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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

/ a bridezilla over my hen do?

173 replies

doublequack · 24/09/2010 19:21

We have had a thing booked for months - it was an amazing deal Hotel, bed, breakfast, lunch, dinner, 2 spa treatments and use of the facilities over 2 days for £100. I have a few friends and some family coming - i.e. all ages.

Today was the last day to make any cancellations. My friend broke her leg last week. I do sympathise with her as I realise it must really hurt. But hen do is in 3 weeks and she has cancelled. she cancelled by emailing me and my sister at the same time knowing that I am often not on email. Not so much as a text for a warning. She says she wont be able to get around so has no choice but to cancel.

I am left footing the bill for a single occupancy room now at late notice, so not cheap.

Her treatments are a facial and a back massage and dont invove her leg and my aunt who is coming with us has had a stroke so we wont be running around. She insists that she cant possibly come now.

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit p'd off?

P.S if she said she couldnt afford it or something, I would have been fine with it and have told her this.

OP posts:
pigsinmud · 24/09/2010 19:46

Oops- that should have said yabvu, not yanbu!

BelligerentGhoul · 24/09/2010 19:49

She has sent you an email. That is her warning. You said to cancel by today. She has done that.

whenskiesaregrey · 24/09/2010 19:54

Warning? Was the fact she broke her leg not warning enough for you?! Shock And if you have torn your ligaments, then surely you would know how dificult it will be for her to get around on crutches? And how much pain she will be in?!

Surely you must see YABVVVVVVVVU!!

alicet · 24/09/2010 19:59

A broken leg and a fractured ankle are the same thing.

YABVVVVU. No way would I be paying £100 for a weekend away that I wouldn't be able to enjoy. There is a difference between her and your aunt too. Your aunt knew her disabilities when she agreed to come and presumably since much of them are likely to be a reality for her for the rest of her life she is choosing not to let it stop her doing anything she wishes - good on her. She is probably also not in a lot of pain. Your friend however is in a totally different situation.

If I was her and I contacted you AND your sister on the last day cancellations werre possible I would think this was plenty of notice and totally reasonable. Get over yourself

Original poster
doublequack · 24/09/2010 20:04

I do take peoples point that I am not coming accross as the most sympathetic person in the world.

actually she didnt send me an email she copied me in to one to my sister. I should also have pointed out that we have been in contact over the last few days after I heard - Me asking if there is anything I can do, let me know if she needs anything. Hope she is alright etc and she hadnt mentioned anything to me about not wanting to come.

In fact had she said she didnt want to come, for ANY reason, I would have been fine about it too. I think I may have a problem with the use of the word CAN'T as opposed to dont want to.

OP posts:
BadgerAdrift · 24/09/2010 20:04

All normal people would consider "not being able to get around" to mean "not being able to get around because I'll be in too much pain/discomfort."

Unbelievable.

perfumedlife · 24/09/2010 20:05

What is it with weddings turning reasonable women into nutjobs? Do you think it's the "my special day" thing making them take it too literally?

YABVU

CurlyCasper · 24/09/2010 20:07

OP, you still haven't explained why you are having to pay if she cancelled by today, which you say was the last day for cancellations. Confused

Loshad · 24/09/2010 20:07

you don't use email, but you're on mumsnet, and you still managed to read your sister's email Confused[sceptical]

muddleduck · 24/09/2010 20:08

FFS

get a grip!

Original poster
doublequack · 24/09/2010 20:08

AliceT I did say that to her - I realise its a lot of cash if you cant do the things you want to so I am fine with that. She said that thats not it at all????

OP posts:
alicet · 24/09/2010 20:09

Your latest post doesn't change my reaction.

Copying you into the one she sent to your sister is the same as sending you an email. You got it, at the same time, didn't you?!

I also don't think there is anything to read in her not mentioning to you that she may not come when she has seen you. She might have thought that she would wait and see how she felt and that if she was going to come there was no point in upsetting you.

She might also have known you would totally over react like you have, and thought 'I am in pain with a broken leg. I am disappointed I can't go to the hen weekend for a bit of pampering. I do NOT need to be guilt tripped by doublequack into the bargain'

muddleduck · 24/09/2010 20:10

SHE HAS GOT A BROKE LEG

which part of that have you not understood?

alicet · 24/09/2010 20:11

cross posted - it might well NOT be the money at all. It might well be thatwhen she is in pain and struggling to get about she would rather be at home rather than in a strange place. It might be anything. I still think that a broken leg is enough reason for her not to come (especially as she is cancelling within the timeframe) without anny further explanation at all

muddleduck · 24/09/2010 20:11

or even a BROKEN one

Blush
BellasFormerFriend · 24/09/2010 20:11

I think you will find that she will not be allowed to go into a spa with a cast, one it will be very slippery and dangerous, two the cast could be compromised by the humidity in the area and three...well I think one and two are enough really.

Honestly, you do need to get over yourself on this one, she broke her leg, any reasonable person would have realised that probably meant she couldn't go without her even needing to email anyone. You are not out of pocket so that part of your whinge is really a fabrication.

I suspect she didn't mention it to you for fear of your reaction - with good reason it would seem Sad

MsHighwater · 24/09/2010 20:11

Perhaps your friend didn't say anything about not wanting to come because a) she did want to come but has realised that her broken ankle actually means that she can't and because b) she assumed that you would not need to be told that her broken ankle put her attendance at your hen do in doubt.

YABU (but you really knew that from the start, didn't you?)

BlueFergie · 24/09/2010 20:11

She only broke her leg last week. I am sure that the first thing she thought of when it happened was not - Can I make doublequacks hen do now, must let her know if I can't?
I am sure in the first few days she was to busy dealing with excrutiating pain, hospital visits, x rays, plaster fittings, pain killers, trying to use crutches etc to even think about what social events she had coming up. Now shes got around to it she is letting you know that she can't come. I am sure she thought you would be fine with this since she is currently immobile and in pain. If it was my friend I would assume they would not be coming.
Is she going to work, going out other places - why do you assume your hen night should be so important?

Original poster
doublequack · 24/09/2010 20:13

Curley - When it was all aranged there was an even number of people all sharing twin rooms. We have split the cost on that basis. I dont think it is fair asking anyone else to cover the cost of a single room surcharge we will now incur so I will cover the cost myself (not a problem - or indeed my friends problem)

Loshad - Sorry for not making it clear I meant I dont always have access to my work email (where she sent it) as my job is rarely office based (she knows this) so the first I knew was when my sister called.

OP posts:
BlueFergie · 24/09/2010 20:16

Can't you get a triple room and share with two of the others, thereby avoiding the single surcharge?

BadgerAdrift · 24/09/2010 20:16

So the date of canceling is irrelevant then, unless 2 people cancel..?

alicet · 24/09/2010 20:16

But presumably you can still cancel the cost of the treatments and food and other non roomk based expenses that she will not be using?

If it isn't about the money for her then you could always as her for the costs you are out of pocket for. Wouldn't exactly be the most supportive reaction of you but if I was your friend while I wouldn't come with a broken leg I would pay for anything that couldn't be cancelled as I wouldn't expect the perosn organising to be out of pocket.

muddleduck · 24/09/2010 20:17

you do realise that if any of your friends are on MN you are going to have significantly fewer friends than you had...

(BTW If was one of your 'freinds' then I'd be happy to split the extra cost. Presumably this is what you would have done if there had been an odd number from the start)

CurlyCasper · 24/09/2010 20:17

That bit makes sense now. I thought you were having to pay for the whole room, but it's just the surcharge. Small price to pay to not have a good friend feeling miserable and in pain IMO.

PurpleLostPrincess · 24/09/2010 20:17

YABVU!! I don't understand why you don't check your emails regularly knowing that you have a booking coming up. Also, if you knew she broke her leg last week, why didn't you contact her to check with a simple 'if you can't come, I'll understand' type thing to ease the pressure? Also, you said she emailed your sister too, so she has made a little extra effort to make sure you're aware of it by the deadline.

When something like a broken leg/fractured ankle happens, you're rather preoccupied with the immediate arrangements of recovering, and how you are going to get around and cancelling any plans for that day/week, not a month in advance! I'm sure she's gutted too, it's not as if she planned it! For goodness sake, she emailed by the deadline, what else do you expect from her?

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