Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find this comment about C sections annoying

141 replies

whoneedssleepanyway · 06/10/2010 17:43

my friend and his wife are expecting their first baby which they conceived naturally after a number of IVF attempts.

he told me the other day that she will probably have a C section as her uterus is an unusual shape and they are seeing the consultant in a few weeks who will decide if she can have one.

he then said, she will be pretty gutted if she can't have a C section as everything with the pregnancy has gone smoothly to this point and it will just be better to have a C section....

it is none of my business and up to them but i found this assumption that a C section was somehow better and safer a bit naive.....

AIBU?

OP posts:
Olifin · 07/10/2010 09:38

I don't think the end result has coloured the experience, no. I have had two natural, straightforward births. I didn't enjoy the first one but enjoyed the second. The outcome was the same for both.

I do think it's a shame that you think a natural birth is 'outdated'. To me, that's a strange opinion. I don't make judgements about CS- lots of people need them, some people want them. All fine by me.

forpitysake · 07/10/2010 09:48

my pregnancy with DD was almost textbook and we were both fit and healthy. i was about 5-6cm dilated when i went into hospital at 2am.had gas and air, then pethidine, then i had to go for nearly 2 hours with no relief. i got to the pushing stage but she got stuck (coming out face up apparently.didnt know that until about 2 years after. my first baby and if anyone realised then they didnt say anything). then i had to have an epidural and a c-section. truly terrifying experience. groggy and spaced out from all those meds and scared for our baby, but she was getting distressed and there was no other option. the recovery was awful. took a lot longer than i was told it would. and as they were in such a hurry to get her out, she had marks on her wrists like a suicide attempt. they just stopped short of slicing the skin.she must have had her hands up near her face or something.

i know from my friends that ripping and stitches are absolutely horrible.two of them are still having problems, but i agree that some deluded people see a c-section as an 'easy option' and that its safer for everyone concerned. i dont always think its the best option and i still feel like i didnt 'give birth' to DD. silly i knowSmile

we are TTC again now. its taken nearly 4 years to come to terms with it all and to even think about another baby, where we might go through all that again. apparently its likely i will be best with another section-planned this time.

has anyone had a section, then a natural birth? how did it go?

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 07/10/2010 09:52

Sorry Shelly my comment "did you not read what I just said" was directed at withorwithoutyou not you...x post.

OP posts:
Shelly32 · 07/10/2010 10:01

Olifin, I'm allowed my opinion whether you think it's strange or not and as for your last point. I also agree :)

SuzieHomemaker · 07/10/2010 10:03

forpitysake I cant say anything about having a natural birth after CS but I can say that my elective CS after a nightmare of a crash CS was a really good experience.

It was really relaxed, we sat and read the newspaper then went down to the theatre when called. We had had time to plan care for DD1 beforehand. There was no panic in the early hours. We were awake, calm, centred.

The recovery time was far quicker than first time. Mainly I suspect because with an elective CS my body hadnt exercised itself to a standstill as it had with the crash CS. I wouldnt prepare for an operation on my leg by running a marathon the day before.

I hope that you find a way through that works for you. The birth is just a way of getting here. What you do as a parent is the thing that matters.

Shelly32 · 07/10/2010 10:04

That's ok whoneedssleepanyway, no need to apologise. Hope out of all of these often passionate posts, you've got some answer to ur Q!!XX

Olifin · 07/10/2010 10:06

Of course you're allowed your opinion Shelly

And my opinion is that your opinion is strange! (Not that I think you're strange; just your viewpoint :)

Shelly32 · 07/10/2010 10:08

:)

Mingg · 07/10/2010 10:17

I agree with you Shelly

Chynah · 07/10/2010 11:00

Agree with you too Shelly. I had no intention of having a 'natural' birth with either of mine and had really good experiences with the 2 ELCSs I did have. However can appreciate some people may prefer the natural way - each to their own I say, couldn't care less what other people chose to do as long as people get the deliveries they want (which I did).

sarah293 · 07/10/2010 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ragged · 07/10/2010 12:31

I wouldn't be annoyed, OP, but I might feel bemused at their presumption that an ElCS means a planned, predictable and controlled birth.

My friend had 3 EmCS, found them reasonable experiences, but then had an ElCS and it was God-Awful in many many ways (plenty of unexpected and unpredictable things went wrong). She had thought ElCS would be much easier!

Which is to say that no birth experience is truly that controlled or predictable, but if it comforts some people to think that's what they're getting, let them get on with it. Especially if getting this far in pregnancy was so much harder for them than it is for most couples. I just hope that they can manage the unpredictability of actually being a parent, Wink.

withorwithoutyou · 07/10/2010 13:10

Yes I read what you said - just because you haven't said anything directly doesn't mean you haven't made it obvious you're judging them.

Why bother judging someone over this anyway? That's pretty sad.

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 07/10/2010 13:20

talk about reading too much into it withourwithoutyou....it is hardly like i am going "ooooh she wants a c section, i don't agree with that best not be friends with them anymore" i just found the way it came across a bit uninformed, I am over the moon for them that they are having a baby and as everyone rightly says the important thing is it arrives here safely be that by VB or CS

i am not losing sleep over this and have been interested to read everyones comments on this so don't regret starting the thread...but thanks for telling me i am pretty sad.

OP posts:
mosschops30 · 07/10/2010 13:23

YANBU to find his view a bit annoying. Send him in my direction and I can tell him my c-section horror story and they'll be begging to push it out Grin

ariane5 · 07/10/2010 13:24

riven- i had no idea that after 3 c/s you could have a vaginal birth ??? is it safe? i was told youhad to always have c/s after having had 2, my local hosp said to me they wpuldnt offer me vbac as i had had 2 c/s so had a 3rd last year.i really had no idea it could even be an option?

in ref to the original post, i think its up to every individual to choose what type of birth they want and is nobody elses business, after all every woman will choose what she thinks is safest for her baby and thats all that matters really.iam sure the medical profs involved will advise them accordingly but ultimately its their choice and i think its important for women to have that choice if they need or want it, just an extension of the birth plan really isnt it? if you can choose where and how you labour then why cant you choose c/s or normal delivery if you want to?

mosschops30 · 07/10/2010 13:26

oh and shelly I disagree very strongly with your ignorant position that major surgery should be a choice.

No it shouldnt, it should be there for those with medical or psychological problems, but not 'a choice'

ariane5 · 07/10/2010 13:36

i think in reality the majority of women would prefer a normal delivery in terms of a quicker recovery/going home soon after birth etc so although it could be a 'choice' you could safely bet that the women who wanted c/s probably have a very good reason for wanting one as it isnt the easy option by any means.

i cant see there being many who would choose it simply as a convenience option i think there would nearly always be a valid reason for a decision to have a c/s.

I have had 3 c/s, the first was emergency after i had tried for 4 days to have my much wanted natural birth but dd had foetal distress, with my 2nd i had no choice as had placenta accreta and with 3rd they told me at beginning i had no choice that they wouldnt allow vbac after 2 sections.

withorwithoutyou · 07/10/2010 13:38

I didn't say you were being sad.

I said it's pretty sad - by that, I mean, it's pretty sad that people can struggle to have a baby, finally conceive with IVF and still have friends judging them over their birth choices.

That is a bit sad, isn't it? I would be really upset if I thought my friends were thinking things like that about me after an experience like that.

Original poster
whoneedssleepanyway · 07/10/2010 13:51

as i said before i am not going to comment one way or the other on their decision, it isn't going to affect my friendship with them in anyway and i will be as supportive of them as i would have been had they had a VB, i am still entitled think that they are over-simplifying a CS that is all...

OP posts:
sarah293 · 07/10/2010 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ariane5 · 07/10/2010 15:36

I had no idea as my drs were adamant def not after 2 c/s as its risky, and all 3 of my dcs have disability (ehlers danlos syndrome-causes frequent dislocations,pain etc so c/s was a gentler way of getting them out but even so dd2 still suffered a dislocation at birth). funny how diff doctors tell you diff things though isnt it some say its ok others against it, v confusing.

i think its just up to the individual really isnt it, things can go wrong either way but you have to trust your own judgement at the time.

Lambzig · 07/10/2010 16:35

I am another who was categorized as 'precious baby' (a term I found very uncomfortable) after ttc for 10 years and finally getting pregnant on my seventh IVF. I was strongly advised by my consultant to go for ELCS and was so glad that I did. I went to NCT classes to make sure I was making an informed decision and to hear the other side. ELCs was the right choice for me and my baby.

Like some of the other posters, i wish women would respect each other's choices a bit more rather than turning motherhood into a competitive sport.

I think YABU to think that the couple are naive as in my experience people who have been through prolonged infertility usually do huge amounts of research to make sure they are making the right decisions.

Chynah · 07/10/2010 17:09

How do you know that they are 'oversimplfying' a csection and haven't done tons of research before reaching their decision? A planned ELCS on a healthy fit woman carrying a healthy full term baby is actually relitively low risk.

I think a lot of wonmen go niavely into VB without researching the damage that that can cause but noeaccuses them of 'oversimplifying' things.

withorwithoutyou · 07/10/2010 17:20

nail on the head chynah

Swipe left for the next trending thread