Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my wife to return to work?

329 replies

Christhebear · 04/10/2010 21:14

My wife and I have been married for 8 years. Our son was born in January this year. We waited a while before conceiving as we wanted to travel and basically have a good time before we had children.

My wife is an accountant and I am a senior partner in a large company. We both have extremely stressful and demanding jobs. My wife announced to me that she wants to resign as she finds her job extremely stressful and wants to stay at home to look after our son.

This is causing massive arguments because to continue the lifestyle we have we need two incomes. My wife is basically not the person I thought she was. She spends most of the day either shouting at me or crying, never does any cleaning, rarely cooks and basically devotes all her attention to our son. I have found a very good nursery for him but every time I bring it up she melts down and starts crying. She says that she doesn't need things anymore and is quite happy to just be a mother. I am not happy with this as I enjoy the finer things in life which I work bloody hard for and I am entitled to.

I don't know what to do anymore and I am contemplating an affair as our sex life is non existent. She is also breastfeeding which I think is impacting on her mental health as our son seems to be always on the breast.

Any advice from the female aspect would be appreciated.

Thank you.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/10/2010 23:10

get in line, LB

LadyBiscuit · 04/10/2010 23:13

Sloppy seconds as ever :(

Tiredmumno1 · 04/10/2010 23:13

Oh scottishmummy, you let me down, murder she wrote is more exciting

Grin
AnyFucker · 04/10/2010 23:14

< inbox empty >

< sadly removes my Katie Price basque and sussies >

Tiredmumno1 · 04/10/2010 23:15

You got any messages yet fucker Grin

Tiredmumno1 · 04/10/2010 23:15

Whoops xpost lol

AnyFucker · 04/10/2010 23:17

TM, you got any use for a slightly stained Katie price basque in sugar pink ?

I am hanging up my stirrups for good

Tiredmumno1 · 04/10/2010 23:21

Wow fucker yeah, i would give it a go lol, the pink swayed me Grin

AnyFucker · 04/10/2010 23:24

I will mail it to you

along with my wounded pride Sad

Tiredmumno1 · 04/10/2010 23:27

Well i have a few ideas of what to do with the basque, which will make dh very happy Grin

as for the wounded pride, Hmm not to sure what to do with that yet Grin

AnyFucker · 04/10/2010 23:31

I tried to get the stains out, TM, but they are very stubborn

Tiredmumno1 · 04/10/2010 23:43

Thats alright AF, i have a few stain removers here.

i take it, its well used then Grin

AnyFucker · 04/10/2010 23:44

no, I use it to clean the kitchen floor

mumeeee · 04/10/2010 23:47

YABU. You have a baby now so your life will be different from before you had him.Your child comes first. Stop moaning about the cleaning and cooking and start helping your wife.

Tiredmumno1 · 04/10/2010 23:49

Oh AF, that is nasty lol,

right i must remember we are not on the bench Grin

IMoveTheStars · 05/10/2010 00:35

FFS

I initially thuought this was a troll (and reported it to MN rather than bleating about it on the thread),but not sure any more. Surely it doesn't really matter if there is useful advice offered? Some of you are beyond rude Angry

Stop being such bastards and either offer advice or ignore the thread. Honestly Hmm

SpeedyGonzalez · 05/10/2010 01:20

Wow. Have only read first and last pages of this thread, but wow.

Apparently you've received good advice, Chris (troll or not).

In case nobody's mentioned it, when you have children your life changes and will never be the same again. Which is both very hard, and bloody brilliant. However, one important consideration is that being prepared to change the "lifestyle to which you're accustomed" in order to benefit your family life is a very good thing. In other words, don't hang on to shallow material things in place of family harmony. It's only stuff, after all. No pockets in a shroud and all that.

Frankly, from your OP it sounds like you're loaded (i.e. your family has a lot of financial wiggle-room) so you'd be an idiot not to make the most of it. And your kids won't thank you for working all the hours that God sends and not being around for them. And you'll be wracked with guilt in later life, and realise that saying "But at least I gave them Nintendos" just doesn't cut it in the Daddy stakes.

I met such a family recently. Minted, dad constantly away on business, then ignores kids except when they annoy him. The son. My goodness, the son. Only 6, and such a mess. Poor child. Sad Is that the family life you're gunning for?

You'd be surprised at how many sacrifices even a non-minted family can make and still be happy. So get creative.

Rindy · 05/10/2010 01:36

If you are for real i think your wife should kick you out and never have to look at your selfish, greedy face again...

prozacfairy · 05/10/2010 06:51

Assuming you are real (and if you are dear god, why on earth post in AIBU?) can I ask why you thought your life wouldn't change even if your missus went back to work and you were rolling in it? Hmm

Ofcourse things have changed. Motherhood is knackering, especially when you have one demanding baby on and off the breast all day long and the other, overgrown baby comes in from work, refuses to help even a tiny bit, and instead sulks coz he isn't getting laid.

My advice is the same as many others. Treat your wife with more respect, sit down and discuss this whole thing properly instead of demanding she goes back to work to pay for your holidays. You know, the ones you want that she doesn't. Also if the house is a bit of a tip when you get in, couldn't you just load the dishwasher? pick up the toys on the floor? Fold the laundry and put it away? Instead of moaning about it.

One more thing: make sure you keep your wife and especially your son sweet. It's your son who'll be picking out your nursing home in years to come. HTH.

Whitethorn · 05/10/2010 11:06

Chris
I hate this awful troll hunting this so if you are real I would think about the following.

  1. If your wife stays home then you will have less of the pick ups, drop offs etc to do so your life might actualy be a bit easier than if she went back to work.
  1. You now come after the baby in the pecking order, you will gradually move up but for the moment helpless baby trumps grown man.
  1. She is probably really tired if the baby is constantly feeding and perhaps this needs to be addressed - at 8 months that is imo not ideal (you will get plenty of contrary opinions re. this)
  1. Maybe your wife is upset because you are pushing so hard against her. Could you not live with her at least taking a year off and see how it goes?
  1. You dont realise how lucky yuo are to be in the opsition where you can maintain a lifestyle and still have yuor child cared for at home. I would agree that if you decide that your wife is going to be a SAHM, then you both need to loosely agree areas of responsibilty that you are both comfortable with.
Feelingsensitive · 05/10/2010 11:17

You need to try harder than that. Be off with you back to Troll School. You have failed to graduate.

scottishmummy · 05/10/2010 11:22

troll hunters are worse than any alleged trolls. hectoring and name calling,wetting themselves to see who can shout troll first.

posters can respond to any post regardless if someone is shouting troll from sidelines.and certainly troll accusations doesnt deter me posting

im always bemused at troll hunters,do they think it is a competition who shouted troll,who searched archives.oh well done,you have saved the mn community.hurah what a triumph

there have been some devious and nasty trolls on mn make no mistake.but again the vast majority of posts are harmless.and dont require to be censured or moderated.

LadyBiscuit · 05/10/2010 11:25

Did you not find the OP offensive sm? I wouldn't have pulled him up on getting his terminology wrong if the OP hadn't deliberately been written with the intention to inflame. But maybe taking someone seriously takes the wind out of the sails of most trolls, it's possible.

scottishmummy · 05/10/2010 11:27

mn is a myriad of funny/bad/weird/good posts none of which i shout troll at.if i dont likey i dont particiapte - simple as that

AnyFucker · 05/10/2010 11:30

scttishmummy, you are quickly turning into a troll-hunting troll

you are becoming a wee parody of yourself Smile

btw, I didn't think he was a troll

an utter fuckwit, yes

but the true definition of a troll ? Who cares ? But I will call fuckwittery when I see it