I am so sorry that this thread has turned out this way.
I would like to say a couple of things if I may?
It has been touched on on here and on SS's blog that bereaved mothers are somehow not welcome across MN. I don't mean not welcome really and I know that the bereaved mothers of MN don't feel that way in general, I mean that you have seem the awkward silences and read the bumbling comments, that you occupy the space between the crashing reality of bereavement and the occasional uncomfortable silence of a larger board when confronted by it. But I wanted to say that I love to hear about your children. I don't read the bereavement threads as I have no need to but I see you all across MN and I read about your children as you mention them. I know about Shabba's wonderful boys (the phrase 'grabbing life by its balls' seems to ring a bell!) and MrsDeVere's beautiful dd and Caz's little baby Belle and lots of other beautiful children. Sometimes I think of them outside of MN, when I hear about gutsy little boys who ride their bikes with joy or beautiful teenage girls who are the apple of their mother's eye. I think of your children. And I welcome you talking about them. I don't want to belong to a Mumsnet that isn't made up of such a beautiful and sometimes heartbreaking fabric of lives.
Threads like this grow into monsters. They seem to take on a life. They seem to imply things about the status of a bereaved mother, about her place on the board and how she is treated. And I know that there are pockets of unimaginable nastiness and thoughtless, damaging comments that cut deep. But the rest of us, the overwhelming majority of us are not like that. And people speculate on these threads and they think out loud and it's crass yes but I hope borne of confusion and shock for the large part. Sadly, I think people want to understand something they can't.
MNHQ have a troll policy and it brings them a lot of grief and a lot of work. I think they have to adhere to it and they have done. If I know Justine et al (and of course I don't really but I know they have integrity), then their dialogue with Sassy and with anybody else on here will be open. They will strive to find the truth of any given situation. Of course Sassy doesn't have to talk to them and why should she? But I do think MNHQ are doing their level best to protect MN and its users.
And in this statement I make no reference to Sassy: It's a disgusting and inescapable fact of the Internet that there are emotionally vampyric trolls and on this parenting website and a hundred others that has its bereaved parents, the two things can and have come together in a despicable way. It has happened historically. It will happen again. I have never found an answer to it, no matter how much it happens. And MNHQ's refrain that all we can do is guard how much we give or ourselves is about the sum of it. That there are people willing to give themselves over to helping others time and time again is a wonderful thing and I don't think it's exaggerating to say that it has saved people's sanities, if not their lives. And it's brilliant. It is terrible that for the thousand honest and lovely genuine posters, there will one with other motives. We can't police them, hunt them, understand them or prevent them. I only hope to God that the women from those bereaved threads don't feel isolated and alienated because of it. I know nothing of losing a child but I understand that you're already isolated and alienated by grief that only those going through it can understand. Please don't ever feel that it isolates you or separates you from MN as a whole.