/ a bridezilla over my hen do?

[doublequack]

We have had a thing booked for months - it was an amazing deal Hotel, bed, breakfast, lunch, dinner, 2 spa treatments and use of the facilities over 2 days for £100. I have a few friends and some family coming - i.e. all ages.

Today was the last day to make any cancellations. My friend broke her leg last week. I do sympathise with her as I realise it must really hurt. But hen do is in 3 weeks and she has cancelled. she cancelled by emailing me and my sister at the same time knowing that I am often not on email. Not so much as a text for a warning. She says she wont be able to get around so has no choice but to cancel.

I am left footing the bill for a single occupancy room now at late notice, so not cheap.

Her treatments are a facial and a back massage and dont invove her leg and my aunt who is coming with us has had a stroke so we wont be running around. She insists that she cant possibly come now.

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit p'd off?

P.S if she said she couldnt afford it or something, I would have been fine with it and have told her this.

Sorry I over reacted I genuinely didnt realise the pain you would still be in, and I am sorry you cant come to the hen, you will be very missed!!! could I take you for something to eat/ drink when you are mobile again to make up for it? Also anything you need in mean time just shout? If you need any special arrangements for wedding just let me know and I will get it sorted. Hope you heal quickly and feel better soon"

Your original apology definitely needs work. You should not have mentioned at all that you were upset you had to hear from your sister - it's not your friend's fault you didn't see an email she copied you into. I would consider her etiquette to be correct in any case - if your sister has organised the do, she is the one to contact in the event of cancellation. Your friend probably thought you had too much on your mind. When you apologise, you don't say anything at all about why you were upset. You restrict yourself to saying you're sorry for why the other person might be upset.

I wouldn't offer to take her for a drink/ meal. She won't feel like leaving the house. You can't have a proper shower with a cast on for a start, so she'll feel manky, and a drink's no good if she's on strong painkillers. Arrange a time when you are going to go and see her. Take her something she can eat - preferably something you have made yourself (a casserole/lasagne) but a bought meal/cake is fine if you don't cook. Don't take flowers - she has to faff about finding a vase then and watering them, and when you've got that kind of injury you can't be bothered (I speak from appearance). And while you're at her house, tell her you want to help and offer to do the hoovering/washing up etc. No point saying "anything you need in the meantime just shout" to her - people never ask for help. You have to just go and do it.

And I have been dying to say this all the way through - I appreciate you now realise you were BU, but you seem to still have the idea that because her treatments didn't involve walking about she would be able to have them. I see she was booked for a back massage. Presumably she has a cast up to at least her knee, which will also cover her foot and keep it at a 90-degree angle from her leg. Have you ever tried lying on your front with a cast on like that? Trust me, she could not have a back massage! And there is absolutely no way she could use any of the spa facilities, so she would have her facial and then spend the rest of the time sitting in her room/the bar by herself while the rest of you enjoy yourselves. TBH, that seems like common sense that most people would think of straight away, but never mind.

That's the ticket!

Ugggh, it so sucks to break a lower limb.

Stuff like getting up to get a cuppa, washing your hair, getting up to look for the remote, etc. is all a major chore.

The being difficult to get out and about thing is why in my version of the apology I suggested you go to her. Which I think is what you should suggest.

And good point on the having to find a vase for flowers. But you can get arrangements already in vases that would mean she didn't have do anything.

Or, you could get her vouchers to have a facial when she's feeling up to it again. Wouldn't that be a lovely thought?

I will ask but I assume she will be at her parents house while she is recovering. She hasn't long moved out and is close to them

Whenever I start to have doubts about whether I am a horrible person or not, I read AIBU. And then I feel much better.

For the first 20 posts I was absolutely convinced this was a wind-up, had to be. Then my jaw dropped and just kept dropping.

OP you managed to write the most unreasonable OP I've read on here in ages. Well done!

This is a joke right?

''Daft - I hope I have not BU about other arrangements. Checklist - venue and reception less than a mile apart, in the area most of the guests live. Children very much welcome. No gifts have been mentioned and when we have been asked we have asked them not to get anything as DP and I have been together a long time and it is not necessary. Reception venue has reasonably priced drinks and tea and coffee is paid for and available for the non drinkers. Alergies and other food preferances have been taken into consideration for the catering? There is no dress code.''

Imo, being a bridezilla is not really about arrangements for the day but a brides attitude to her guests

When is your wedding? Of course, she may be unable to attend that too if she is not up to it.

I do hope you have a good hen and wedding day but still not too sure you that you actually feel you have been unreasonable about this.

You could say if, by chance she does mend well, and is feeling pretty good by then, that she is still welcome to attend?

Just read this whole thread... Initially to find the punchline but then in growing anger! I have 20 titanium screws and three plates that now make up my right ankle. My life was turned completely upside down as I was a very active athlete at the time. In the week after it happened I was still so deep in my own depressive fug I found it difficult to think of anyone else. Your friend sounds extremely thoughtful & kind and you are very lucky to have a friends like that. She, on the other hand...

BTW, that was a crapology, not an apology. Try not to have the last word.

doublequack last apol MUCH better but agree with Muser that you should offer to go round to see her and bring food/drink so you can have a private 'hen night' with your friend as she is so important to you.

Would also add that she should not worry for a moment about the wedding, you really really hope she will be up to attending by then but if she is not, she can just let you know the day before so her place setting can be removed, and it will be no problem at all.

Fair play to you for recognising you are in the wrong and being prepared to put it right. Congratulations on your wedding.

I also thought this was a joke. The world is a very big place and however brides might like to think the world revolves around them, it damn well doesn't. My god, no one has ever got married before have they?!

I broke my wrist a few years ago. The pain was so bad, I couldn't sleep and felt sick with it. I would wake up in agony and have to take more tablets to get back to sleep. This was being on strong painkillers too: it doesn't knock it out completely. I can't imagine how painful it must be to break and ankle. She wont want to leave the house in that state and why should she.

I am still incredulous that it took you so long to get a half arsed apology together. You really have failed to see things from her point of view, others still have to point out the obvious to you? You do sound nice but extremely self absorbed. Genuinely quite stunned at your obtuse lack of empathy.

I have a broken toe and can barely make it to the bus stop so I imagine that a broken leg is a lot worse. If you've never broken a bone that it's almost impossible to walk without putting pressure on then you have no idea what it's like. Just a broken toe has made me pretty much house bound. It's probably taken your friend a week to realise just how bad it is because it took me a week to realise that it doesn't stop hurting like hell every time you try to walk for a long time. She's probably in a lot of pain and doesn't see how she won't still be in a lot of pain in three weeks. You should stop being such a complete bitch and do something nice for your friend like come around for a cup of tea - she's probably has crazy cabin fever and needs the company (even if she has people she lives with she'll be going a bit mad not seeing anyone else) and if you can pick up some things for her at the supermarket then she'll probably love you forever.

doublequack: Sorry - I posted that just after reading your OP and hadn't seen any of the later posts. You should definitely go around and see your friend and encourage her other friends to do the same. I have 3 housemates but I'm still going mad through lack of human contact and have gotten very depressed even though it's only been two weeks so far. She'll be feeling very sorry for herself right now and I can tell you that it's very hard even to ask your housemates to do things for you. Tell her you're coming over and are going to pop by the supermarket on the way and ask her if she wants anything and then cook her a meal. She's probably been living on ready meals and take aways so a proper home cooked meal would be wonderful. A bottle of wine probably wouldn't go amiss either. I only have a walking stick and can just hobble when it's inconvenient whereas she'll have two crutches that she actually needs to get around - if you have two crutches then you have no hands so can't carry anything so cooking would be impossible unless she has stools in her kitchen.

Doublequack - just imagine if your friend had posted on AIBU about her situation:

AIBU or is my friend ? I was supposed to be attending a hen weekend at a spa, but last week I broke my leg. As you can imagine I have been in and out of hospital, and struggling to get around, but despite this have tried to contact work / friends to let them know. I hoped that my bride-to-be friend would get in touch to wish me well, but when it became clear that she wasn't going to I contacted her sister ( hen organiser ) to confirm that could not attend, copied in bride, and made sure it was within the cancellation limit. Bride has seen her arse and thinks I ought to go so she doesn't have odd numbers. She has subsequently sent a snotty half-arse apology. I'm not expecting sympathy, but surely she could be civil ?

Doublequack , you seem to have accepted that an apology is in order - I think you need to explain that you didn't originally understand the seriousness of her injury and you were hoping that she would not miss out, but of course you now realise your error. Anything about word control breakers regarding the word can't , or sister's email, will make you sound utterly unsympathetic.

I agree that you need to offer a girls pampering / dvd
night in at friends, fully catered by you and with maybe 1 or 2 other close friends. Do face packs or nail painting so your friend can feel a bit like she's able to join in.

Should say freakery not breakers. The auto - correct function on my phone is clearly not geared up for mumsnet !

Doublequack. I am so glad you are beginning to see sense.

For some more perspective.
Dhs best mate broke his leg while visiting us (overseas). I came with him to hospital (for translating) and help him the initial days, he was so badly in pain, you would not believe it. He had morphine. The rest of his stay he sat in a chair with his cast up. Just getting up from sitting to standing had his face screw up in pain (despite on strong painkillers) and getting across the floor, too. Our living space is upstairs, and try getting up a staircase with a cast up to above your knee (to steady entire leg). He slept on our sofa, as he could not manage to go down again. It took his wife over an hour to shower him. He stank, he was rank. And in really bad spirits. His cast was on for 3 months.

i have been on spa days, twice, not the kind of thing you can do with a broken leg though. would imagine even laying down for a treatment may be uncomfortable, leg needing to be propped up etc. you may have even found that the spa wouldn't accept her as a client with that kind of injury, so yes yabu. but you know that now anyway, glad you've mellowed about it, and hope you enjoy the hen do when you go.

Just for info - I have appologised profusely. Offered to visit (she is not up to it at the mo but will do when she is) and have bought her a a facial kit and a manicure set to make up a it for what she is missing.

No excuses but when I got her message I honestly thought it was just about the cast being cumbersome it really didnt occur to me that it might still be that painful a month after the event.

oh btw am guessing you all can see the name change. will be put back shortly