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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

/ a bridezilla over my hen do?

173 replies

doublequack · 24/09/2010 19:21

We have had a thing booked for months - it was an amazing deal Hotel, bed, breakfast, lunch, dinner, 2 spa treatments and use of the facilities over 2 days for £100. I have a few friends and some family coming - i.e. all ages.

Today was the last day to make any cancellations. My friend broke her leg last week. I do sympathise with her as I realise it must really hurt. But hen do is in 3 weeks and she has cancelled. she cancelled by emailing me and my sister at the same time knowing that I am often not on email. Not so much as a text for a warning. She says she wont be able to get around so has no choice but to cancel.

I am left footing the bill for a single occupancy room now at late notice, so not cheap.

Her treatments are a facial and a back massage and dont invove her leg and my aunt who is coming with us has had a stroke so we wont be running around. She insists that she cant possibly come now.

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit p'd off?

P.S if she said she couldnt afford it or something, I would have been fine with it and have told her this.

OP posts:
Meglet · 24/09/2010 21:25

yabu. For all the reasons everyone else has said.

ifancyashandy · 24/09/2010 21:31

Right, I broke my leg - or rather, as you put it, 'only' fractured my ankle.

This resulted in three weeks in hospital waiting for the swelling to go down before they could operate and put a plate with ten pins in on one side, two angled pins beneath that and then a plate with 6 pins in on the other side.

It still hurts today. Five years later.

I was on crutches for 4 months. And the swelling that occured when I put my non-weight bearing leg to the floor is still (like Expats) fresh in my brain.

Add to all of that the absolute terror of being on crutches and the fear of slipping over again. And the sheer exhaustion of just getting around. And the fact that even the slightest 'lip' of a step looks like a mountain when you are first on crutches.

Now think on all of that and add:

Drunk (or even tipsy) people
Wet floors
Unknown terrain
Humidity / water (get a cast wet and you have to have it reset)
Bridezillas

Still think she should come on your hen night?

YABVU. But I think you probably know that.

doublequack · 24/09/2010 21:31

OK - I get it I am BU.

I do have to defend myself against some coments though. The email did not explain anything other than saying that as she couldnt have treatments she couldnt come so would (my sis) cancel.

I realise I am BU and have over reacted. My initial response was that she could have the treatments she had booked as none involved getting wet in any way and did not involve her leg. I accept that I have clearly underestimated the healing/ pain time as had assumed that by 4 weeks from the injury the pain would be less and the plaster more precautionary and mobility would have improved. From the reaction here I guess this is not the case and will appologise accordingly.

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 24/09/2010 21:35

I bet she broke her leg on purpose just to get out of it.

Suncottage · 24/09/2010 21:36

Doublequack

You are great and not a Bridezilla. Have a fantastic day and I wish you all the best Smile

Great apology and with good grace. I shall defend you from the late posts that have not read the thread.

ifancyashandy · 24/09/2010 21:38

Umm....I did read the thread

Just sayin'

Hmm
doublequack · 24/09/2010 21:39

Have sent the following - Sorry, I didnt realise how long ankle fractures took to heal and understand why you dont want to come. I was a bit put out by the fact I had to hear from my sis but I over reacted sorry.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/09/2010 21:39

Depending on the break, she may have to go back and have surgery on it. Sometimes they'll see if it heals in plaster. If it doesn't, and you'll usually know because the pain just stays and stays, then it's possible an op will be needed.

So you live with that knowledge on top of yeah, the crutches and other stuff.

If she does need surgery, she may not be able to come to the wedding. Please don't be angry with her. No one wants something like this to happen.

It really sucks and can hurt for a long time.

Suncottage · 24/09/2010 21:40

Frantically re-reading thread.

doublequack · 24/09/2010 21:40

Thanks suncottage - I really didnt realise I was 5 pages worth of horrid!!!

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 24/09/2010 21:42

I read the whole thread.

I stand by what I posted.

Suncottage · 24/09/2010 21:45

So do I - flowers and a lovely card are in order - Grin

doublequack · 24/09/2010 21:45

EXPAT - If I had thought it was AT ALL to do with her still being in pain I would not have reacted in the same way. I genuinely thought her "not being able to get around" and "Not being able to have treatments" comments were about the awkwardness of casts and NOT because she thought she would still be in pain.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 24/09/2010 21:47

Oh blimey OP - how to ruin an apology. That really was half hearted. Come on now...

If I received that text from the bride I'd be ripping up the invite and ramming the delux toaster wedding gift up their stuck up arses sideways.

Suncottage · 24/09/2010 21:48

But I still say good luck on your big day OP.

doublequack · 24/09/2010 21:54

What was I supposed to say pancake. I said sorry, I said why I reacted in the way I did and why I was wrong to do so??

will prob send flowers (wine is a bad idea due to painkillers yes??)

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 24/09/2010 21:59

you had to bring up that she emailed your sister ( who was organising it). Let it go....

BlueFergie · 24/09/2010 21:59

I am glad that you have seen you are being unreasonable OP. I don't know much about broken legs (thankfully) but I do know they take a loooong time to heal, often need to be reset, are very painful and make doing even the simplest tasks (ie showering, dressing, making a cup of tea ets) very difficult and tiring. I am quite sure your friend is still in pain, maybe you are right and she won't be in 3 weeks time but she doesn't know this. As today is the cut off day she has to make a decision based on the situation today. To be honest even if she knew she wouldn't have any pain she would still be reasonable to cancel as doing even the simplest things is extremely difficult so navigating a hotel getting on to treatment tables, moving around resturants etc would be very onerous even without the pain.

TrillianAstra · 24/09/2010 22:01

Wine + painkillers could be awesome Wink

Pancakeflipper · 24/09/2010 22:01

send her a link to this thread... She'll forget the pain in her leg for a while...

Gettingagrip · 24/09/2010 22:01

I know you have said that you have apologised, but really...

My daughter broke her ankle last year...it was horrendous. She sank into a depression...she couldn't shower or bathe. Washing her hair was a nightmare...we had to buy huge track-suit bottoms for her, to get on over the cast . Going to the loo was a nightmare...she couldn't sleep properly. She was in agony and on hundreds of tablets.

We were forever at the hospital having scans and x-rays. She had a terrible time. It took SIX MONTHS for her to even begin to get back to normal.

She didn't leave the house for weeks, unless it was to go to hospital yet again. She couldn't work or go to school.

It really was dreadful, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Just the fact that your friend probably cannot wash herself as usual would be enough to stop her going anywhere I would imagine, let alone a hen-do where everyone will be dressed in their best and all jolly.

YABU

Hedgeblunder · 24/09/2010 22:02

Oh Lordy that's the worst apology ever!!! She's better off with out you

DaftApeth · 24/09/2010 22:07

Hadn't realised you had already emiled her. Did I miss that bit? Thought I had read whole thread.

What did you say in original email to her?

I agree, it was a crap apology and I would be surprised if she is not more than a little upset right now!

alicet · 24/09/2010 22:12

Yep I agree it was a crap apology too sorry. You DIDN'T have to hear about it from your sister. She e-mailed you too! You should have had the good grace to just say sorry you over reacted, when can you come round and cheer her up with flowers and chocs

BarbieLovesKen · 24/09/2010 22:13

sorry but that really is a terrible apology. you shouldnt have bothered to be honest.