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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find this comment about C sections annoying

141 replies

whoneedssleepanyway · 06/10/2010 17:43

my friend and his wife are expecting their first baby which they conceived naturally after a number of IVF attempts.

he told me the other day that she will probably have a C section as her uterus is an unusual shape and they are seeing the consultant in a few weeks who will decide if she can have one.

he then said, she will be pretty gutted if she can't have a C section as everything with the pregnancy has gone smoothly to this point and it will just be better to have a C section....

it is none of my business and up to them but i found this assumption that a C section was somehow better and safer a bit naive.....

AIBU?

OP posts:
bigchris · 06/10/2010 17:44

Maybe he just meant they wanted the convenience of a planned c section
with a natural first birth it often goes awry anyway with forceps, epidurals, stitches etc

Olifin · 06/10/2010 17:46

I would guess that he/they are assuming a section is the safest option for someone with an unusually-shaped uterus.

Whether or not that is actually the case, I have no idea.

Olifin · 06/10/2010 17:47

YANBU to find it a bit annoying though... I think sometimes first-time parents can be a bit naive about C-sections.

sarah293 · 06/10/2010 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LowLevelWhiingeing · 06/10/2010 17:47

YABU

You have no idea about the complexities of her medical history.

None of your beeswax innit?

ShatnersBassoon · 06/10/2010 17:48

I think YABU to be annoyed at it. I understand why you might find it an unusual belief, but there's no reason to be annoyed with them.

Medical intervention gives some people a lot of confidence.

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 06/10/2010 17:49

is it safer for the baby? i read an article not long ago about the number of babies that get accidently nicked or something during a C section....but it wasn't in the most reputable publication so probably wasn't true anyway...

OP posts:
laweaselmys · 06/10/2010 17:50

Sometimes you just have for example, family members whispering about their pregnancies and how yours will obviously be the same, because of genetic body shapes...

I certainly had this, was very surprised and not prepared when DD arrived after a totally normal labour.

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 06/10/2010 17:50

i know it is none of my business...but i actually do know the complexities of her medical history

OP posts:
curlymama · 06/10/2010 17:50

I have a friend who is ttc, and she somehow thinks a c section would be better as well. I can't beleive that people actually think that they have a choice to make over which way they deliver a child when there are no medical indications.

A c section is a fantastic opration which has no doubt saved countless lives, but it is not something to make a choice over like whether to use a physio ball, or have a water birth!

Maybe in your situation your friend is just really nervous and wants the reassurance of having a c section after so many ivf attempts.

Olifin · 06/10/2010 17:50

But how can being annoyed by anything be unreasonable? It's just a feeling that OP can't help having. She's not going to do anything with that feeling.

Portofino · 06/10/2010 17:53

I was told I was be having a c-section due to transverse presentation then sent home at the last minute to await natural birth. I then had an induction and emcs under G&A.

Sometimes it is much "better" to make a decision then stick to it. If I had a 2nd one it would be ELCS all the way - particularly if there are complications as in this case. I would not be judging them in these circumstances.

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 06/10/2010 17:56

it's not like i will think any more/less of them for doing one thing of the other but it just came across quite blase that's all...

OP posts:
proudnglad · 06/10/2010 17:57

It's none of your business. They are understandably (but possibly misguidedly) trying to control the birth because they were so out of control when they couldn't conceive.

MilaMae · 06/10/2010 18:03

Who I had IVF babies after 7 years of fertility treatment and loss of embryos. All I ever,ever cared about were live deliveries and requested from the word go that I have 2X c/s.

My consultants(1 a renowned woman in her field) gave them to me in a blink of an eye totally understanding my views and being of the opinion they were safer for the babies.I wasn't the least bit interested in any risks to myself.

I think that analogy re walking a mile in my shoes is relevant here.

muriel76 · 06/10/2010 18:16

I find her comment refreshing actually.

It's makes a change from the naiviety (sp!) with which I and a number of friends/relatives approached vaginal birth.

Although with hindsight I was more ill informed than naive I think.

otchayaniye · 06/10/2010 18:18

I chose a c-section because I wanted one. My ob/gyn did try to talk me round to considering a natural birth. I resisted at first, but as it happened I kind of changed my mind from 7 months on and thought I'd better go for a natural birth, but in the end she was stargazing breech and I had preeclampsia so they had to perform it at 35 weeks. And I must say it went very well and my ob/gyn did a wonderful job and stitched me up like a plastic surgeon. I would fly back to him for round 2 (hoping there is a round 2).

I was very firm in my wishes but not naive, and I had a good reason (rape). Also my medical history of Ashermans meant I had a complicated pregnancy. But I'd seen the same ob/gyn from the start of that treatment for a year and half and saw him every week of my pregnancy and trusted him implicitly. So if he'd really insisted I go for a natural birth, I would have.

I think because I'd been raped, I had weird, warped views of my own body and threw up if I watched a birth (mind you I had hyperemesis as well!)

Still, I think breastfeeding for 23 months has really helped heal me of that.

Would I have another planned section as opposed to VBAC, probaby yes. If my first was anything to go by, it was great and I don't feel I've missed out at all.

annec555 · 06/10/2010 18:20

I think it is unreasonable to make any sort of assumptions about how they have reached this decision - you have no idea how they are really thinking or feeling about the pregnancy. Perhaps they are genuinely terrified about the tiniest possibility of anything going wrong for their longed-for baby.
However, you would not be unreasonable to think it is a shame that childbirth is still so widely viewed as a medical procedure, with the risks constantly highlighted. BigChris's comment about first births often "going awry" is unfortunately true, perhaps because there is so much intervention at the first sign of difficulty. If there was much more of an assumption that women are generally going to find that their bodies are able to do what they were designed to do, with information about the possibility of intervention taking a bit more of a back seat, perhaps there would be less of a sense that it is a level playing-field decision between c-section and vaginal birth.
I should say, however, that I speak as someone who is inclined to worry, but who conceived very easily and had a very quick, natural birth. Had I struggled to conceive or suffered any difficulties in pregnancy, then I can quite easily imagine that I could have worried myself into wanting a c-section, "just in case".

longgrasswhispers · 06/10/2010 18:23

This will interest you all - I live in Turkey where there is a state healthcare system, but where you do get to choose what type of delivery you have.

I would estimate that 90% of births here are by c-section.

Some women start labouring naturally and then when the pain gets too much, they beg for a c-section, which they get.

Others, and these are the majority, have absolutely no intention of having a natural birth, and book the c-section date as soon as possible. Among those that I know are two nurses. One of whom is British.

In fact, the only people I know here who have had a natural birth are myself and another friend who are British and gave birth to our children in the UK.

withorwithoutyou · 06/10/2010 18:28

In some respects a c-section is safer, depends what you consider the risks to be.

I think the stats that a baby born vaginally is 80% more likely suffer from oxygen deprivation at birth than one born by c-s. I don't know if that is for EMCS and ELCS. Would expect the risk of oxygen deprivation to be even lower for ELCS if those figures include both.

But other risks are elevated.

It's not really cut and dried, and certainly not as simple as your friend is wrong.

TechnoKitten · 06/10/2010 18:30

Elective CS is safer for the baby than a vaginal delivery which is safer for the mother. Fertility problems resulting in a successful pregnancy through IVF is actually a medical indication for CS so your friend is completely reasonable to request one. You are BU to accuse them of naivety, I am sure this is something they will have discussed with their midwife/doctor and researched carefully.

OliPocket · 06/10/2010 18:33

I have a bi-cornuate uterus and I'm pregnant now. My baby is breech and has been every time I have been scanned or checked by my Obstetrician. I have been advised to have a C section at 39 weeks if the baby is still breech as this is safer for my baby.

I lost a son last year at 22 weeks so I'll do whatever the Obs tells me is the safest option.

YABU - - if she has a funny shaped womb then it probably is safer to have a C section

fluffles · 06/10/2010 18:35

if you've been told it's likely you'll need a c-section anyway then i would imagine it is by far best to have agreed an elective one.

i wouldn't have an elective one by choice but if anything in my medical history or the babies condition indicated a c-section was very likely i'd rather have an elective one than a crash last-minute job.

sloanypony · 06/10/2010 18:40

There is a criteria known as "precious baby" which is sort of what Technokitten described above, its the slang term among medics for someone who as tried very very hard to have a baby and is nearly there and wants to leave nothing to chance.

C-sections leave less to chance than natural births, certainly for the baby.

Its something people just shouldn't discuss because there's always some bugger who will have an opinion on it Hmm which of course they are entitled to Wink

BalloonSlayer · 06/10/2010 18:47

I had an Emergency C-section for my first, what music to my ears were the words "we think we'd better do a caesarean"! I had been worried sick that I would never get the baby out and he would die. I was worried about myself too but more about the baby.

I chose elective sections for the next two - because as I had had one section I could - because I thought it safer for the baby. Imagine my guilt when DC2 had breathing problems caused by being an elective section. (She was OK though, and I still had one for DC3.)