to think that it's the people with the most help with their kids seem to be the ones who struggle the most with them

[peterpiperpicked]

Ok,

Firstly, yes, you're all going to flame me. Yes, round of applause to me for managing two kids on my own with absolutely no family help or childcare, blah de blah de blah.

But, I'm just wondering if anyone else has noticed that the people who seem to really struggle with bringing up small children (I mean babies and pre-schoolers) and moan about it loads and just give off a general air of not coping without tons of help are the people who have people to help them all the time?

I know loads of people with their Mum plus extended family round the corner to help out all the time and they are the self-same people who would also have a nervous breakdown at the thought of popping along to Sainsburys with a couple of kids in tow.

Then there are the rest of us who just get on with it and know that it's really not so bad and you don't need your hand holding through all of it.

So, yes flame away, I have namechanged for the occsaion. Even drop in a few platitudes about how I sound charming and it takes a village to raise a child. But seriously, aren't some people a bit crap to not be able to bring their own children up?

yanbu!!

YABU - thats a bit of a generalisation. Some people are just more moany and dramatic than others.

Maybe if they did not have help they would get on with it and learn to cope alone but cos they have the help they rely on it too much?
I do see what you mean, but maybe some of them have pnd or some other kind of circumstances??

I live a few hours away from my parents, but i do have my partner living with me, and i've been struggling to adjust to life with a newborn - glad you think i'm crap. Thanks for that.

God yeah! YADNBU..

Yep Firawla, I agree that I think they think that they can't cope without help, when in fact they probably could if they tried.

PND aside, I mean. BUt this is typical of everyuone I know with lots of family help. So maybe family help is a contributory factor to PND?

YABU I have quite a bit of help from local mum and MIL but I'm quite happy looking after DS on my own. I know how lucky I am and don't moan about it, I see plenty of people who have no help moaning at playgroups.

But don't let reality get in the way of any sweeping generalisations if you don't want it to.

yanbu
both my sil's do it, yet they have always had help

Pootles, apols, I don't mean no partner. I'm not a single parent, neither are any of the people I'm talking aobut. I mean people with extended family on tap.

I know a sahm with an au pair, a cleaner and a gardener who still says she can't cope, doesnt know how I get the dcs out of the house in the morning without an au pair etc...

YANBU - most parents are rubbish = most children are vile.

The sooner we stop paying people to have children, the sooner we can reserve parenthood for those that can actually properly take on its responsibilities.

wondersnuffles, good, I'm glad to hear you're not a wet blanket about these things.

You should hear my acquaintance "wah wah, DS had a tantrum in public, wah wah I had to phone my Mum to take him home".

Oh grow up you loser.

I've been a lone parent since DD2 was 7 weeks old and DD1 was 21 months old (they're now 13 and 15). I've survived thus far without family or friends' help and with no assistance from their father and managed to see off cancer along the way when they were 5 and 6.

Many a time I've sat here reading with increasing incredulity of, for example, a mother who can't cope with her own children for a couple of days while her husband is away or one who throws a tantrum because her husband isn't home to put the baby to bed and I've been spitting feathers, wanting to scream "FFS how do you think lone parents manage you silly cow!".

So no, you are definitely NOT being unreasonable!

I have thought the same thing myself before now... not that one group moan more than the other, just that people with more help seem to struggle as much if not more than people with less help.

I wonder if it is because the ones with help have higher standards and try to do more?

I think appearances can be deceptive. I have lots of help from my Mum. Last year she came to the house everyday to look after my younger DC so that I could take the older one to preschool.

But DD1 has SN (although you wouldn't notice it immediately) and she is a full-time job just on her own.

She has started Special School now, so the minibus picks her up. I can cope now with taking my middle child to preschool with the youngest in tow.

I literally can't take my 3 out on my own. DD1 is hard work, a wobbly walker and needs either a crelling harness or a buggy. Most of the time she needs the buggy. DD3 is only 17 months, so needs a buggy right now. DD2 can walk. I can't push two buggies, and DD1 needs a SN buggy.

yanbu (although it probably is a sweeping generalisation and my observations are based on a representative sample of 3 people!) I know people who's children are in full time childcare and when they have to have them to look after on their own, they never stop moaning about it! People who don't have help have had more time to get used to it. I must admit, my child was in childcare 2 days a week, and even stopping that over the summer was an eyeopener. The relentlessness of it, without a break really got to me, whereas my friends who have been sahm's didn't seem to have gone as mad over 3 years as i did over 3 months!

I think the OP must know me .

Yabu. Sometimes getting on with it on my own is soul destroying. My DC's raise hell when they are with me and after 24 hours with no adult conversation (and just tantrums and whining) I am usually in tears.

Some kids are just easier to deal with than others. Mine have been hard work from the day one.

valhalla,i agree!!

lone parent to 5.....family is small and miles away. no father.

yet some cant manage....they maybe would if they had to!

omni you do have a job, it's called managing staff.

To OP YADNBU. I have friends whose mothers come to stay to help manage the children when dh/dp is away!

Lougle, now that sounds really tought, and I don't mean people in your circumstance - I take my hat off to you.

Valhalla - enormous respect to you, and any single parent.

I'm thinking really of the people with a DH at home and one or two small children who can't see, to do anything without family to step in and chaperone them through it. One of my friend's mothers comes and does the weekly shop with her every Thursday to help. I can't understand that, it's not all that hard with two kids, and even if it is then there's online shopping. Just this expectation that her mother will come and entertain her kids while she does it because it's all sooooooooooo hard for her. Just a bit rubbish really.

Utter bollocks and have a cat bum

my sil couldn't cope with taking her 3 nt boys out on there own(with her dh) so she would get a relative to babysit!!
I some how manged to take ds and dd(wheelchair) out .......
yet all I got was but it is so hard for her with 3 boys...
(sorry had to put that out there as it still annoys me)

Just out of interest peterpiper do your DC's sit down and play nicely at all, ie: more than 5 mins at a time? Or will they stay in once place and watch cbeebies if you want to do something? Will they sit in a shopping trolley without trying to climb out every 20 seconds?

All the above are non-existent in this house, and I do my grocery shopping on-line.

I think it might depend on the kids. Some are very easy to look after, others can be harder.

Just a thought, but perhaps people with no help from extended family don't moan because they have no one to moan to.

How can it all depend on the kids though? Unless by simple fact of the family living hundreds of miles away the kids are automatically easier??