to be saddened by a three week old baby in full time childcare?

[lilystyles]

At a local toddler group last week there was a childminder who I'm friendly with, she had with her a new child, a baby of 3 weeks who's mother had gone back to work full-time in teh pub she and her husband own. I am not judging this woman, it's her choice but I couldn't help but feel sad at the situation.

I went back to work when my LO was 7 weeks and 5 days.

Problem with Mat leave currently is that work more than ten days and you lose it.

So Option One: Don't go back to work - SME can't file end of year accounts and goes under. 45 jobs lost, including mine, in the middle of the recession.

Option Two: Go back, file the accounts (and the payroll etc) but then go back on Mat Leave with NO PAY WHATSOEVER.... and lose my house etc

Option Three: Go back full time at 7 weeks, hate every second of being away from my baby but keep both my job and my baby's home.

Which would you have chosen?

FWIW, my LO is now eight months and is perfectly happy with a CM who's fab.

It isn't a perfect world and not every woman, still, gets nine months. I didn't choose to get pregnant when I did, but, to the poster who asked 'why have a baby like that...' should I - married, fit, stable employment etc - have aborted?

I'm not pretending it's ideal, but there's ideal and then there's reality. It isn't 'sad' - it just is.

Dont care if you think it is a stupid thing to say really I just thought babies as young as 3 weeks were suppsed be to mainly cared for by their parents?

insightful, Gincla

I think you should atleast have SOME time with baby before u rush off to work but I cann se I am in the minority with that! The CM would be a stranger compared to his/her mummy though wouldn't they?

Thanks DirtyMartini :)

You're not in the effing minority with that.

Ah I dont know I just feel sorry for baby a bit, I did come across a right judgemental bitch though, Apologies, Hopefully if they are in dire straits at work then it will pick up and mum will have some more time to spend with little one!

No Gincla they're meant to be cared for by people who will love them.

Does it matter terribly who that is? If it's not a biological parent, is that child really going to suffer so much? I often wonder if my DD is doing as well as she is because she had the attention so early on of someone trained and experienced and not sleep deprived, lost and still recovering physically.

I know for a fact that, as much as I love my DD to death, my CM has far more patience. She provides a more varied environment than I could've. Oh, and just, I'm sure, as many cuddles!

TattyDevine - if feeling a certain way about a situation I have seen is being 'judgmental' so be it.

sad but cant judge when you dont know their full circumstances.

"I just thought babies as young as 3 weeks were suppsed be to mainly cared for by their parents?"

And it is being. Childminder I assume 5 days a week = 40 hours. Hours in a week, including night time which is VERY relevant with a 3 week old, 168 hours.

Do the maths.

"why have a baby if..." What a silly thing to say. My mother had to go back to work when I was a week old. She worked in a male-dominated field in the US in the 70's, and she had no other choice.

Everyone's circumstances are different. I wouldn't be happy to have to do that, but if it's the only way to have a child and continue to provide for your family, it's what you do.

We all seem to assume the CM spends all the time with the baby and the parents hardly ever see her. This is not necessarily the case. If the family lives near/above the pub, she might regularly pop out to see baby and CM during the day, but going to toddler group might not be possible and get delegated to the CM. It's what I do myself. Right now, I'm finishing my phd thesis and my baby is 6 mo. Most of the days, I work from home, my parents or CM are there and I see my baby regularly during the day (still bf-ing). They take care of nappies, playing, cuddling, napping etc., while I work.

I am that anyone is physically able to work at that stage. I was all over the place for the first couple of months especially with a first baby. How on earth do you function/concentrate on no sleep presumably the baby is waking every 3 or so hours for a feed? Also both mine breastfed for hours. Actually I didnt leave the house for 3 weeks with dd2 because she was prem and it a nightmare feeding her having to express every 3 hours then feed. I think if someone had suggested I went back to my job at that point I would have collapsed in a heap!

YAB hilariously U to claim you don't judge and then er... judge.

Ok ok I said I aplogise for being such a judgemental bitch! Sheesh!

Dont CM have other kids to care for too though so It would be interesting to know how she works round them all especially with one being so young.

YANBU.

I do think it is a little sad that the mum & baby can't be together for whatever reason.

I know a childminder who minds three children full-time, the youngest is only a few weeks old and the mother doesn't work. The children go to the CM not their mum when they hurt themselves or have a bad dream, but I guess this is the choice the woman has made for her family and it must be working for her, however strange it seems to me.

My honest opinion is that the woman shouldnt have had a baby if she wa going to put it in full time childcare at 3 weeks old.

I feel sorry for the baby.

Dont CM have other kids to care for too though so It would be interesting to know how she works round them all especially with one being so young.

Just like mothers with more than one child do.

Gincla- sorry, I was skimming over posts after a while. Ignore my referencing your original comment, please!

The rest of the content still stands for anyone feeling the urge to say something similar. :o I do think it's a shame to have to leave a baby that small. I think most people doing so are doing it out of necessity rather than desire, though.

Hmm true all though still think it would be difficult for a CM.

No worries Cakewench!

Like I said hopefully they will be able to sort whatever the reason is for going back so early and catch up with lots of cuddles! :)

Yanbu.

Very sad & if that makes me judgey so be it.

Anyone who says there is never a circumstance that they ever judge is talking rot. We all do, secretly in our heads all the time.

Most of the time it's impolite to voice opinions on other's actions but, in this aibu forum opinions have been called for & mine's is that tiny babies not being with their mothers is not ideal & is sad.

Apparently, it seems I am the unreasonable one to hold this view but, hey,ho I don't care.

Must say that the hint of suggestion that a chilminder might actually be better than the mother looking after the young baby is odd.
Some people will justify a situation no matter what if it suits their own values & way of life.

Of course, if a mother is mentally unhinged then in that extreme circumstance then anyone looking after the young baby would be preferable!
To even hint at suggesting babies might thrive better being cared for by others is a nonsense!

Btw, I am not suggesting that CMs do a bad job,just like any other industry there are good & bad.
Most, I'm sure are excellent.
I just don't think that it can be the same connection,bond,etc. as a mother has with her own off-spring. It's biological.