time with my dd at a period in her life I love. I often say I wish you could choose when in your child's life you could take maternity leave, because I'd take it now.
Long term my business is what will keep the roof over our heads.

I think it's incredibly sad for the mum! She must be exhausted if nothing else - I'd have been a bundle of hormones and anxiety if I had to leave my newborn with anyone all day.

Bucharest - sorry, how so? It made me sad, how incredibly patrionising and sanctimonious of me to have an opinion different to your own

Mine was looked after by a neighbour from 12 weeks. She wasn't sad and neither was I. We did it because it had to be done at the time. I'd had an employer good enough to take me on when I was pregnant. In my mind, the least I could do was repay that by going back to work ASAP.

I worked 2.5 days a week. She went to nursery at 2yrs for 3 days a week and she loved it.

We did Mommy and Huffygirl days on Mondays and Fridays and our lives were in total balance. I don't feel I missed out on too much...she doesn't (now she's 10) but she does like me being at home (most of the time) now she's older.

You do what you do to make things work for your family. Hopefully she won't worry too much about people like you who think it's 'sad' and even if she does, it'll probably work out just fine for her. There are MUCH sadder things...

I was so miserable and lonely and bored during my first maternity leave. It was vile.

Bucharest - could you elabarate on the 19thC comment - afterall the Victorians were all about the children being seen and not heard and wet nurses/ nanny were common (for the middle and upper classes at least)

Classic response there Gincla

Motherinferior, I'm sorry that that was your experience the first few months with your child.

What I wrote was honestly how I felt. I wasn't wanting to make others feel bad.

I don't claim to be the perfect mother or have perfect experiences or a perfect life.

I fell so hard in love with my son that the first few months were honestly amazing.
I'm sure as I mentioned before, the fact we both survived, where it was touch & go for both of us, obviously heightened the elation.

I'm sorry that this has irked you.

"Everyone - I am new to mumsnet and have found on talk there are a lot of accusations flying around of people being 'judgemental' and 'generalising'
I am curious about when having an opinion crosses the line into being being judgmental? Another question, when does coming to a personal conclusion based on your own experiences become generalising? Thanks"

I have responded in one of the other threads you have asked this queston in.

I think that this thread is quite judgemental as is the other thread you started in AIBU today.

My dd came along unexpectedly whilst dh was just starting out in his career, I had no other option but to go back to work full-time after 3 months (that was the only time you got way back then) otherwise we would have been up the proverbial creek. My dd was looked after by my parents for free, we wouldn't have been able to afford childcare either.

It is wrong to judge, you don't know other peoples circumstances.

It's only irked me in its implication that the rest of us should feel like that.

I am quite partial to my children now, as it happens.

I don't think it's the OP who's been judgey here, it's others like ValentinCrumble who have been judgemental and unfair.

It's a shame that both parents are back at work no doubt doing some long shitty hours while their baby is so young, but I believe in quality not quanitity. If you work long shitty hours the best thing you can do imo is balance it out by spending lots of lovely quality time with your DC whenever you can.

YANBU, I think it is very sad, she may have no other choice, but its still sad.

Its nature, a baby has sppent 9 months inside its mother, hearing her voice, her heartbeat, her body is the first smell the baby will know.

Babies are comforted by these things from her in the early days, that bond is important.

My brother works in a nursery, they took on a 4 week old baby a couple of weeks ago, he and the other staff all said it was very

YABU
You know nothing about the woman or her circumstances

I don't know why you would feel sad. The baby is not orphaned, it is being taken care of and has parents.
YABU.

Exactly Haliborange.

I wonder if the op is a journalist?

Thanks Ormrenewed ;)

Motherinferior, I never suggested anything of the sort.

Your bad experience is obviously & understandably going to cloud your opinion of my post.

Remember this though, having a good experience of caring for my newborn is not something that should be looked down on.

You scornful tone comes across as petty & bad- natured.

I also, never once suggested anything about your relationship with your child/ren.
It is pathetic of you to suggest so.

If you have your own business, sometimes the "right time" to have a baby doesn't come along or might not come along till you are 50 by which time it's too late. Should these people remain childless forever because of the circumstances they might temporarily find themselves in?

My aunt was a teacher and was expected to go back to work 6 weeks after each birth. My cousins are all very nice, well-balanced individuals.

I've only read the OP.

I can't imagine why it would be so awful to have a childminder come and help with your baby if you worked in your own pub. It's not like going away from home to work in an office or something - presumably the childminder could come and hang around in the same place, in your home basically, looking after your baby while you helped run the pub...

it's a bit like having a nanny isn't it. Lots of people do that from birth.

If the mum had been working away from home and not seeing her baby all day I'd have found it a really upsetting idea but this sounds different.

I feel sad for the mum.
Working in a pub is hard work. 3 weeks after giving birth? After sleepless nights?