to be saddened by a three week old baby in full time childcare?

[lilystyles]

At a local toddler group last week there was a childminder who I'm friendly with, she had with her a new child, a baby of 3 weeks who's mother had gone back to work full-time in teh pub she and her husband own. I am not judging this woman, it's her choice but I couldn't help but feel sad at the situation.

Zondra, I totally agree with you

Miasma - I'll ask you the same question then:

When I got pregnant because my Doctor prescribed a combination of meds without knowing they would override my pill, should I have aborted?

Because I knew the moment I found out I was pregnant that I'd be putting my DD into Childcare at eight weeks or thereabouts.

Would that have been better? I'm late twenties, married to a man I've been with for eleven years and own our own home.

That was my choice - early childcare or no baby at all. Oddly, I figured the baby would prefer being with a childminder.

It isn't always that simple!

Everyone - I am new to mumsnet and have found on talk there are a lot of accusations flying around of people being 'judgemental' and 'generalising'
I am curious about when having an opinion crosses the line into being being judgmental? Another question, when does coming to a personal conclusion based on your own experiences become generalising? Thanks

Miasma, not all babies involve a solid relationship (you only have to go to the Relationship board on here to figure that one out), not all babies are conceived with consenting adults, and not all women who have a contraception failure are secretly forgetting their pills... that's a very narrow view you have tehre

YANBU.

YANBU. DD is only 8 wks and still totally dependent, can't imagine leaving her, let alone 5 wks ago. Poor mother. But before anyone leaps on me, I know that she might well not want people feeling sorry for her and that's all cool, I just know how I would feel were circumstances to dictate that for me. Also aware it might be a choice.

Personally I work all kinds of shitty shifts for crap money In a job I hate so I don't have to pay someone to look after my kids. I'm not saying that's what you should do before I get jumped on but you asked what I would do and that's it.

I have nothing whatsoever against women who use childcare but in my honest opinion a newborn Should be with it's mum, no-one else.

3 week old babies are boring and hard work, maybe she has decided to work now so she can take some time off when the baby starts to be more of a person.

I agree with everything bigchris said. Alot of pubs are struggling nowadays and she probably didn't a choice whether to leave the baby.

It's all very well saying "why have a baby just to leave it with a CM so soon?" But alot can change in 9 months. Can go from "yay! we can afford to take a whole year for mummy (or daddy) to stay home with baby!" to "Oh shit. 3 weeks and then back to work, if we're lucky."

An au pair for a 3 week old?! That's much more irresponsible that leaving a newborn with a registered childminder.

I once had a job looking after a baby from 2 weeks old. The mother had to go back to work, she had no choice. She took the legal minimum maternity leave (compulsory maternity leave is 2 weeks in the UK, 4 weeks for factory workers) and she cried every morning as she left, every evening when she came home. I used to take the baby halfway across London to see her on her lunch-breaks but sometimes life doesn't stop :( I don't think the baby itself actually noticed, it was the mother it was hard on.

I think it's natural to feel sad though. Mostly I feel for the mother...

YABU, its none of your business. she's financially supporting the child she choose to have, sounds like a responsible mother.

"a newborn Should be with it's mum, no-one else"

not the father? not even if the woman is medically judged perfectly fine to undertake her work duties?

Golly...I know everyone has a choice...but how is it possible that she HAS to work to keep the roof....their are benefits available and she has a husband! He shoud work harder so she can care for the baby for at least 6 months

Boring & hard work?

Possibly hard work.

But, to describle looking after your newborn as you would perhaps talking about screwing caps on toothpaste tubes in a toothpaste factory is bizarre & alien to me.

But, if that's your opinion Libra,so be it. We are all different.

I can just remember a haze of total utter joy,love & contentment those first few months.
Oh & relief that we'd both survived the very hairy, traumatic birth.

It was only later on that boredom came into it with the kids after being subjected to unending Pingu episodes & crap like school mum politics.
Now that is boring!!!

I think that in this day and age being judgmental of a mother who goes back to work (hardly a rarity eh), relying on good quality childcare is a bit .

Yes, 3 weeks is a very short time to even physically recover from labour and birth. Yes, it is very difficult to be parted from a newborn. But sometimes there is nothing else you can do. Or it is how you have planned your life. I wouldn't have been physically or mentally able to go back to work after 3 weeks, but other people are, and, unless they leave their baby at an orphanage run by sadists, I have no problems with it.

"Golly...I know everyone has a choice...but how is it possible that she HAS to work to keep the roof....their are benefits available and she has a husband! He shoud work harder so she can care for the baby for at least 6 months"

The benefits aren't great if you own a business/are self-employed and there's only so much one person can do. Maybe she has vital skills to keep the pub going?

YANBU

"Golly...I know everyone has a choice...but how is it possible that she HAS to work to keep the roof....their are benefits available and she has a husband! He shoud work harder so she can care for the baby for at least 6 months"

We don't even know these people and you are assuming that the baby's dad doesn't work hard enough to support his family Hope neither the mum or dad ever read this thread and realise this is about them.

I would have absolutely loved someone to take my three week old off me.

I went back to work after four months and it felt amazingly wonderful to get away from the baby for a bit.

i think the vast majority of families now need two wage earners...

can you imagine if the OP had posted.. ' AIBU.. my friend had a baby 3 weeks ago, instaed of going back to work in her own business, she's staying off until the baby is 5, and going to claim whatever she can off the state so she can stay at home with the baby...'

or my 'friend had a baby 3 weeks ago, AIBU to thin she should go back to work in her business, as she is at risk of losing her house if she doesn't, but she says she'd rather end up in a council house and be with her baby full time...'

'I can just remember a haze of total utter joy,love & contentment those first few months'...kerrist, I remember utter misery. Panic. Misery. Despair. (And also being very very fat.)

Throughout history certain women (Rich, Royal working) have given their children to other carers as a matter of course - wet nurses, nannys, Grandparents ... today we have nurseries and childminders and always Grandparents. It is better that a tiny baby has one good carer from the start if not one of the parents then a childminder is not the the end of the world, it is nothing new. Not ideal but not that unusual.

The child is at least being cared for. Children 'looked after' by their parents can be neglected and abused even killed or live in such abject poverty that they are lucky to survive their childhood - I try and keep emotive topics like this in persepctive by remembering this.

What a horrible thread.

YABVVVU

There are some massively ignorant posters on here.

ValentinCrimble - what an absurd post.