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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cried over what another customer said?

161 replies

StrictlyTory · 10/10/2010 13:07

Ok today I woke up with really engorged breasts, DC2 is 2 weeks old. The BF councillor told me to go to a large department store in town and have some feeding bras properly fitted...

So off I went with DH, and 2 DC's in tow. Bra fitting dept had 2 staff on and there was 1 other old woman in there. I asked where the maternity bras were and the old woman snapped at me that she was first in the line for fitting. I was Hmm as I wasn't trying to get ahead, just find a bra first!

Anyway DS started playing up a bit but DH had him pretty much under control so went into the changing room, old woman was there too. She had asked for at least a dozen bras to be fitted so the fitter kept telling me to wait which was fine. DS then called out 'where's Mummy' and the woman stuck her head out the chaging room and shouted at DH 'For God' sake take that horrible child out of here'. I heard this from behind my curtain and for a few mins was in such shock, half assuming it was a very odd joke! Realising it wasn't I got dressed and ran after DH.

Decided to by a bra without being fitted properly as I had tried bra on and it felt ok and I was in such pain I just wanted a bra! While paying the fitted whispered to me how rude the other woman was, I was Hmm at it being whispered to save the old womans feelings and I just said how DS was only 2 and how shocked I was that a grown woman would shout at him like that...

So, finished paying and walked past the changing room where the woman popped out to shout at me that I was a rubbish mother and DS should have respect for old people Shock

I immediately burst into tears and stammered that he was 2, we had a 2 week old baby and I has hugely engorged breast and was in a lot of pain and just wanted a fitted bra! Blush

She then told me to get out the shop, to which the fitter started leading me to the door! AIBU to have sobbed in public and be pretty upset that the fitter allowed the woman to talk to us all like that?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 10/10/2010 15:49

This lady was rude plain and simple!

rastababi · 10/10/2010 15:59

Thinking back to when DD was 2 weeks old and I had chronic engorgement I think I would have used my bra and rung her neck with it.

What a horrid, vile old cow. Ignore her and keep you head high knowing you are doing a wonderful job raising 2 DC.

Original poster
StrictlyTory · 10/10/2010 15:59

Thank you Piglet. Smile

OP posts:
stoatie · 10/10/2010 16:02

What a horrid experience. I would write to the store, not a complaint as it were, but say that the store was recommended by breast feeding counsellor however this was your experience etc and how you felt. Maybe they could redesign an area suitable for breastfeeding mums etc - with space for children etc.

Also - don't understand why if there were 2 staff on why she made all fuss about being first - surely other staff member could have attended to you

Original poster
StrictlyTory · 10/10/2010 16:03

Hahah Rasta Tis a mahoosive bra! I can think of all these cutting comebacks now but at the time all I could think was that she had called DS horrible and my boobs hurt, so when the fitter whispered that she was rude I was really trying not to cry already so by the time she said I was a terrible Mother it was full on sobbing and I couldn't get past saying that she had no manners to should at a toddler and that I just wanted a feeding bra before I couldn't speak for crying and was almost certainly bright red and sweating Blush

OP posts:
rastababi · 10/10/2010 16:06

God it always happens to me too, think of a brilliant come back 2 hours later! Hmm

DirtyMartini · 10/10/2010 16:10

Really sorry you had such a nasty experience, OP.

Strictly speaking I don't believe in karma, but I think it is unlikely that anyone could go through life being as unpleasant and irrationally rude as that woman, without it coming back to bite 'em on the arse somehow.

I bet your DS is lovely and not remotely horrible :)

missorinoco · 10/10/2010 16:11

YANBU for crying, but the other woman was a judgmental wombat, so I wouldn't waste any more brain power thinking about her, she's not worth the space in your head.

I am sure you could have handled it differently, I would probably waste days in your shoes thinking of great (and violent Blush) comebacks, frankly your response was more dignified than hers even with crying and it will be so much more productive to spend that time eating chocolate and gazing at DC2 than thinking about some woman whose opinion is of no consequence to you.

I wonder if the store people were thrying to get you out before you became upset in public, they might have thought you wouldn't like that.

FWIW my mother is 72, would have had a most non-whispered conversation with you about the other woman's rudeness, taken you off to buy you a coffee and you would have been trying to run away from her by the end of it. Grin

Congrats on DC2, hope the boobs go down soon.

CheeseandGherkins · 10/10/2010 16:16

Omg what a horrible person! You are not a bad mother at all. I would have told her where to shove her manners, I can't stand people like her and have a fairly short temper, especially if I'm tired and had a 2 week old baby. Shame on her.

lady007pink · 10/10/2010 16:24

StrictlyTory, your DS obviously loves you to bits and will always do so.

I can't imagine this horrible woman has anybody to love her!

to you an your DCs!

pigletmania · 10/10/2010 19:02

Sorry CCF I did not mean that you were rude Blush just that the lady in the shop was. I know that my post sounded like i said that you were rude and i wrote in a bit of a rush.

newwave · 10/10/2010 19:07

And you walked out crying, when you next have a fitting make sure it's for a backbone.

BrightLightBrightLight · 10/10/2010 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Antalya1 · 10/10/2010 19:44

62?..she was probably just the same at 22...a horrible nasty woman. You're not a rubbish mother and perfectly understandable that you burst into tears 2 weeks after having a baby and with sore breasts...I remember that well!...when the specialist BF nurse came to see me when I was struggling with my ds and told me that I was doing it wrong..I nearly threw her out the window!! she's lucky she got you at a tearful moment not a 'crazy hormone-skewiff sleep deprived new mother' moment!!..and I agree with BGR I would have given her a mouthful as well for you if I would have been there.

marriednotdead · 10/10/2010 19:54

Newwave, that is totally uncalled for don't you think? Or is kicking people when they're down ok with you Hmm

Not everyone is assertive/outspoken/confrontational. It doesn't automatically make them spineless.

traceybath · 10/10/2010 19:56

Newwave - were you the other woman - seems a particularly nasty thing to say.

Stricly - unfortunately there are unpleasant people around. Who knows why she was so nasty but just forget it - easier said than done though I know.

Hope your boobs have calmed down and congratulations on your new baby Smile

KaraStarbuckThrace · 10/10/2010 19:58

Newwave did you miss the bit about the OP having a 2 week old baby?

FFS what a nasty comment to make!

newwave · 10/10/2010 19:59

MND, yes it does, if you put up with that sort of crap because your not assertive/outspoken/confrontational then you are spineless, that is self evident.

If her normal stance would have been to tell the old bitch to go fuck herself and that is an abberation then fair enough, if she normally acts in the manner she described then I am right.

marriednotdead · 10/10/2010 20:03

You sound like a real nice person to be around. I'm glad your self esteem is so high, wonder how many peoples' you trod on to get it there....

newwave · 10/10/2010 20:10

MND, none to my knowledge but then again I dont let others tread on mine either.

If your willing to be treated like a mug then bully for you, you will always find those willing to do it.

Tracey, no it wasnt me I would have had some sympathy for the OP and made way for her.

OrmRenewed · 10/10/2010 20:10

Hmmmm love all the ageism and mysoginy on this thread.

umf · 10/10/2010 20:14

Wow, what a bitch of a middle-aged (surely not old at 62?) lady!

I'm finding myself jumping straight into my mother's mode of suggesting that maybe the lady is very unhappy, maybe she couldn't have children, maybe she's ill... but heck, from your POV at 2 weeks postnatal she was just a real cow.

Can't understand posters who think you should have gone shopping by yourself. If we have any trace of feminism left, shouldn't we be arguing for city planning, public transport, shops, and attitudes that recognise that mothers of small children often have small children with them and need access to services anyway?

pigletmania · 10/10/2010 20:14

newwave how rude Shock. Ok you think that way, but no need to say it in such a nasty, harsh way.

marriednotdead · 10/10/2010 20:15

Bully. Now there's a good word.

The OP was bullied, the shop assistant was also scared to confront the bully.
So they're both spineless then?

Can't see how pointing that out helps either of them.

inveteratenamechanger · 10/10/2010 20:21

Agree with ColdComfortFarm. The other customer was v. v. rude, but who knows why she behaved in the way she did. No need for all the nasty, ageist misogyny on show here.

Also agree that it isn't the shop assistant's job to discipline the other customers.

OP, sorry you had such an upsetting experience, and I completely understand why you cried. YANBU. But some other posters on this thread are being VU.

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