/ a bridezilla over my hen do?

[doublequack]

We have had a thing booked for months - it was an amazing deal Hotel, bed, breakfast, lunch, dinner, 2 spa treatments and use of the facilities over 2 days for £100. I have a few friends and some family coming - i.e. all ages.

Today was the last day to make any cancellations. My friend broke her leg last week. I do sympathise with her as I realise it must really hurt. But hen do is in 3 weeks and she has cancelled. she cancelled by emailing me and my sister at the same time knowing that I am often not on email. Not so much as a text for a warning. She says she wont be able to get around so has no choice but to cancel.

I am left footing the bill for a single occupancy room now at late notice, so not cheap.

Her treatments are a facial and a back massage and dont invove her leg and my aunt who is coming with us has had a stroke so we wont be running around. She insists that she cant possibly come now.

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit p'd off?

P.S if she said she couldnt afford it or something, I would have been fine with it and have told her this.

It would have been quite nice and caring to contact her really, wouldn't it?

I can't believe you even had to ask if you were being unreasonable...

BTW, what happened to a hen night just being you and your mates getting a bit tiddly? Why the need for weekend spas and such nonsense?

Can't believe you didn't phone her up when you heard that she had broken her leg and reassure her that a) she shouldn't feel bad if she decides to cancel and b) the rest of you will sort the money out.

Afraid to say that you have lost the plot on this one OP.

If your sis is the one that has organised your hen do (maybe in role of chief bridesmaid or some such?) then it is right that she emailed your sis and nice that she cc'd you in on it so you could see what is going on.

Think of it another way - your friend might have really wanted to go to your hen do as it was such a good deal but didn't know how she would cope with a broken ankle. So she thought that rather than just cancel as soon as she had done it, she would take a chance and see how she was doing in case there was any possiblity of her being able to cope, leaving it until the last possible moment to see how well she was recovering.

So maybe actually she was being thoughtful rather than not.

If you have a group booking with the hotel and explain the circumstances you might find that they will take pity on you and let you have the room without a single supplement.

If you are having the room anyway then if you can find someone else to go then the hotel are not going to turn them away so you have 3 weeks to find someone else.

I have to say I thought YABU just from reading the first paragraph.... "Hotel, bed, breakfast, lunch, dinner, 2 spa treatments and use of the facilities over 2 days for £100"

She could hop. It's only the one leg ffs.

Fair play on you op for admitting you are wrong about this.

For what its worth if it were me with the broken leg I would have spoken to your sister about this rather than you if she is managing the booking. I wouldn't have made it your problem and your job to chase your sister when you were busy organising a wedding.

Try not to read too much into the way you friend has backed out. She is in pain and probably feeling pretty sorry for herself and I am sure thinks she has handled this fine. Let it go, go over with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine and have a substitute hen night with her at her place (or out somewhere local if she feels up to that)

Backwardpossom - agree with your sentiments about hen nights. They used to be about spending time with your best friends, not flashing cash about.

God I can still remember that awful pain in my broken ankle when I sat for any length of time and then stood up on my crutches. The blood would rush to my leg and it hurt for weeks till it started to heal.

And it felt, well, broken and hot and sore and painful.

It was 20 years ago and I can still remember how much it hurt.

Oh, and I was a bit loopy for days on painkillers. I wasn't thinking 100% straight.

Trillian Astra - That was my main point, would not expect her to come if she didnt want to. Would have taken a text.

Expat - My aunt had a stroke a ling time ago. My only reason for telling you all about that is to hilight the point that not everyone coming is young, able bodied and expected to run around, ie we wont be going clubbing or walking long distances. I am offended by your comment about her.

= long

You're offended about quite a few irrational things.

And I'd only read the OP so wind your neck in.

Okay, so she didn't text you! Get over it!

She emailed in time.

She broke her leg, it hurts, she's probably doped up, she may be looking at surgery (and it's usually a long op involving pins, sometimes some of those have to be removed in another op a few months or weeks later), she's probably out of it.

Maybe she contacted your sister because she knew you would react in this ego-centric way. Perhaps you have been unreasonable in other areas of the arrangements too?

The use of the word 'can't' seems appropriate if she is in pain and having difficulty moving around and felt she would be unable to join in.

You still don't seem very sympathetic/empathetic to her situation.

You are being a loon over the word 'can't' - so what would have been acceptable to you?

"I have broken my leg, I am immobile and in agony, I won't be able to use the spa facilities and so I don't WANT to come"???

I think she is quite fair in feeling that she can't come, she can't participate in the spa and she can't see herself coping in a hotel situation with what amounts to a temporary disability with high levels of pain involved.

You really, really need to let go of this in your mind OP or you risk spoiling your friendship. I truly hope that she is not a MNer and does not find out about how you have reacted - if I was in her shoes, I would be very very hurt indeed by your attitude.

I think emailing you and your sister (who I guess has organised it with you) is better than texting. At least she was able to fully explain why she wasn't able to make it. I would have to assume that she really did want to make it but has unfortunately had to cancel. I am fairly confident that she would rather be with you on the hen weekend rather than sat at home nursing a broken leg.

Why not be a lovely friend and take a bottle of wine & chocolate round one evening so you can share them together before the wedding.

Also, if she does have to cancel from some of the wedding, be understanding.

you sound dreadfully self-centred tbh, you seem to be expecting that your friend knows your dislike of the word can't and so should have avoided using it in an email to you, despite the fact that she's BROKEN HER ANKLE.

Christ on a bike.

She probably presumed that you would realise she wouldn't be coming, but was letting your DSis know just with regard to cancellation/planning.

Think about it OP, have you EVER been to a spa and seen someone there with their leg in plaster? Having a cast on is horrible. You are in pain, getting around is a nightmare, it is horrendous to get comfortable in bed, you are not allowed to even get the cast damp etc etc. Does this sound ideal for attending a hen weekend?!

Have a word with yourself. You are being SO unreasonable, it really is quite astonishing.

Paisley - In context the last lot of hen dos in related groups of people have involved - 2 lots of 4 days away to the other end of the country, over £100 just for dinner and a A WEEK in corfu! - BTW I am not claiming to have gone to all of these myself it is just for context.

Daft - I hope I have not BU about other arrangements. Checklist - venue and reception less than a mile apart, in the area most of the guests live. Children very much welcome. No gifts have been mentioned and when we have been asked we have asked them not to get anything as DP and I have been together a long time and it is not necessary. Reception venue has reasonably priced drinks and tea and coffee is paid for and available for the non drinkers. Alergies and other food preferances have been taken into consideration for the catering? There is no dress code.

MYLEETLE- I did contact her to see if she was ok/ needed anything etc.