to think that, no, it is not possible to pay private school fees simply by "going without"?

[nameymcnamechange]

Of all the many thousands of things that annoy me about Mumsnet, it is this myth that more people could send their children to private school if they prioritised school fees over "extravagant lifestyles" and made sacrifices including but not limited to

• running one car or no car
• not going on holiday, or camping
• economising with food
• buying second hand clothes and not being interested in designer handbags

No, those small economies are not going to make the difference between a state or private education for the vast vast vast majority of families.

So can we please stop posting this kind of nonsense?

Every Prep has it's Yummy Mummies dripping in Marc Jacobs at school pick-up. They make me laugh when I turn up in my Wellies! (non-designer). At my DS's school they are more the exception than the norm (it's not a "posh" prep.

Be yourself - it's the only way.

This made me laugh. Last week's edition of The Lady was an Independent Schools Special Edition. In the editorial Rachel Johnson says:

"My parents made huge sacrifices to send their children to boarding and day schools in the private sector. Not having much money, it was the best investment they could have made in us.."

then later she refers to:

"the Head Man at Eton where all my four brothers were pupils."

Not much money and they could send four boys through Eton - who is she trying to kid? Unless these "huge sacrifices" involved harvesting all their grandparents organs to sell on I cannot imagine what she is talking about.

It's poverty, Jim but not as we know it!!

Ours isn't really a posh one either bigfoot...its good though and loads of the parents have older kids at the towns REALLY posh schools...they seem to be ok with the fact that I wear really odd clothes and have a hair-do that looks like it was bitten not cut!

Well I could afford 6 grand for one child because that's what we pay for child care. But no more than that, and if we have another child there's no way we could afford to pay for both.

Of course some parents have the option of making sacrifices, but equally many many parents don't have any chance at all of using private schools. Nonsense to say that everyone has the choice.

Are these cheap schools pre preps or preps ? I don't think most secondaries can be so cheap

5Foot5 - My DH and all 4 of his superior brothers went to Eton. No scholarships. No bursaries. Full price every time. And, their even more superior sister went to Cheltenham Ladies College. Again, full price.

RE: Private schools; I posted a lengthy thread earlier this year about the rather fraught situation with the ILs and their pandering to have DS1 go to Eton like said DH. DS didn't want it, DH and I didn't want it. It took a lot of courage to stand up to the evil manipulative formidable ILs, but DH told them once and for all to stop meddling.

So yes, we were fortunate enough to have rich grandparents offering to pay, but on this occasion we couldn't accept. DS1 is now happily settled at the very nice local state.

Hulababy - I am not talking about opinions on this thread.

I am talking about cold, hard facts .

School fees are out of the question for most people. Whatever they would be prepared to sacrifice.

yup for 95% of people

wisteria I remember your thread. I'm pleased to hear you were strong enough to stand what sounded like dreadful pressure from the ILs.

How is the OP an opinion? I can't understand that. Certainly it's fact for a family with 2 kids on an annual income of £18,000 for example? Even if they cut out all extras they still need a place to live and something to eat. So there wouldn't be enough for school fees. It's just a fact for some which OP clearly states. Right? Or am I wrong?
What about a family on benefits? Are benefits enough to pay for private education?

To send both my DS's to private school would cost about £15,000 a year, so no amount of sacrifices could cover that. Our holidays cost about £1000 a year, and we have one 8 year old car, so there is nowhere where we could really save that sort of money.

I guess tt is all relative to some people, depending on how much money they spend on stuff. A friend told me a few years ago that they were sending their DC's to private school and they would have to make sacrifices. This included only going on a 2 week holiday to italy instead of 2 or 3 holidays a year, having a bog standard 4 wheel drive instead of a flash one (no, I can't tell the difference either) and changing the gardener to once a month instead of every week! Lots of people live in a bubble, not the real world, often when they have been to private school themselves.

We are in the could but dont camp, 2 dcs so about 12K (prep) . So 1k a month. If we didn't eat out (200-300) ,gave up our lovely cleaner (200) , the second car and our anual skiing trip that everyone loves we could find the fees. We dont because

1. dcs are perfectly happy at the local school
2. I was state educated and believe in equality of oportunity,
3. I dont want them to be the poor kids at the prep
4. I want them to meet children from lots of different backgrounds.

"Lots of people live in a bubble, not the real world, often when they have been to private school themselves".

You have a point there.

I estimate school fees mean you need to earn 20-25 a year per child before tax then on top of that the rest of your money.

so depending on your situation, if you earn between 40-50K, depending on your mortgage, that is the range when you could afford school fees for one child by "going without".

For example, going without: one car, no hols, no Starbucks, no haircuts, no new clothes except essentials, no restaurants, no theatre, no magazines, no summer/winter cushions can add up to seven or eight thousand a year or ten to fifteen a year, depending.

So for some people with one child and not much mortgage earning around 40k -- going without could make the difference.

We are in the could but dont camp, 2 dcs so about 12K (prep) . So 1k a month. If we didn't eat out (200-300) ,gave up our lovely cleaner (200) , the second car and our anual skiing trip that everyone loves we could find the fees. We dont because

1. dcs are perfectly happy at the local school
2. I was state educated and believe in equality of oportunity,
3. I dont want them to be the poor kids at the prep
4. I want them to meet children from lots of different backgrounds.

Yes, exactly. So some people can "go without" some luxuries and afford it. Some people can't. They just can't. So the OP is a fact. Not an opinion.

My neighbour is strongly in the "make your sacrifices" camp. She cannot understand why dd is state educated, as we have our own house (her house is tied to her job, so is free but rented IYSWIM).

She has 3 dd's, all paid for in full, incl. ballet, horse riding etc, and kitted out in uniform by, gp's. She keeps asking me why I don't just sell the house and send dd privately when I say that I cannot afford it (because there is still a mortgage to pay on it for a start!!), her usual line being "we can still manage to run 2 cars and all 5 of us have David Lloyd membership, the sacrifice isn't that great". You don't pay the fees woman!!!

no summer/winter cushions

Roffle at LadyD's neighbour. Why don't you just say "yes, that's nice, but do you actually pay the fees my love?".

We are in the could but dont camp, 2 dcs so about 12K (prep) . So 1k a month. If we didn't eat out (200-300) ,gave up our lovely cleaner (200) , the second car and our anual skiing trip that everyone loves we could find the fees. We dont because

1. dcs are perfectly happy at the local school
2. I was state educated and believe in equality of oportunity,
3. I dont want them to be the poor kids at the prep
4. I want them to meet children from lots of different backgrounds.

I can see both sides of this but what really pissed me off when I moved one child to independent because needs were simply not being met was the snotty comments from stay at home mums about choice and privilege. I went back to work after the youngest was settled in reception and that's what funds the school fees. Totall accept that many many families simply can't stretch to school fees especially if both are already working to fund the basic necessities but I really resent arsy comments from stay at home mums who have a holiday every year and sit on the PTA who could get off their back sides to facilitate choice. End of rant!!

Let me see:

Asda instead of Ocado
Home instead of 2 weeks in France
Ebay instead of M&S
No car instead of 6 year old Zafira
Halve the mortgage from £700/month to £350/month

BLIMEY! That still doesn't add up to £30,000 a year.