to be saddened by a three week old baby in full time childcare?

[lilystyles]

At a local toddler group last week there was a childminder who I'm friendly with, she had with her a new child, a baby of 3 weeks who's mother had gone back to work full-time in teh pub she and her husband own. I am not judging this woman, it's her choice but I couldn't help but feel sad at the situation.

YANBU anmd YABU

it's sad that the baby is in childcare

but good that Mum has the options of pursuing what as other s have said might be her chance at keeping a home.

Back when I had my older 2, people were generally back in work by 9 weeks, and if they ahd gone on maternity leave a bit early (eg sickness) then even earlier. Four or five weeks was not unheard of then.

Maybe the pub got into dire financial straits when sge was pregnant
maybe the pregnancy wasn't planned
fgs not everyone has the perfect nine months maternity leave you know!
And why do you think the cm is a stranger? Perhaps she is a family friend or was used for older siblings

YANBU at all. I feel sad at seeing babies without their parents.

Yes, of course it is really sad that in this day and age and in a so-called civilised society any mother and baby are unable to spend more time together after birth.

How much would it cost her to get an extra pair of hands in the pub compared with the cost of a CM?

It depends if she's in a managerial role or doing more routine stuff like behind the bar. But I would imagine bar staff and CMs would probably earn a similar amount.

Oh and yes, when i went back to work when ds1 was nine months old I almost collapsed my strong relationship in one journey literally begging dh to sell the car / house etc so I could be at home

Even though none of it was viable in real terms (no equity as had just moved and car on finance)

I was like amaniac; I don;t feel bd about it becuase I didn;t want to leave my baby 9even though it was with my Mum) but it was horrid, not just for me, and totally unavoidable.

OP has only sad she thinks it's a sad situation - can anyone give a good argument for why full-time childcare at 3 weeks is not a little sad for a child. OP doesn't sound judgey to me.

Sorry

nine Weeks

not months

It is sad, it may be unavoidable but it's still sad so yanbu.

The answer is in your original post I suspect. The parents of this baby own a pub. Small business owners don't get maternity leave. Pubs are struggling at the moment and a double dip recession could make it a lot worse. It is very likely that they are having to do this to avoid losing everything, including the roof over their heads, in the hope that things will get better in time.

It would have killed me to have worked full time away from my DC before they were at least two. I know some people do happily leave their little ones, which is why I'm struggling to see why leaving a new born with a childminder is so much worse than leaving a six month old at nursery.

To expand on my earlier 'YABU', As a 3 week old baby has little or no distinction between day and night, I cannot see much difference between a baby of this age in childcare and a 5mo who is at nursery all day sleeps most of the time they are at home. Surely a mother who has a 3wo in childcare will see more of it in the evening and through the night than someone who has a 8mo in childcare. Maybe mum has returned to work now in order to save enough money to be at home in a few months when the child is starting to interact more and recognise people. As LS said, you may get a different response from all the mothers who chose/had to go back to work.

Yes, it might be sad. But perhaps there are some very difficult economic situations that need her to be working so soon after the baby's born? Is the childminder so horrible?

It is sad for the mother but I can't see why it is for the baby. As long as he/she is getting cuddles and having his/her needs met what exactly is it missing out on. Were you all on top form childcare wise when your babies were 3 weeks or were you desperately tired, emotional, depressed, overwhelmed or any combination of those...?

I know several self-employed women (lawyers, opticians etc) who took zero mat leave - literally 48 hours in hospital, inc fielding calls from the labour bed for the lawyers.

Though they all managed to breastfeed. At least being self-employed you can be a bit flexible with your time and where you work.

What bigchris said.

Is that in France Bonsoir? Here i belive there is a certain amount of time you must ahve off for H&S reasons (is it a fortnight? It certainly was as I wasn't allowed in to Uni for same reasons- even though ds4 was strapped to me)

I also know mothers whose rich in-laws provided nannies and night nurses from the very outset - so the mothers had no chance to take care of their babies themselves .

Sancti - yes, in France. I'm sure it's not allowed here either, but no-one is really checking!

And then there are wealthy SAHMs who employ maternity nurses.

As long as the mother is happy, and the baby well cared for, I don't think any of us should get too upset.

stop judging the woman here

as long as medically she's ok to go back to work, you should be condeming her partner just as much for going back to work when his little one is so small

and yes, fwiw, i think that a baby does need someone who knows them well and will be a stable carer, but for all we know he WILL have that. but my point is - unless there is a medical reason, you should all be getting just as angry at the dad

same job, same income, same role

unless it's a MEDICAL reason, stop you working-woman bashing

"why have a baby if..."

People don't have babies just to spend those first weeks with them, you know. People sometimes long for a child, quite as genuinely as you might have done yourself, and love it just as much, even though they are going to struggle to get any time off work.

Anyway. Yes it's rather sad, I agree, and I would hate hate hate to do it. But ... in terms of things that harm babies, I can think of sadder things.

"I am not judging this woman, it's her choice but I couldn't help but feel sad at the situation."

What about her husband?

Presumably he works at the pub too if it is their business?

Why is it just she who is being judged? Now that the baby is out of the oven, so to speak, they are jointly responsible for it, and the care it receives, either in or out of the home.

YABU and very judgey.