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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cried over what another customer said?

161 replies

StrictlyTory · 10/10/2010 13:07

Ok today I woke up with really engorged breasts, DC2 is 2 weeks old. The BF councillor told me to go to a large department store in town and have some feeding bras properly fitted...

So off I went with DH, and 2 DC's in tow. Bra fitting dept had 2 staff on and there was 1 other old woman in there. I asked where the maternity bras were and the old woman snapped at me that she was first in the line for fitting. I was Hmm as I wasn't trying to get ahead, just find a bra first!

Anyway DS started playing up a bit but DH had him pretty much under control so went into the changing room, old woman was there too. She had asked for at least a dozen bras to be fitted so the fitter kept telling me to wait which was fine. DS then called out 'where's Mummy' and the woman stuck her head out the chaging room and shouted at DH 'For God' sake take that horrible child out of here'. I heard this from behind my curtain and for a few mins was in such shock, half assuming it was a very odd joke! Realising it wasn't I got dressed and ran after DH.

Decided to by a bra without being fitted properly as I had tried bra on and it felt ok and I was in such pain I just wanted a bra! While paying the fitted whispered to me how rude the other woman was, I was Hmm at it being whispered to save the old womans feelings and I just said how DS was only 2 and how shocked I was that a grown woman would shout at him like that...

So, finished paying and walked past the changing room where the woman popped out to shout at me that I was a rubbish mother and DS should have respect for old people Shock

I immediately burst into tears and stammered that he was 2, we had a 2 week old baby and I has hugely engorged breast and was in a lot of pain and just wanted a fitted bra! Blush

She then told me to get out the shop, to which the fitter started leading me to the door! AIBU to have sobbed in public and be pretty upset that the fitter allowed the woman to talk to us all like that?

OP posts:
RandomMusings · 10/10/2010 20:24

crikey

okay

62 is not old

and what CCF said

mumbar · 10/10/2010 20:50

YANBU to have cried. I can understand the lady may have been a little worried that your DS would run in, but he didn't and the blatent insult was uncalled for. She should have handled it better.

I'm wondering tho whether the member of staff walked with you to the door to make sure you were OK? Or did she say you have to leave come on?

Hope you and your enlarged bosems are OK now, and congrats you you and DH on the new addition.

Original poster
StrictlyTory · 10/10/2010 21:02

Wow newwave thanks for that Hmm I'm sure that on a normal day I would have challenged her.... However when you've had very little sleep, a very sore back after having a spinal tap, breasts the size of a small country that throb like noones business and someone shouts at your child in this case witty remarks and cutting retorts went out the window and tears came right in!

Believe me I don't make a habit of sobbing in public.

OP posts:
TandB · 10/10/2010 22:37

You are not spineless, OP. I am notorious for speaking out when most people would simply let it go and fume quietly. However, when DS was about a week old I found myself standing in a shop holding him and trying not to cry because I thought everyone was glaring at me because he was crying.
I also muttered and whimpered when an old lady told me that I shouldn't have a baby that young out - and this was in the presence of my uber-supportive MIL and SIL and a bus-driver who I know and like. Apparently the only reason noone stuck up for me on that occasion is that they couldn't quite believe I was going to let it go!
The woman was vile - nothing to do with age - she was clearly just a rude, unpleasant person. If I had been you I would probably have been just as tearful and just as cross with myself for not saying anything. It's a pity we are not all as incisive and assertive as newwave at all times.....

nevergoogle · 10/10/2010 22:42

what zookeeper said is spot on.

"Old woman was clearly nuts. You're hormomal with sore tits. It will pass".

ColdComfortFarm · 10/10/2010 22:51

I don't think the woman was reasonable to describe a child as 'horrible'. If she had said, 'please can someone stop that child from running about, It is making me nervous' I would have more sympathy. I do not want to upset the op who is tired and hormonal, but talking about her loudly to the shop assistant was only ever going to escalate the situation and puts the assistant in a difficult position. But it is over now.

Tigerdrivesbackin · 10/10/2010 22:53

Well, isn't it obvious. CCF was the ol' lady.

The big mistake here was the assistant, who really made a hash of this, but maybe a weekend girl who just didn't know how to cope? And before you all jump on me for being ageist, you know what I mean by weekend girl.

Theincrediblesulk1 · 10/10/2010 22:55

You are all a lot nicer than me, i would have pulled her out of the changing room naked and shoved her in the middle of the shop!

Then said go fuck yourself old woman!

I may have a smacked the fitter to

I am so sorry you were treated this way!

Mumcentreplus · 11/10/2010 00:45

Grin Tis1!

Rachyandmeg · 11/10/2010 02:19

What a nasty woman. Just ignore it and move on shes not worth your thinking time.

Id take the bra back and get a refund, they dont deserve your money. In fact thinking about it when you go back for your refund tell them you want to make a complaint. I presume it wasnt the owner who treated you with such disrespect?

Rx

Aitch · 11/10/2010 02:32

horrible situation for everyone, i think. best to chalk it up to experience and forget all about it. she was rude, for who knows what reason, and got you at a time when you can least cope with rudeness. Smile congrats on the new baby, hope your tits calm down soon.

proudnglad · 11/10/2010 07:07

Honestly? Sounds like you both behaved quite badly to me. I could say more but I won't as everyone clearly believes all the dialogue we've been presented with!

Yes yes I know you had sore boobs and a new baby and whilst I sympathise and remember that stage, most of us on here are pregs or struggling with babies or dc etc so it's kind of irritating that you and others keep repeating it!!

ColdComfortFarm · 11/10/2010 09:13

HOw ridiculous it is. If you don't start inventing ludicrous and frankly sadistic and perverse fantasies of revenge, and if you don't approve of sneering about 'old' women, you must be the person in the story. There are no words for this kind of stupidity. This thread has become, in my opinion, really very unpleasant. It's not the OP's post I object to, but the disgusting stuff that followed.

Spookyoldclothcatpuss · 11/10/2010 09:35

What was your DH doing letting this vile old woman speak to you like this? I am often shocked by the behaviour of small children in shops, but am also often shocked by the behaviour of elderly women who think they deserve respect just because they are old! Wether your child misbehaved or not doesn't give her free rein to speak to you that way. The fact that she did though IMO does then give you the right to tell her to get stuffed. Although personally I would have retained my dignity and told her politely and with respect exactly where to go!

ColdComfortFarm · 11/10/2010 09:45

I would like to point out that the woman in the changing room only spoke directly to the OP after the OP had slagged her off to the shop assistant in her hearing, which did not exactly demonstrate perfect manners either.

OrmRenewed · 11/10/2010 09:49

CCF - that seems to be how it goes when anyone mentions that an old person is involved. Everyone piles in offering lots of sympathy and disparaging the old person. Then eventually it gets nastier and nastier until people are being positively vicious and ageist.

Wonder why that is?

thekidsmom · 11/10/2010 09:51

What a cow. Poor you.

Amuse yourself now with composing withering comebacks you'd love to have delivered...

I think the fitter has a lot to answer for in this - why wasnt she more supportive? and told the old bat that HER behavoiur was unaccepatable and that SHE was a bad human being??

Aitch · 11/10/2010 09:51

agree with ccf. you'll all be 62-ish year old women some day, i hope you are treated with more consideration than this woman.

as an aside, ccf, i was shopping with dd2 (aged 2) yesterday, she was a total pita and kept opening the curtain all the time. fortunately i am too knackered to care about people seeing my flabby arse, but i can totally see why a child shouting through a partition might have made someone unusually tense, if they thought the kid was racing around inside rather than outside the changing rooms.

Bigmouthstrikesagain · 11/10/2010 09:52

OP - YANBU - I am really sorry that this happened to you. Sounds horrific especially at such a vulnerable time. Nothing you or family did warranted that womans' rabid response.

But - in the circumstances you describe I do not see the need for your DH to be in the changing area with you. Was he outside on the shop floor? It makes sense to remove a bored toddler from the area and take them for a trot around while you are occupied with trying bra on. I think it would be reasonable for another customer to feel nervous that they may be barged in on while having a bra fitting - if a toddler is upset and searching for mummy. It utterly is not reasonable to shout and be rude about the child as this woman did.

So have a nice cuppa cuddle your children and be glad you are not this clearly very unhappy woman.

Aitch · 11/10/2010 09:53

well it's a shocking thought thekidsmom but it's just possible that the fitter didn't think the woman was so badly in the wrong, given that she witnessed the actual incident rather than heard a partisan account over the internet.

ColdComfortFarm · 11/10/2010 10:02

I don't think it was nice or kind to use the word 'horrid' to describe a child, it wa rude, and I wouldn't have liked it myself, but frankly, but not everyone actually even likes children, some kids are a PIA (I'd say all kids are a PIA some of the time), we do tend to treat our kids as little gods these days so take any comments hugely personally - it's the new blasphemy! - and the woman may have felt panicky and vulnerable and over-reacted for various reasons, and yes, she might be a cross, short-tempered person by nature. However, it was obviously going to escalate things to have a loud go at her via the shop assistant. You might BOTH have over-reacted, and the poor assistant was stuck in the middle. I think it would be ridiculous to complain to the shop. It wasn't the staff's fault that this incident occurred between two customers. And tbh I have called my own children 'horrid' before now, and they aren't noticeably scarred by it!

ColdComfortFarm · 11/10/2010 10:04

Exactly Orm. And in the end you get all these sick fantasies about hurting naked women! Freaky.

mumblechum · 11/10/2010 10:27

I'm with Orm and CCF. I still don't understand why the entire family were hanging around in the changing area. How many people does it take to buy a bra?

ColdComfortFarm · 11/10/2010 10:33

lol at the fitter being expected to tell one of her customers that she is a 'bad human being'. Yeah...

grumpypants · 11/10/2010 10:36

new wave is that your standard advice? Same suggestion on the restaurant thread, where it went down just as well!

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