To Drink So Much Wine??

[humanoctopus]

I really enjoy having a drink of wine at the end of increasingly long days. Once I've go the kids homeworked, fed, bathed, storytime, etc., all asleep, dishwasher loaded, washing machine on, clothes/lunches for next day ready,quick tidy up, I have found that a glass of wine really helps me relax. Now it used to be just one glass, now its half a bottle. My bf reckons its the slippery slope. I feel slighted by this attitude. Or AIBU and should cut back?

AnyFucker :)

HumanOctopus How are you feeling this evening?

x

Hi everyone

I haven't posted in the brave babes thread either but just wanted to say I'm 4 months sober today and loving it. It's my birthday today and I'm sober.....that's like my first sober birthday since I was about 14

I identify with so much here - wine'o'clock/home alone drinking after looking after DC all day. Wine'o'clock getting earlier in the afternoon and more wine being consumed, getting up to two bottles a day, every day. Being secretive about it with DH.

I'd convinced myself I didn't have a problem and that it was all under control because I didn't drink in the morning, except I was actually in the grip of depression and anxiety and self medicating with booze - I was staying in my pj's til the early afternoon, avoiding going out other than doing the school run, I'd turn up as late as possible to avoid other mums (there were other things going on as well though, my marriage wasn't good for example, I also come from a very heavy drinking family).

So yeah, I'm powerless over alcohol - 1 drink equals a drunk each and every time. I would like to be able to moderate, but the more sober time I get under my belt, the more I don't want a drink and the more I feel confident about just not bothering with it ever again.

I look great, fresh faced and clear eyed, free from that hideous sick hungover feeling in the morning, I'm motivated, the depression and anxiety gone, I feel positive about myself, I've lost 10lbs - I look people at school in the eye in the morning knowing I don't stink of stale booze.

Took me a year from realising I had a problem, to finally stopping. I've been on a real journey of self discovery since then.

Good luck to anyone struggling out there - this site helped me more than anything mywayout.org

Wine has completely changed since the guidelines to drinking were first introduced. A bottle of NZ wine has loads alcohol than the German wine our mothers drank. It's pretty much 10 units a bottle!

I also think a bottle is a bad size for today's wine glasses as you can have 3 glasses and then have "just a bit" left over. Ironically I found a wine box was better as I could have a smaller glass or two and then was happy to leave it without the need to finish it off.

My drinking (although I do love it) depends on my circumstances. I used to drink beer before I had children. Then I really had to have wine while I worked. Now I'm at Uni with less stress and adult company I don't need it so much. Like a diet though if you give something up you because you have to it just plays on your mind. Try going to bed early with a good book/mag - feels like a naughty treat I think!

maryz - please come and 'intrude' any time you like!

i have found this thread very interesting, i think the thing is, if you can have a glass of wine when you feel like it, drink it, enjoy it and then have no more then thats just fine, why should you feel guilty?, thats 'normal' drinking - if you find that you have got to a point that you wake up feeling like shit every morning, promise yourself that today will be differant and then come 6pm you start all over again, then you have a problem!

i used to LOVE my wine, trouble is, it bloody hated me!, it wanted to ruin my life, take my family and my health, the best thing i ever did was giving it the old heave-ho! i like to picture alcohol as a kind of 'being', an entity that is out to damage me - i tell it to 'fuck the fuck right off' - so far its working!!

MIFLAW 'But FWIW quantity is purely a health issue - the real problem is one's attitude to drink and how bothered you are at the thought of going without, without warning, on an occasion when you had assumed you would be able to "enjoy" a drink?

Same test applies whether you drink daily or once in a while.

That and the Pringles test - once you've popped, CAN you stop?'

This sums up all my worries and how I relate to drink. Compared to some others here, I'm probably drinking just a fraction (about 2-3 bottles a week). But it's how I think about it. I'm constantly counting how much I've had so far this week to see if I still have a 'safe' amount of units left. Or rationalising that I haven't drunk for 3 days so can have a few glasses without it being a 'every night' problem. I too am determined to at least get it down to 1 bottle a week and hopefully to know when I've had enough at social functions (I can be a greedy bitch!).

Hello, another of the 'Babes' here and I could have written almost every word that thenamehaschanged has just posted.

It has taken me a long time from being in the place that scanty describes (not drinking heavily in comparison to many others, but knowing that I'm thinking about it far too much), all the way through gradually drinking more, and drinking more often, and drinking earlier in the day (mostly while pretending it wasn't a problem because I still function, hold down a job, haven't lost my licence), through gradual and reluctant acknowledgement that I DO have a problem, to my current situation where at the moment I am not drinking (and I haven't for a few months). This long path has been via several episodes of not drinking / controlling my drinking and thinking I was 'cured' and was a normal drinker, only to discover that I still think more about booze than most others - planning when I could next get smashed, being totally 100% aware of whether my dp had a drop of wine more than me from a shared bottle....

Some of you (and I really hope many of you) may not have the same problem as I do. You may have got into a habit which needs to change, but you may not be an alcoholic. That does not mean it will necessarily be easy to change your habit, but stick with it and in about 3 weeks time you may find you are starting to have new and better habits. On the other hand, if like some of us on the Brave Babes threads you find that you drinking has got more serious, then thank your lucky stars that you've had a wake up call now, anad think seriously about getting some support (here or wherever). It really is worth it.

And another thing...

so many people find there is a strong link between alcohol, insomnia and depression.

Feeling a bit stressed and wound up - have a drink. Have too much to drink - don't really sleep well (not that proper deep restorative sleep). Not enough sleep - feel overwhelmed and stressed. Feel overwhelmed and stressed - have another drink.... etc.

If all those things are happening to you, then cutting down on your drinking may be one of the keys to improving things.

Good luck everyone.

Really interesting thread...I must admit I haven't read every single post but get the main gist.

thanamehaschanged Well done; what a fantastic achievement!

I identify with so much of what has been said by many posters who are worried about their drinking.

I like to binge drink. Any excuse (weddings, hen nights, parties etc..) and I will usually get properly pissed at such an event. This summer has been a total whirl of boozy events. I told myself that, come September, there wouldn't be so many social events and I would be able to cut down on my units. Hasn't really happened yet, obviously. There are more events on the calendar in the run-up to Christmas and I am finding excuses to drink during the week. That usually equates to 4/5 nights a week; a bottle of wine each time. (So...about 40-50 units a week?)

I find I am thinking about alcohol quite a lot (will I/won't I drink tonight? When is the next piss-up?)

There are all sorts of reasons why I want to stop/cut back (haven't decided which yet but I think stopping completely might be my only option) but the main one at the moment is to lose weight. I am not fat but larger than I want to be. I'm exercising loads and eating mostly the right things. I can only conclude that it's the wine that's responsible for the stone I've gained in the last 6 months.

I've always had a vice of some sort, that's the trouble.
I wasn't drinking any alcohol at all until Spring this year. But that's because I had another vice I was abusing. Don't want to go back to that one because, although it didn't make me put on weight, it was really bad for my health.

If I stop drinking, I know I will attempt to replace it with something else. Just hope it'll be reading or cross-stitch or something that's not going to be bad for me!

"If I stop drinking, I know I will attempt to replace it with something else. Just hope it'll be reading or cross-stitch or something that's not going to be bad for me!"

You seem to forget that you have a choice about what it is.

Well, you do and you don't. If you inject heroin, for example, you are likely not to have a choice for very long and soon you will be compelled to take it.

But, assuming you are not currently physically dependent on heroin, the only way you are going to BECOME physically dependent is if you go out, obtain some heroin, cook it, put it in a syringe and inject it into your vein.

If you can stop drinking, you will be back in that position of choice again. Then you won't have to "hope" about your next vice - you can choose it (or even choose not to have one!)

Offlin-I am so similar to your situation. I eat well, cycle to and from work every day but I am about a stone and a half over my ideal weight. I know in my heart of hearts it's due to drinking wine and I know its packed with calories but it seems to be the one weakness I can't sort out! It gets to 5/6 pm, finish work and I really look forward to a glass of wine. I keep trying to think of ways to cut back-a new dress at the end of a non-drinking week, a massage if I don't drink for a week etc but I just can't do it!

You're right MIFLAW.

I'd like to think I can choose not to have a vice. But there hasn't been a time in the last 14 years when I haven't had one.

Alcohol
Drugs
Food

It's usually one of those three. Not having a crutch seems really alien to me. I'm sort of empty and looking for something to fill the void.

I'd like to fill the void with things that are good for me, I really would, but I'm not all that confident given that I've not managed to do that for (almost) half my life.

Hmmmm. Anyone else got a void? How do you deal with it? Try and fill it or move past it without falling in?

Hammy; I know what you mean...it's one thing thinking about being thinner and wanting it but another thing altogether to make that choice not to pour yourself a glass of wine.

I had a massive void.

I go to AA and that is a huge help.

Olifin

How did you cope throughout your childhood? Presumably you weren't using coke or alcohol when you were 10?

Of course not MIFLAW :) I had a lovely childhood; didn't have a void then.

I might try AA, thanks. Is it a Christian organisation?

The reponses here have given me so much to think about. I decided to stay sober last night, but found a 'bit' of wine in the fridge. I felt physically sick half way through the glass (could have been off?), so I threw it down the sink. I am so annoyed with myself that I couldn't just resist it.

I don't mean to cut in on some very important conversations here, but I have a tip for the 'don't have a drinking problem but need to watch my units' drinkers out there like me.

I saw my GP about something unconnected and when I said I have 40 units a week - 4 bottles of wine a week - he was shocked!! So I've just been cutting down.

It sounds silly but drink from or buy small wine glasses and buy a half bottle. It feels just like you're having the whole bottle and you don't get the hangover!

Hi again everyone

For me ultimately drinking caused the void not filled it. It was working out my trigger time which was 4 - 5pm, and being prepared for it in the first couple of weeks of getting sober. Breathing through a craving (and I had strong cravings at the start), best to look up at the sky and take a deep breath and exhale and think about why you're stopping drinking, that always got rid of a craving for me, having something to snack on maybe or definitely having a nice tonic water with ice, or a tea and making sure I had something to look forward to after the kids had gone to bed (usually a nice long bath) or something nice for dinner.

I took enjoyment in looking better and feeling healthy, I had a magazine with me at the kids bathtime (instead of a glass of red!) I started to take an interest in my previously neglected appearance.

I also kept telling myself very firmly that I wasn't missing out on anything by not having a drink, that drinking just makes everything worse not better and that I had to change and didn't have a choice.

4 months on and I still have my 2 slimline tonics every night but that's it as far as crutches go I think - oh, maybe I could pull back on the coffee consumption a bit in the morning but I think I'm doing ok. I've also got through a couple of mild social events recently, although I did back out of a wedding reception last week as I didn't feel strong enough for that yet.

Other void filling activities could be getting into an evening class, exercise group (I want to take up netball), having some sort of goal, film buffing, cooking, dark chocolate which isn't as fattening, getting spiritual too, I'm not a religious person but I've taken a real interest in soul searching and positive thinking....

It's all better than where I was when I was drinking. And I NEVER believed I would be someone that would just stop. I mean my entire family and friends and husband drink. But the self discipline and determination I have gained surprised me each and every time, I'm changing - as someone said it's more than just the physical act of stopping drinking - you go on a journey of self discovery, uncovering parts of you you'd been hiding or just didn't know were there.

Hi everyone
I went for many years feeling any control I had over alcohol gradually slipping away from me. Scaring myself with calorie content, thoughts of my liver or brain cells, understanding how much I was damaging my relationships, etc, etc, only made it worse. For me the only thing that really did work - and fingers crossed, it's been a few months now without - was understanding how, although alcohol added nothing to my life, society is full of forces telling me it did. I'm almost ashamed to tell you what did it - and believe me I would not be sharing this with you except for a real sense of connection with Jareth in particular - was the Allen Carr book. Just reading the reviews on Amazon had me halfway there but I did get the book and it was a wonder.
If it doesn't work for you, ok. Alcohol soooo doesn't work for me - and the book did.
Good luck everyone who is suffering x

can someone remind me where the "other" thread is - the brave babes one?
i wasn't going to drink tonight and have just finished a bottle

Hello dementedma the thread you're looking for is here come on over for a chat...

Olifin

AA is absolutely NOT a Christian organisation. It is true that it was founded by Christians - but that's because it was founded in America in 1935, where everyone who wasn't a Christian was Jewish and Captain Hook could count the atheists on the fingers of one hand. It DOES espouse a spiritual line and I am not going to bore everyone by going into the difference between spiritual and religious (unless anyone wants me to) - but I can promise you that I am a committed agnostic and have not found this to cause any problem in my membership of AA for 8 years and my continued sobriety for 7.

Olifin - if you didn't have this void as a child and you do now, can I ask where you think it came from? If it really wasn't there in your childhood, then is it too far outside the box to suggest that, far from filling the void, alcohol and other drugs have created it and made it bigger?

"(could have been off?)"

No offence, but you really don't sound the sort of drinker who leaves wine long enough to go off.