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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that, no, it is not possible to pay private school fees simply by "going without"?

310 replies

nameymcnamechange · 23/09/2010 17:09

Of all the many thousands of things that annoy me about Mumsnet, it is this myth that more people could send their children to private school if they prioritised school fees over "extravagant lifestyles" and made sacrifices including but not limited to

  • running one car or no car
  • not going on holiday, or camping
  • economising with food
  • buying second hand clothes and not being interested in designer handbags

No, those small economies are not going to make the difference between a state or private education for the vast vast vast majority of families.

So can we please stop posting this kind of nonsense?

OP posts:
Original poster
nameymcnamechange · 23/09/2010 20:41

SGM: onceami is posting about a very specific small group of people she knows personally. Whereas, as you know, the thread is supposed to be in general terms about the population as a whole. Or even just the population of Mumsnet as a whole!

OP posts:
MollieO · 23/09/2010 20:43

Sometimes good state schools are the provenance of the wealthy. Where I live there is an excellent state school with small class sizes. We are out of catchment for it. I can't afford the £1m plus to buy a house in catchment. As for going to state school to mix with different types of people, there is more social and economic diversity at ds's prep school than this state school. When ds was at nursery I was the only full-time working mother they had. At prep school in ds's year about two-thirds of the mums work full time.

MABS · 23/09/2010 20:44

elportodelgado - what a sweeping mass generalisation, totally ridiculous

StarExpat · 23/09/2010 20:46

onimolap - so all people on benefits can have their kids go free to private schools? I didn't know that!

electra · 23/09/2010 20:47

I think YABU. How affordable private schooling is also depends where you live - fees in London will be a lot more than where I live.

My parents sent me to private school by going without the things you mention.

owlicecream · 23/09/2010 20:47

well said Mabs
I don't think the OP makes that much sense. The statement is true for some families but will not be for many others. My parents did just this (made sacrifices etc) so they could educate my brother privately. They would say it was the best thing they ever did, once they saw the education I was getting (on a scholarship) compared to my brother.

Original poster
nameymcnamechange · 23/09/2010 20:47

MABS - I couldn't agree more.

OP posts:
electra · 23/09/2010 20:48

Yes many private schools will allow burseries for those whose income is less than (I think) 12k a year.

LadyBiscuit · 23/09/2010 20:53

I agree with elporto (I was privately educated but on the poor side relative to my peers) - full of people who think that they are entitled to stuff without the ability.

No one answered my question - why do the British think private education is better than state pretty much whatever?

You do realise that private schools don't need to have teachers with proper qualifications don't you? It's bonkers this supposition that more money = bettter

StarExpat · 23/09/2010 20:53

Exactly MABS.

electra - is there a limit for bursaries for those whose income is less than 12K per year? Or can anyone in this category get a place?

I'm sure they have a few token free places but it is most certainly not true that all families on low incomes have access to private schools.

I just think a lot of people have no idea what it would be like to be earning so little that you can't "go without" because you already go without most of what they have.... if that makes sense.

We are fortunate enough to earn enough to allow us to meet our needs, pay our mortgage and have some treats (not holidays) and pay our cm, but I am very aware that we are very fortunate with our careers. Not everyone can afford to just "cut back" in order to squeeze more money out. We can barely do this.

elportodelgato · 23/09/2010 20:54

MABS - why ridiculous? I said IME. In my experience, yes, the one thing which is consistent across all public-school educated people I know is that they have a sense of entitlement and of being 'better' than everyone else who didn't have their education paid for by daddy. This was made quite explicit to me at university on a number of occasions and I've noticed the same attitude since, though not put so bluntly. Before anyone accuses me of harbouring a chip on my shoulder, one of my very best friends went to public school and she seems to have emerged relatively unscathed Smile.

I just really disagree with it for lots and lots of reasons and I'm surprised at the number of people on this thread for whom money and not ideology is the main factor in not sending their kids private.

StewieGriffinsMom · 23/09/2010 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarExpat · 23/09/2010 20:56

I know, LadyB. As a teacher myself this has always baffled me! I've taught both privately and state and in different countries. Private most certainly does not always = better.

It seems in the UK especially that people equate money with quality.

Rollmops · 23/09/2010 20:56

I was wondering how long it would take this time, until jet another run-of-the-mill champagne, nay, cava at best, socialist squeals 'elitism'....
[yaaawn]

OrmRenewed · 23/09/2010 20:58

Totally agree OP. It seems to be implying that those of us who don't manage it are feckless and irresponsible people who could really afford it if we made a bit more effort Hmm

Assuming of course that we all would if we could.

LadyBiscuit · 23/09/2010 20:59

Star - my BIL teaches in a very swanky prep school. There is no way he would ever be allowed to teach in the State sector (he isn't British and hasn't got a single teaching qualification). Neither had many of the teachers at my school. They weren't all bad by any means but there was nowhere near the quality control that there is in the state sector.

I think it's more about keeping out the riff-raff personally (although I'm sure people will protest that isn't the reason at all).

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 23/09/2010 21:01

Rollmops - If they aren't elitist, then (excuding schools that cater to specific special needs) just WTF IS the point of private schools?

StarExpat · 23/09/2010 21:03

LadyB Wink

I teach in private. I have an MA and teaching qualifications and have taught in state sector. My current school requires qualifications and teaching experience in order to be hired as a teacher. But yes, I know of several that don't require this.

Blu · 23/09/2010 21:05

LadyBiscuit: I went to a Direct grant / private school for part of my education - a v academic one which still features in the top of any league table.

We had a teacher who had been sacked from her state school job for hitting a pupil with a chair!

Original poster
nameymcnamechange · 23/09/2010 21:05

Not that the op's intention actually counts for much but elporto and Lady Biscuit I did say this was not intended to be a thread about the pros and cons of state v private school. We've had that debate loads of times.

It was just about this assertion that I have often seen bandied about on here that private school is not elitist and the people who send their dc to private school are not all well off and infact a private education is available to loads of people if they would just make some little tweaks to their living costs.

OP posts:
Blu · 23/09/2010 21:06

Oh, and ny brother taught in a private school with no qualifications at all. he was bloody good, though Wink

Rollmops · 23/09/2010 21:06

Quality education, wrap around care, none of the utterly dumbed down NC, proper sport, etc, etc... and of course, not having your children deal with little yobs in training.
Oh, shoot me...Hmm

cory · 23/09/2010 21:06

onimolap Thu 23-Sep-10 20:32:06
"Starexpat: families on benefits can access private schools. They would be eligible for 100%bursaries in many schools. The very rich and the very poor have a way in: it's those stuck in the middle who have to juggle."

Love it. Can just picture the scene when all the local families on benefits turn up at the door of the private school clamouring for their bursaries. They do offer several hundred full bursaries a year then, do they?

OrmRenewed · 23/09/2010 21:07

LOL at no yobs in private schools Grin IME there are usually a few just with 'better' accents.

Blu · 23/09/2010 21:08

My occasional indulgence - this quarter it is a pewter Boden Messenger bag at 15% discount - would not support school fees.

But then we have good state schools, yes, even in a much maligned postcode of s London.