To Drink So Much Wine??

[humanoctopus]

I really enjoy having a drink of wine at the end of increasingly long days. Once I've go the kids homeworked, fed, bathed, storytime, etc., all asleep, dishwasher loaded, washing machine on, clothes/lunches for next day ready,quick tidy up, I have found that a glass of wine really helps me relax. Now it used to be just one glass, now its half a bottle. My bf reckons its the slippery slope. I feel slighted by this attitude. Or AIBU and should cut back?

ChippingIn: Changing the 'reward' has always been in my mind. it used to be a lovely bubble bath, now that doesn't tempt me? And getting out of the house isn't an available option for the near future (but not forever!!!). I'd love suggestions on alternatives for my reward. Readers - please don't shoot me for seeking something to tide me over the exhausted days, I hope it won't last forever, but right now I need something....

I'm sorry jareth and humanoctopuss - I really didn't intend to hurt anyones feelings..
I've never discussed it with my mum because I was too scared to provoke anything with her recovery.

For what it's worth, my mum still goes to the aa and believe me she is NOT a group talk person, she's very shy and doesn't talk about feelings much at all. But it was part of her recovery 'plan' so I guess it did work for her even though she is not a wishywashy person at all.

I'm not too clued up about exactly what they gave her, but at the hospital they gave her drugs the first week to help get the alcohol out of her system and relieve withdrawal.
This is why I love mumsnet sometimes, I could never speak about this in real life

Jareth; I don't know why you would be afraid of SS involvement through contact with the GP. Why would the GP contact SS? Surely seeking help for your concerns would be a sign of a good parental intentions, ie , looking for help when needed? And your GP should support you on this one, you really deserve this and its the role of the GP. It wouldn't warrant SS involvement, surely, unless things are way out of control in your home? No matter what, lets find a way... big hugs to you.

Humanoctopuss - my guilty pleasure is trashy magazies like love it! And pick me up and a can of diet coke I I buy one nearly everyday.

Jareth- my family weren't bothered by social services, my mum got varying help from the doctor for almost 6 months and SS didn't get involved

Jareth, my friend has a similar problem. She's worried that if she tells her doctor about the drinking and it goes on her file, then her bosses and work colleagues will be able to acess it (she works in the NHS), to say nothing of the receptionists whom she knowns. She's worried everyone will find out and it will threaten her job to say nothing of the humilation. She feels trapped but desperately needs help with the depression before she has a fully fledged breakdown.

That's awful scanty, can she not afford private care/consultation?
I know it's expensive but in th long run..

She can't afford it herself, they are already struggling finacially. Wonder how much it would cost to see a private doctor.

Hedge, I love the thrashy magazines I have many! Thankyou so much for posting, hurting my kids is my greatest anxiety. I did speak to my GP some time ago, but no solution. I fear she was equally glued to the wine resolution to a heavy day. I don't share the SS worry, maybe I'm out of touch with reality! But I do work in a field that leads me to be secretative about my private life. Another stress/excuse. By the way, I get absolutely frightful palpitations from coke/caffeine products!!!

Jareth, you said, "I won't do AA - not for me. I need to find ti within myself. If I rely on someone else I'll just slip later on. "

That's like saying I won't go to an ante-natal class or an NCT group or any kind of situation where other people help you. You don't 'rely' on someone else in AA. No one at all can control your drinking. AA teaches you about alcoholism and gives you support in your journey to sobriety. Are you really shying away from AA because you don't want to stop?

HumanOctopus - how are you sleeping?

Other rewards....

What else (non alcoholic) do you like to drink? Is there anything you love but don't generally treat/allow yourself? Fresh OJ, pressed apple juice, redbull....

Magazines/books

Chocolate (other food)

'Permission' to just sit down with your feet up

Massage from DH?

Jareth - I'm not sure why you are worried about your GP involving SS, why would they when you are going there for help, not turning up there with gangrene due to alcohol consumption?? Have you seen the thread by the MN'ers trying to give up alcohol? They're a lovely bunch :)

Chipping, what forum is this thread on? My friend desperately needs help.

ChippingIn: My sleep is not ok. Its little and of poor quality. The kids sleep very well (8pm to 7am, lucky sods!) I tend to have difficulty dropping off and then wake at 2, 3, 4am etc. Its been that way for most of my life, but nowadays, I am busier, so my life conspires against me having a good nights sleep. Its like my brain just won't switch off. All my worries jump out at me and keep me awake. I eat very well by day but then don't feel drawn to eating at night, so I envy my friends who say that they gain weight because they eat at night. At least they have something to do :(

Humanoctopuss - In my mums case we were never neglected (I'm lucky to have a wonderful dad too) but being at home was very uncomfertable so I semi-moved in with a boyfriend who was very emotionally abusive and ended up in between a rock and a hard place really.
Now, my sisters are very very protective/possessive of her and over do it a touch. Both of them drink, the older one a little too much in my honest opinion, I have terrible feelings that she will join wine o clock club when she has children. My brother is very very happy and all of us have succeeded in life with education and relationships wise.
I discovered somethig in myself at that time, I learnt to completely shut down my feelings, total stonewall.
I'm sure it's not healthy, I was hospitalised with stress two years ago.
In the past three weeks I have lost my job, along with it my phd and found out Saturday that I have PCOS .
I punched my crockery cupboard and since have managed to shut down again, I can do it to friends, boyfriends, anyone really.

I'm sorry if I'm not being any help, I'm not sure how to tbh but hopefully it might hold you back a bit/give you a boot up the arse!

OMG, hedgeblunder, the stonewalling describes me so well. I have cut people out at will, usually for reasons only I will understand. My homelife wasn't very happy and I know now that I learned that ability to shut down/out from an early age! It makes me feel so lonely, and forces me to not be vunerable in the eyes of others (great having MN!) I feel a bit dazzeled now and appreciative of the arse booting, but don't know what to do:? Go to an open AA meeting? Even if I don't have a glass of wine tomorrow night after 9pm, I'll still be thinking of it? Thanks for the input. So sorry to read your story of the past three weeks.

Hello :) Just dropping in (having been reading thread all evening) as I've finished all my wine I'm an alcoholic. I manage my drinking, which AA says is impossible but my therapist says isn't. However, I'd probably be downing 5 bottles of wine a day by now, if it weren't for rehab and AA. I stopped for 8 months and really, really worked at my recovery.

To those of you who are worrying about your drinking, I'd recommend leaving alcohol out of your life for a few weeks. If the very thought fills you with horror - or, worse, you honsestly can't do it - then please do get yourself to a couple of AA meetings. Decide "it's not for you" after you've given it a fair shot, not before!

Government guidelines are all well and good. Better than none, probably. But metabolism varies widely between people. There are genetic reasons (Asians don't metabolise alcohol well, for example) plus things like your fat/muscle ratio, hormones, rates of oxygenation and a bunch of other stuff. I'm lucky (?) that I metabolise alcohol very well - I have that on medical authority! Others don't. It's obviously best not to have to find this out, but I do think you know, deep down, whether it's hurting you or not.

Sorry for lowering the tone of the thread!!! As you were ... anybody got a bottle of red?

humanoctopus - can we have a no alcohol pact tomorrow? perhaps get some lovely brie and crackers and some elderflower juice (drunk me is trying not to scorn sensible self )

waddayasay?

Oh. Drinking in the evening makes you wake up at 3am. Bummer, innit?

Here's a link to the getting sober thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1050908-The-Brave-Babes-Battle-Bus-Carry-On-Past-The-Brewery

not up for the group thing, but thank you x

Thanks, ItsGraceAgain. I am curious how you reconciled AA and drinking now? I thought it was one or the other???
Love your suggestion Jareth, and wine filled me thinks its achieveable, but I'm not optimistic

Yes, wine-filled me (oh look, I'm hyphenating properly) has good intentions, but fails at the last hurdle (it's 6pm and I'm in the shop, so better get a bottle of wine/10 beers)

Humanoctopuss - isn't that odd! I've never met anyone like me in a stonewalling sense. I understand what you mean about 'reasons only you can understand' mine is when they've let me down/breached my (very strict!) trust rules) even relatively silly things- agirl I was best friends with blew me off twice to see her boyfriend, and that was it, contact stopped immediately, she's pregnant now and tbh I don't give a shit, which is very wrong.
I get very lonely too, I have a great dp and friend I email (she lives abroad) and alias of 'friends' that I would never talk like this to because I don't trust them.
I think with our personalities we do need an outlet, I discovered baking a while ago - it's not for everyone buy I find the satisfaction I get when I finish rewarding!
I'm also mad on buying ebooks, usually very low brow things that wouldn't make it through the mumsnet pearly gates (ahem confessions of a shopaholic )
oooh as well, boxsets of tv series-madmen is my box set du jour!

I think you should try an aa class, maybe you will. Be suprised by how many yummy mummys there are there, most alcoholics function very normally indeed, and are also very clever people, so don't get nightmares about sitting with horrible smelly tramp types.

Do you know where your nearest is?

Jareth-what about speaking to the samaritans? you could be completely anonymous and still have encouragement when the willpower is running low?

I know there are AA meetings near me. I WON'T go though. Hate the very thought, so americanised.

The lovely woman I spoke to said there was a 1-on-1 counsellor service near me, with a short wait. Perfect for me and I will be investigating.