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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my son the truth?

248 replies

MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:32

Evening ladies,
Here is my predicament. I know most of you go ott about christmas, however, as born again Christians my dh and I don't want to tell our son about father Christmas, a) because it's lying and b) because we think Christmas is an important celebration in itself.
My mother, also a born again Christian, has said that it isn't fair and I should lead my son down the father Christmas path.
We obviously exchange gifts, but we also sacrifice something to the relevant place (eg a console to the childrens' wing of the hospital etc) and we sacrifice something of use to us that we could do without and someone else can benefit from. My son is only 8 months old but I am seriously considering home schooling, so it's not as if he can "ruin" it for the other children...but I don't feel comfortable with lying about something that is so important to us (this is in no way criticising those of you that do).

OP posts:
meadowlarks · 03/10/2010 21:51

I find it really quite amusing that anyone here believes they can say with authority whether Jesus existed or not. And it's quite beside the point, for that matter.

OP - Clearly Christmas will always be a special time for you and your family whether you included FC in it or not. Personally, I see no harm in letting your DC believe in him, as it is one of the great joys of christmas at that age. That doesn't have to be at the expense of your religion, however; you might even blend the two together - e.g you could say Father Christmas was inspired by Jesus to bring happiness to all, just as Christians should try to live their lives to serve others.

HTH.

veritythebrave · 03/10/2010 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Imisssleeping · 03/10/2010 21:57

newwave
doesn't look like your going to get on the good list !
You know that list that I'm on.

Olifin · 03/10/2010 21:59

Thanks JeezyPeeps That is good to hear :)

Timeforabiscuit · 03/10/2010 21:59

Speaking from the otherside, brought up with FC being make beleive same as toothfairy and don't get started on trick or treating.

I can appreciate why you don't want to lie to your children, it's one of those areas where one persons bit of fun steps on anothers ideology and core belief. If you don't believe or are enthusiastic about the pagentry then your kids will see through it all in two seconds, and if thats the case why bother.

newwave · 03/10/2010 22:01

Imisssleeping, "tart" I suspect it wont be just your chimney he is coming down :o

Was you the reason for the delay last year

IAmFatherChristmas · 03/10/2010 22:01

Now, Imisssleeping, if I can't quite manage the Vac, would a dustpan and brush be ok?

Imisssleeping · 03/10/2010 22:04

Of course IAFC aslong as I get the usual extras !

newwave · 03/10/2010 22:08

I suspect your present "does not include batteries" but probably needs them :)

piscesmoon · 03/10/2010 22:20

'whats so bad about the truth though??...Your parents saved and worked all year to buy you gifts you wanted because they love you and want to see the smile on your face and excitement in your eyes!!..This is a time everyone can come together and we can enjoy each others company..no need for FC..

I am so glad that my parents were not so worthy and they gave me the magic! Perhaps if you haven't had it yourself then you can't understand the difference. Everyone needs magic in their lives.
All the talk of lying is rubbish IMO. The girl next door told me the truth, in quite brutal terms, when I was 6 yrs. I didn't believe her so I decided to stay awake and find out (easy to do because the excitement level made sleep difficult)I pretended to be asleep and found that she was speaking the truth. I could quite see why my parents had done it, and I kept the magic for my younger brothers until they stopped believing.

My DCs were very pleased to be given the magic and they were very good at continuing it for younger DCs.

piscesmoon · 03/10/2010 22:22

Had Harry Potter been around when I was young and my parents had banned it -I would have read it in secret. Some parents seem to think that DCs have no gumption or guile!

poshsinglemum · 03/10/2010 22:33

These lies make childhood special imo.
Ok- it's gutting to realise that they aren't real but my childhood would have been duller without them.
I'm glad I remember that I couldn't sleep for the excitement of listening out for Santa's sleigh and I am thankful that my parents created that magic for me. YABU.

piscesmoon · 03/10/2010 22:36

If my DSs have children and don't give them FC then I will think myself a failure as a parent! I can't imagine that they wouldn't carry on such a lovely tradition.

poshsinglemum · 03/10/2010 22:38

I think that the tooth fairy, faries in general, elves, fc, the gruffalo, the easter bunny, guardian angels, and Hogwarts etc should be wholeheartedly encouraged in childhood. Who cares if it's a load of mumbo jumbo.

I don't want dd to know about the wieghty issues of the real world until she's had the magic.

piscesmoon · 03/10/2010 22:40

I think that if you have been given the magic it makes you a much stronger person more able to deal with the the unpleasant issues that are thrown your way when you are older. No one can take away those memories.

BrightLightBrightLight · 03/10/2010 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rachelkarengreene · 03/10/2010 22:51

oh my god, do you mean Father Christmas isn't real....Shock

DinahRod · 03/10/2010 22:52

Aslan and Father Christmas were both in Narnia...

TallOrder · 03/10/2010 22:57

If you have chosen a set of beliefs for your life and have faith in teachings etc then you will most likely include these in your daily life and how you bring up your children. Like wise if you have no faith.
For MuddlePuddle, she is doing this whether others agree with her or not and so her question about doing FC with her ds sits within her life as a Christian.
There are lots of Christians who do and don't do FC. There are people of faith and non faith who do and don't do FC.

MuddlePuddle, I had the same reservations as you when my ds was of a similar age and I couldn't form what it was in my head clearly enough to communicate it to others without sounding like I was judging other peoples' choices. I do not have a problem with anyone, whether Christian or not, doing the Father Christmas thing. Whilst reading a book called Serve God, Save the Planet by J.Matthew Sleeth I read a chapter where he discusses this dilemma. It was very helpful.

We try to keep Christmas as simple as possible. We tell the dc the story of St Nicholas so they undertsand where the FC story comes from. We tell them the Nativity Story and why Christmas is important. We tell them that some people believe that FC is real, in the same way that some people have different faiths. They have not missed out on any of the magic and still have presents. They are still incredibly excited the night before and know that family members have given them presents. They know that it is the day that we celebrate Jesus' Birthday. We have not sat them down and had a big discussion about how FC is made up, we just do things differently. It is all they know.

We have received raised eyebrows when we have told people but I try to make sure people understand that it is just something we have chosen to not include.

I suppose it is just the same for those of you who do not believe in God or Jesus, in that if your dc asked about Jesus, you might tell them that some people believe and others don't. You might even say that you don't. However, you might say you think it is silly and a load of nonsense. Your children might go into school and tell children who do believe in God that it is silly and God is not real.

I hope that my dc will respect what others believe and I hope that others will respect what me and my dc may now or in the future believe.

IAmFatherChristmas · 03/10/2010 22:58

Ahem, ^

Please do pay attention rachelkarengreene

rachelkarengreene · 03/10/2010 23:03

Thank God, if He does indeed exist. I see He hasn't posted yet...

DitaVonCheese · 03/10/2010 23:06

YANBU. I don't feel comfortable lying to DD about this either, but posted similar (minus the religion bit, that's not it for me) last year and got much the same response as you. We knew FC wasn't real from a very early age but still wrote him letters, left out mince pies etc for many years, probably longer than most kids who believed in it and then found out it wasn't true. I also believed completely in witches and ghosts and spent many happy hours ghost-hunting and trying to perform spells, so it clearly didn't kill my imagination or sense of magic.

There is a difference imo between reading your DC fairy stories and going out of your way to make them believe that those stories are true. That's where I have a problem with it. Apparently I'm over thinking it though Hmm

newwave · 03/10/2010 23:10

Tallorder, will you also tell your children their is absolutely no proof in the existence of God, that the bible is full of contridictions and the Earth was not formed in seven days

IAmFatherChristmas · 03/10/2010 23:17

Indeed rachel, I'm not sure He is computer literate, TBH.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 03/10/2010 23:23

I think Christmas is crap anyway! A commercialised mish mash of religion and folklore. Jesus if he existed, was not born in December. December is the time of the pagan festival of Yule. Nowadays, it's all about money. I've had religion forced upon me over the years, and yes, these stories are very interesting, and I like to hear them, but the same goes for the pagan stories as well. People need to work out one way or the other what it is that they are celebrating, and stop bankrupting themselves to keep up with each other!