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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

/ a bridezilla over my hen do?

173 replies

doublequack · 24/09/2010 19:21

We have had a thing booked for months - it was an amazing deal Hotel, bed, breakfast, lunch, dinner, 2 spa treatments and use of the facilities over 2 days for £100. I have a few friends and some family coming - i.e. all ages.

Today was the last day to make any cancellations. My friend broke her leg last week. I do sympathise with her as I realise it must really hurt. But hen do is in 3 weeks and she has cancelled. she cancelled by emailing me and my sister at the same time knowing that I am often not on email. Not so much as a text for a warning. She says she wont be able to get around so has no choice but to cancel.

I am left footing the bill for a single occupancy room now at late notice, so not cheap.

Her treatments are a facial and a back massage and dont invove her leg and my aunt who is coming with us has had a stroke so we wont be running around. She insists that she cant possibly come now.

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit p'd off?

P.S if she said she couldnt afford it or something, I would have been fine with it and have told her this.

OP posts:
muddleduck · 24/09/2010 20:19

very nicely put Curly

verytellytubby · 24/09/2010 20:19

Bloody hell. I rarely say it but your attitude is horrible. She has a BROKEN leg not can't be arsed to go to your hen do.

PurpleLostPrincess · 24/09/2010 20:20

xposted, missed the bit about work email, so fair enough I guess on that, but I still stand by the rest of what I said...

gingerkirsty · 24/09/2010 20:20

FGS OP it is a SPA WEEKEND is it not? those normally involve spending the majority of the time in wet/steamy conditions which would be impossible in plaster. What do you expect her to do, sit around on her own while the rest of you enjoy it?

I imagine she is in pain, very fed up indeed and struggling to get around. She may even be rather tearful. If I were in that situation, sending an email within the cancellation deadline would seem far easier to cope with than having to ring you.

How much money are we actually talking about (because, as far as I can tell, that is the crux of your problem)? If the whole wkend was only £100 it can't be more than about £30, surely?

YABVVVU, and not a nice friend.

perfumedlife · 24/09/2010 20:21

Anyway, look on the bright side. You are a BRIDE TO BE, you simply MUST have the room ALL to yourself, surely you know that Wink

Alambil · 24/09/2010 20:21

get a grip

gingerkirsty · 24/09/2010 20:21

Bet you wish you'd never posted this now, OP Grin

TheProvincialLady · 24/09/2010 20:22
annec555 · 24/09/2010 20:22

I thought you were bing unreasonable until I was reassured by your post about it being a fractured ankle rather than a broken leg. That is entirely different. Clearly she is being spectacularly unreasonable and selfish not to grit her teeth over this completely minor ailment. She should be ashamed of herself.
Oh, hang on a second.....

orienteerer · 24/09/2010 20:22
Biscuit
paisleyleaf · 24/09/2010 20:22

Great thread Grin
...and she's still to pull out of the wedding yet!

usernamechanged345 · 24/09/2010 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
doublequack · 24/09/2010 20:24

No triple rooms are now availaible. I wont be asking anyone to pay for anything more than their own costs and I wont be asking my friend to cover the surcharge. I would rather pay myself than leave others out of pocket.

Muddle - None of my friends are mums so doubtful thats why I asked on here.

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 24/09/2010 20:25

Seriously, it really isn't her fault, she must have been dreading telling you.

My hen night consisted of canapes made by a friend and a case of Champagne bought by me, then a few drinks at the local. It was a laugh and cost little. The evening before my wedding I cooked dinner for 11 unexpected friends/family who dropped by with gifts and ended up drinking wine and having a laugh.

Two of the best nights ever, and nothing was centred on me.

Please relax, it doesn't have to be regimented.

Congratulations.

clam · 24/09/2010 20:28

And today is the deadline!! So what's the problem with cancelling? She told you in time.

Suncottage · 24/09/2010 20:29

Get your credit card out and send some flowers and a lovely card wishing her well.

Better still - deliver them yourself and do the hoovering and shopping while she is out of action. Grin

BrightLightBrightLight · 24/09/2010 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pancakeflipper · 24/09/2010 20:30

she probably thought you'd have already worked out soon as hearing about her accident that she'd not be attending a spa day. So texting/ emailing not high on her list... And she's probably got other things to rearrange and sort out.

Her pain level is probably very high at the moment. And if she's having to take pain relief then a day of not being able to join in and a night of watching you all on the champers ain't going to be any fun at all for her.

Can you not find another mate/ family member to take her place perhaps at a discount price them.

I always think that when expecting people to pay large amounts of money for events like this you need to filter in some drop-outs for whatever reason and should expect to plan that in.

laweaselmys · 24/09/2010 20:30

The bit you seem to be missing doublequack, is that she broke her leg. She doesn't need an extra reason, or help getting round it. SHE BROKE HER LEG.

YABU. Just to be clear.

expatinscotland · 24/09/2010 20:31

YABVU.

Your aunt had a stroke. She could be dead, fgs! Sorry she spoilt your plans for running around Hmm

And breaking your leg can often involve a wait until you're re-evaluated to see if you need surgery. It hurts.

A LOT. It can also swell for weeks and make getting around really really hard.

It can also be depressing as hell and you really don't feel like going out.

Hedgeblunder · 24/09/2010 20:33

Ah it's definitly Friday night!

TrillianAstra · 24/09/2010 20:36

It is not unreasonable to expect better communication than an email when she knows that you can't always access your email.

Obviously it would be unreasonable to expect her to come anyway with s broken leg.

Original poster
doublequack · 24/09/2010 20:36

Mrs pickles - I think you are right it is a very weird thing. I do take the word cant in a strange way. I would much prefer people say to me they dont want to do something. This has been something that I am pretty sure those around me have been aware of over the years. I always give people a ready made get out if they dont want to do something. I have always made a strong point that if you dont want to do something then that is ok with me.

I am dissapointed she is not coming. I am sad she has injured herself. I am dissapointed she didnt call or text before talking to my sister (who is handling the booking)- I would have called my sister for her. And I am freaky about use of th term CANT.

Cant is a bit like the words love and hate to me - it shouldnt be used unless you mean it in the strongest sense of the word.

I now realise the above is clearly my problem and will appologise accordingly.

OP posts:
Serendippy · 24/09/2010 20:37

YABU. But you probably got that already Grin

Myleetlepony · 24/09/2010 20:37

You should have had the sense to contact her and ask how she was doing, and did she still want to come. If you'd done that then her place would have been cancelled in time. Offer it to someone else.
Having said that, when I've organised similar breaks in the past (not hen nights) I've got everyone's money off them well in advance, and made sure that they knew the cancellation terms.