to think that, no, it is not possible to pay private school fees simply by "going without"?

[nameymcnamechange]

Of all the many thousands of things that annoy me about Mumsnet, it is this myth that more people could send their children to private school if they prioritised school fees over "extravagant lifestyles" and made sacrifices including but not limited to

• running one car or no car
• not going on holiday, or camping
• economising with food
• buying second hand clothes and not being interested in designer handbags

No, those small economies are not going to make the difference between a state or private education for the vast vast vast majority of families.

So can we please stop posting this kind of nonsense?

Roffle is a delightful word.
Can we campaign to get it into OED?? I love how it has evolved into a fully fledged word in its own right.

And yes, Roffle at Lady D's neighbour. Silly woman! How do you not laugh in her face?! Not sure I would be able to hold it in.

onceamai that's awful for people to comment like that. Your situation allowed you to afford it. You were able to get a job that could pay the fees.

But it's also presumptuous of others to think that it's possible for everyone.

It's not. FACT.

I remember everyone waking up and looking with raised eyebrows at the parish manager giving his annual stewardship talk one Sunday when he suggested that if everyone gave up their bought lunch at work and stopped buying their fancy coffees and shopping at the expensive places he thought we all shopped at, bought cheaper and fewer groceries and didn't eat out twice a week the parish debt could be retired.

He was fired a few weeks later. People who were up to their necks trying to put their children through the parish school were incensed.

What shopping? What coffee? Bought lunch? Eating out -- what's that?

Why is private school always considered to be so much better than state school? This is something I've never understood about the UK ...

we are in the can and do afford it for both kids at a top 100 independent school in uk.

The local state primary school made it very clear they didn't want disabled ds :(

The local secondary is in special measures and had 9 students under age 16 last year giving birth. No, I dont think so for dd. And yes, we have 2 overseas hols per year and two cars too.

But i dont preach to anyone about it, every case is different and depends on standards on local schools - both indep and state.

i agree,part of the oft touted economise yourself to happiness/fulfilment/not working and private schools

usually goes like this

am thinking of returning to work and using nursery...

Ach no what about missing the precious moments
hell why use daycare farm when you can
do without any consumer durables
knit a nice jumper from pubes (matching tammy if you are hirsute)
never go on holiday.ever again
no make up,no new clothes
cut own and children hair with blunt knife
no branded goods
husband working like dog

and still i never quite believe the martyr mums enforced frugality.aha gave up everything for maximus(but not broadband or pc)

Ok this is v simple.

If you are on a biggish salary ie on the cusp of being able to afford private, the 'stop buying Mulberry bags twice a year, holidaying in Tuscany and buying a Starbucks latte every day' theory holds.

If you are nowhere near being able to afford private, it doesn't.

Sorry for double post. I do realise we are extremely fortunate to have the choice and many (most ?) dont .

We couldnt afford private education unless we wore bin bags for clothes and started bin diving for free food (let alone eating out.

But i dont begrudge those parents that do send their children to private school. Its just never going to be an option for us unless DS is extremely talented and wins a scholarship somewhere (probably not likely!)so i dont waste any time sweating about it - there are more important things to worry about!

Star Expat. Not presumtious at all. If people are not ill, if all their children are at school, admittedly not in the current climate but in 2004 there was booming economy, there was nothing to stop them from working. I'm also going to point out that I didn't have a degree or as privileged a background as the whingers. I got off my butt, went to work and took some professional qualifications having been out of the education system for 27 years. All I'm saying is that those who can't be bothered to put themselves out when they have no excuses have no need to be chippy.

If we only had DS then we could afford private secondary if we started thinking about it now (he's 2) and putting some money aside, but now that DC2 is on the way and we'd be looking at £18-20k a year at least then it's out of the question because we would have to scrap all holidays and the possibility of a move to a bigger house.

Would I send my children if we could afford it and still go on holiday and have a nice life? Absolutely, but there are more important things in life than which school you go to.

ps - do people really own designer handbags in RL? i havent got one unless Tesco/TK max/Topshop counts as designer!

stewie no problem :)

onceamai, I agree with that. It goes both ways.

Sorry what's obnoxious? Expecting people who carp about not having choices when they chose to stay at home in half a million pound houses rather than go to work and bring in some shekels. Don't think so. If they are ex publishers and accountants and are arsey because they can't afford school fees they have no right to criticise me for grafting to do so when all they have to do is is get off backsides, stop organising coffee mornings and go back to their very good previous jobs.

I worked to contribute to the prep school fees, which were £800 per month all year round. We didn't have new cars and didn't have flash holidays. We only have one child.

It was worth it for the childcare element - drop off at 0745 for breakfast, pick up at 1900 after supper and prep was done and lots of Games and running around to boot, and no National Curriculum.

A childminder would probably have cost me £400 per month for the before and after school and the journey there and back, so it made sense to me.

I was surprised to find that we could afford to send ds to the local private school (at Primary level anyway) for about the same as the nursery fees we pay at the moment so I can work.

But it's a pretty crap school so we'd be mad to do that.

I'm lucky to earn enough to pay nursery fees though. Most people don't, never mind school fees.

Starexpat: families on benefits can access private schools. They would be eligible for 100%bursaries in many schools. The very rich and the very poor have a way in: it's those stuck in the middle who have to juggle.

What a weird thing to be aspirational about, the tone of this thread is really odd - am I completely out of the loop? does everyone aspire to a private education nowadays?

We could afford to send the DC to private school if we wanted to - the costs of nursery in London are so high we'd hardly notice the difference tbh and then with a bit of scrimping on hols and big purchases we could probs send them to a really highly-rated one.

But I would never ever in a million years consider it - it's a nasty elitist pointless thing to spend money on, and there's no guarantee of anything either - no guarantee of a place of Oxbridge or indeed that your child will be any more happy or well-balanced, or be a better person, or succeed in life. Most middle class kids do well wherever they go to school and IMO a state education will offer our DC something very very valuable - mixing with people from all walks of life and building an ability to comfortably tolerate and get along with all different sorts in the real world. IME of privately-educated people, the only thing it consistently provides is an overbearing and often wildly misplaced sense of entitlement which is deeply unattractive. I suppose if that's what you want for your kids...